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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s oldest porn site for women & couples. With over 16 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

Over the weekend, I read a piece on Salon by Alternet’s Jill Hamilton, called “8 lessons men raised on porn need to learn.” While all the lessons seem pretty reasonable, really, I have a problem with the premise there’s a connect-the-dots guide to sex, or a set path to having “good sex,” for a simple reason: We are not all the same.

For example, I know women who absolutely swear by the pleasures of toe-sucking. An old roommate of mine once told me I hadn’t experienced true ecstasy during sex if I hadn’t had a man suck on my toes as I reached climax.

Based on her advice, I asked my then-boyfriend to give it a try the next time we were together. After looking at me like I’d just asked him to receive a voluminous golden shower directly into his mouth, he dutifully shrugged and agreed to give toe sucking a shot.

To put it mildly, toe sucking was not our thing, at all. Not even a little bit. All I felt as a result of his digit-suckling was ticklish and itchy; all he felt was revulsion and nausea.

My roommate encouraged me not to give up on foot pleasures just yet, suggesting my boyfriend may have “sucked my toes wrong.” I wasn’t about to get into an argument about how many different ways there are to suck a freaking toe, but I also wasn’t about to ask my boyfriend to set aside his clear, visible disgust again on the off chance I might get something out of a second attempt.

I know what you’re thinking: toe sucking is weird, so it’s no shock to hear it’s not for everyone. Surely, though, there are other things everybody likes, right?

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Post image for Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Sherilyn Fenn (1990)

Twin Peaks wasn’t something that was on my radar when it first aired. I was still in grade school and I had never even heard of David Lynch. Sure, years later I would watch the movie Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me, which sadly did not star Sherilyn Fenn, and these days the series is on Nexflix so it’s easy to catch up on the cultural phenomenon that is Twin Peaks.

Audrey

Yes. Yes, she does.

With a character like Audrey Horne it’s easy to see why the TV show and one of it’s starlets became a cult hit.

The first time I ever saw Sherilyn Fenn was in a little movie called Three of Hearts. It stared Sherilyn Fenn as a beautiful busty bisexual who breaks up with her strictly-into-girls girlfriend Kelly Lynch. The twist is that Kelly Lynch hires handsome male hooker William Baldwin to seduce Sherilyn, break her heart, and send her running back into the arms of Kelly.

I don’t know if you can see where this is going, but William Baldwin falls in love with Sherilyn, but not before she finds out the whole thing is a scam, or that it started off as a scam, and she ditched Kelly and William like the jerks that they are. Not to spoil it for you guys, but it’s a lovely tale of love and friendship that ends happily ever after.

Much like Kelly and William, my heart was all about Sherilyn. She was so damn beautiful. Her passing ressemblance to Elizabeth Taylor did not go unnoticed and me likey.

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Post image for Erection Overruled! Porn Star Passes California Bar Exam

Long before people in other states were suing McDonald’s for causing obesity, California was home of the frivolous lawsuit. We have a culture of litigation and with law offices in every strip mall it isn’t very hard to find someone who will take on an asinine case.

This isn’t to say becoming a lawyer in California is easy. We have the most difficult bar exam in the country with just a few under half of aspiring lawyers receiving a passing score. This makes it all the more impressive that former adult actress Holly Price passed the bar on her very first attempt.

Holly, born Heather Swift, graduated from the Western State University of Law while working as a stripper in 2013. She also has an amazing body which she showcased in a handful of adult films which can be found on Pornhub.

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Post image for Sara X Brings You “Jingle Bells” With A Little Boob Twerk

Year after year, I plan on going on a post-Christmas shopping spree to pick up all the Christmas decorations that are on sale after the holidays. Never happens. I can’t quite get myself motivated to spend some of my hard earned mullah on things I’ll only be using a year later. I’ve gotta get that immediate satisfaction with my purchases.

Thing is, I never want to buy Christmas decorations right before the holidays either. For one, they are expensive as hell and, secundo, Christmas is already a total money suck, which sounds fun, but it isn’t.

Because of all these reasons and more, I’m in dire need of some Christmas basics. I’ve got some classic decoration that hail from my grandparents, but some things just don’t age well. Christmas lights for one. I’m in dire need of Christmas lights.

