Post image for Peeping On My Neighbors While Cumming In My Car

It’s been pretty busy in my pants lately. Between my daily masturbation sessions on my brand new balcony, and coming up with different ways to keep things interesting with my girlfriend now that we’re living together, my mind hasn’t really stopped it’s perverted train of thought in a few weeks.

Last night, I left the condo so that I could give my lady some time to study in peace (she’s getting her Masters in Library Science…how sexy is that?!) and I ended up driving to Walmart to pick up a few things, but she wasn’t ready for me to come home when I was done shopping. I drove around for a bit, but I wound up back in the dark parking lot of my complex, kind of hanging out and waiting for her to get in touch with me.

I know you know where this is going, but being the addict that I am, of course I started to masturbate. I worked my hands slowly up my things and under my skirt, finding that my pussy was already quite wet. There was a bit of movement happening in the window in front where I was parked, so I watched for a bit while I was rubbing my clit in circles.

The couple was doing the dishes. The man was washing, while the woman was drying…and then he started playing around and splashing her with water. She whipped him playfully with a towel, and when he reached for her again, instead of retaliating, he drew her in for a long kiss.

I liked where this whole situation was going…and so did my pussy.

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Post image for Britney Spears Started A Lingerie Company & Modeled For It

Britney Spears started a lingerie company called The Intimate Britney Spears and she’s her own model. Yup, if you go on over to the brand’s website, it’s full of picture of Britney Baby modelling her own lingerie line. It’s a good marketing ploy. It’s also kind of narcissistic, you know, like how every single cover of O Magazine is a picture of Oprah.

Seriously, in fourteen years of monthly publications there has not been one issue of Oprah Magazine that hasn’t featured Oprah prominently on its cover. The first time Oprah ever shared the cover was in 2009 with Michelle Obama. That is a lot of self-promotion. The creative directors over at O Magazine must be killing themselves coming up with new ways to dress her and pose her.

I can’t believe I just wrote about Oprah on a porn blog. I think I just set-off a million Google alerts.

Any-fucking-how, at least Britney splurged on some models when she did a runway show for her new lingerie collection:

The-Intimate-Britney-Spears

Not that Britney looks bad. Girl is fit. I’ve just never really cared for her. Oh sure, I liked her for about a split second when she did the video for “I’m A Slave 4 U” because it was holy-freakin’ hot and I felt bad about the media scrutiny she had to put up with when she had her nervous breakdown, however, that’s about as far as Britney Baby and I ever got on, but that’s because as a teenager I was vehemently anti-mainstream even if I like something and Britney Spears was THE mainstream.

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Post image for Miranda Kerr Nekkid Outtakes Soothe My Soul

I’m so so so tired. You know, the kind of tired where if you don’t get some food in you followed by a nap you might just collapse or puke or something. Of course, my stomach is on empty, which is one of the reason why I’m so tired (I had a long night *wink, wink*) so I have no idea what I would puke… probably my soul.

Thank God I have these soothing nude outtakes of Miranda Kerr to come to my aid. I have no idea where they’re from and they’ve been around for a few years (we may have posted them before), but I don’t care. They’re that beautiful. And they are soothing that ache I have in the pit of my stomach, you know, my soul. The thing that is verging on the brink of unconsciousness, because I’m so damn tired.

Yup, that made sense. And I’m sticking to it.

I mean. Holy shit, no wonder Orlando Bloom tried to knock Justin Bieber out. I’d definitely knock out Justin Bieber for Miranda Kerr any day of the week, but then again, I’d probably take a swing at Bieber for no good reason, so that’s not a very good gauge of my affections for Miss Kerr.

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Post image for Andrea Yurko Posing Nude & In A Harness For Treats Magazine!

When I was 9 or 10, I thought tan lines were the coolest. I mean, for one, my skin would change color. How cool is that?! And, for two, the tan lines, especially the ones on my butt, would show the progress of the change over the course of the summer, which really tickled my obsessive compulsive ways.

As a teenager, though, they were the worst. Tan lines and big bush belonged to porn stars from the ’70s and sexual aesthetics from the ’70s were not appreciated in the ’90s. You either had to go all the way and tan all over (at the very least your top section) or hide in the shade and cultivate pale as fuck skin.

I went with option number two, because, you know, big ol’ vampire hermit here. Yes, vampire hermits are totally a thing.

Now that I’m no longer a drug addicted teenager who sleeps all day and is allergic to the sun, I’ve started tanning again. Not as much as I would when I was a kid, because these days I were SPF 50 sunscreen as opposed to lathering my skin in coconut oil (it’s a well known fact that oil will make you tan faster).

Every time I take a shower, I become fascinated with the pale skin of my boobs compared to the slightly tanned skin of my shoulders and arms. It’s hypnotic really, considering I’m usually pale enough to reflect the light of the moon at night.

I’ve noticed that tan lines aren’t just making a comeback in my life, but in fashion porn as well. All the models have tan lines these days. They’re not very drastic, but they’re there and they’re sexy.

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Post image for A Combination Restaurant And Sex Shop? Cool!

Have you ever walked around a sex shop and thought to yourself, “Man, I wish this place sold hamburgers?”

Well Denmark has you covered.

Hot Buns is a burger joint in Copenhagen that claims to be the country’s first restaurant that doubles as a sex shop. The waitresses will be wearing low cut tank tops and the restaurant will have a store that sells various sex toys- kind of like Hooters if they sold dildos and cock rings.

The restaurant’s owner, Mathias Kaer, says Hot Buns will unite the two things people are looking for on the weekend. He says “On Friday and Saturday nights there are only two things most people want: sex and food. We’re combining them both.”

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Dear Calico….

September 26, 2014
Thumbnail image for Dear Calico….

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s premier porn for women and couples site . With over 16 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a […]

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Fake Taxi Is A Voyeurs (& An Exhibitionists) Wet Dream!

September 26, 2014
Thumbnail image for Fake Taxi Is A Voyeurs (& An Exhibitionists) Wet Dream!

If you’re a chick walking home late at night and a cab driver offers you a free ride home, don’t take it. Unless, you want to end up dead in an alley somewhere. Seriously. That’s the advice I would give my daughter (if I had any kids). I don’t think my Mom got the memo, […]

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Masturbation Roll

September 25, 2014
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Peeperz presents to you the best sites on the entire internet: Abigail Mac Interview – Sex.com StepGIRLS vs Creepettes – DrunkenStepfather Selena Gomez Posts Lace Bra Selfie – CelebJihad Sabine Priek Nude Giving Us Hot Spagetti Love – CelebSpank Ashley Lee See Through Wet T-Shirt – TaxiDriverMovie Andrea Yurko Posing Nude for Treats! – The […]

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Have You Met Jasmine Tridevil The Lady With Three Boobs?!

September 25, 2014
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She’s from Tampa, Florida. I’ll let that sink in for a minute. Yup. That’s right, a lady from Tampa, Florida, who goes on under the name of Jasmine Tridevil (real name Alisha Hessler) has recently come forth as the lady with three boobs. I’ll let that sink in for a minute. It’s okay, I’ll wait for […]

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Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Diora Baird (2005)

September 25, 2014
Thumbnail image for Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Diora Baird (2005)

I was all set to do this week’s throw back on Kristy Swanson (the original Buffy), but while I was looking for her nude pics I came across a photo set of Diora Baird posing for Playboy in 2005 and the sight of her boobs took over my brain, turned it into mush for a […]

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