I still need Christmas lights, but I’ve at least solved my Christmas tree stand issue. That’s right, I manned up and spent the damn money. I just couldn’t go another year using a water jug as a tree stand and tying the tree to the wall with fishing line a la MacGyver. It’s a trick that never failed, but between you and me, I’m pretty sure luck is the only reason I avoided a disaster of biblical proportions.

New sturdy Christmas tree stand in hand, I headed to the Christmas tree lot to pick a winner, and in honor of the tree I picked, I think I shall be forevermore known as the Christmas Tree Whisperer. The thing is the perfect tree like shape, and the top is a widths hair from hitting my ceiling. I was worried there for a second, you see, I didn’t have the foresight to measure the space I had available.

Luck was clearly on my side, because not only was I able to pick what is clearly the best Christmas tree by simply eyeballing it, but the guy who sold me the Christmas tree was kind enough to deliver it to my house, no charge. Apparently, he wasn’t too impressed with my I’ll-just-strap-it-to-the-roof-of-my-car-with-rope can-do attitude.

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Post image for Pervs Organize A Facesitting Sit-In To Protest UK BDSM Porn Ban

And by Pervs, I mean my Peepz.

People are stupid. Get a bunch of people together, like in government, and it goes from stupid to down right anti-constitutional in a minute flat. Except where talking about the UK here and I don’t even know if they have a constitution, because, clearly, really smart over here. Actually, I don’t know if anyone’s constitution says anything about porn, but you gotta know, that if you try to take away some Peepz happy fun time there’s gonna be trouble up ahead. 

And that’s exactly what happened when the UK government added an amendment to their 2013 Communications Act, last week, that bans a series of sex acts from being performed in UK porn. To recap, it’s still possible for what’s his face living in London to go to Pornhub and view whatever kind of porn he likes, but if you’re in the porn business and you live in the UK it’s going to be pretty difficult for you to do anything that has to do with the following sexual acts:

  • Spanking
  • Caning
  • Aggressive whipping
  • Penetration by any object “associated with violence”
  • Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of  if consensual)
  • Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)
  • Role-playing as non-adults
  • Physical restraint
  • Humiliation
  • Female ejaculation
  • Strangulation
  • Facesitting
  • Fisting

Strangulation, facesitting, and fisting, are “apparently,” life threatening and female ejaculation is a complete fabrication according to the UK government, and, you know, clearly pee, so ew. Ugh. At least, that’s the reason behind their inclusion on the list. A lot of the things on the UK banned porn list aren’t my bag of tea, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop others from enjoying what turns them on. 

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Masturbation Roll

December 16, 2014
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Peeperz presents to you the best sites on the entire internet: Lisa Ann Announces Her Retirement – Sex.com Fashion Nudity by Kesler Tran – DrunkenStepfather Taylor Swift Finally Shows Her Belly Button In New Bikini Pic – CelebJihad Alessandra Ambrosio Nude Viva Brazil – CelebSpank Charli XCX White Pantie Upskirt in Cheerleader Outfit – TaxiDriverMovie […]

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Florida Twins Argue Over BF and Dildos, One Arrested

December 16, 2014
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When you are one half of set of blonde cougar twins, and you happen to be dating the same man as your sister, things are probably not going to turn out well. Heidi Creamer (I know. I couldn’t believe that was her real name either) found this out the hard way on December 7th. The […]

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Dioni Tabbers Continues To Have The Best Fashion Porn Boobs

December 16, 2014
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Dioni Tabbers is back from her time travelling adventures and her boobs, again, prove to be awesome. There’s no denying it. This girl just plain does it for me. Nothing beats the first picture of her I ever saw: There’s all sorts of retro see-through ’70s goodness in that picture. Plus that slightly damp t-shirt […]

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“This Voyeurs Life” Never Fails To Stun – “Birthday Flowers” Video!

December 15, 2014
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There are some sexy ladies who pull at your groin strings and make you want to get down and dirty, but there other sexy ladies who pull at your heart strings and make you want to have Sunday afternoon cuddles – preferably before AND after brunch. The lovely lady in This Voyeurs Life “Birthday Flowers” […]

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All The Prego Ladies: Kourtney Kardashian, Nicole Trunfio, KMart!

December 13, 2014
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All time number one Peeperz commenter Robonino123 recently said that there’s something about winter that gets people all worked up and ready to mingle in the bedroom, something about it being cold outside, so everyone stays inside and in an effort to stave off cabin fever they’ll get it on more than usual, which, huh, […]

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