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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

If you’re not a comic book/graphic novel reader, take it from a girl who is: Superhero names have gotten a lot more creative over time.

In the very old days of comics, most characters were named according to some version of the basic Noun + “Man” or Adjective + “Man” construction – thus we get Batman, Superman, and the somewhat lesser-known Aluminum Siding Man, who may have been more of an industry marketing campaign than a superhero, but sure had one fabulous cape.

In more recent days, superhero names have become far more creative and a lot less obvious. I’m talking about the likes of Rorschach, Gambit, Deadpool and Simone Biles – the latter of whom the announcers calling gymnastics at the Olympic Games keep insisting is a regular person and not a superhuman, despite her flagrant and habitual disregard for the laws of physics.

So it was with some dismay that I realized the porn world is lagging far behind the likes of Marvel and DC when it comes to naming our superheroes, with Exhibit A being a presumably meek and mild-mannered Brit named “Ian Turner” – who by night apparently transforms into…. (drumroll, please)
Extreme Porn Man.”

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What the hell is up with Eva Mendes + Ryan Gosling and their secret love?! They’ve been dating for five years now, at least so far as people can guess, and in that time they’re had two secret daughters. They managed to hide the first pregnancy until the last month or something and they had the second one without anyone noticing.

These two should be spies, because they have mad skills when it comes to lying and going unnoticed. Acting pays more though, so I guess they made the right choice.

But the daughters, they might as well not exist as far as the public is concerned and I know that’s sort of the point, but people are dying to know what Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling’s offspring look like. I’ll give them a pass since they don’t live to answer to my needs. Besides, I’ve got to give them props for keeping the mystery alive.

Part of me, however, can’t help thinking that they’re all part of some secret cult. Ryan Gosling is obviously the charismatic leader while Eva Mendes is wife number one. Although, perhaps Eva Mendes is the charismatic cult leader. She did snag Hollywood’s most coveted dude.

It’s hard to tell which one of them is the winner in this coupling.

Eva

Who am I kidding, clearly, Ryan Gosling won the lottery.

If you’re still conscious after seeing that GIF of Eva from The Spirit, here are some pics of a topless Eva from 2009. No idea where these pics are from, but I’m happy they exist.

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Sometimes I feel like my body is plotting against me. I don’t want kids. Kids are fine and all, but I don’t want to alter my live to make room for them. Call me selfish if you want, but that’s how I feel. My body, however, doesn’t appear to be on board with my brain when it comes to procreating.

Sure enough, every time I get super-duper-insanely horny it’s because I’m ovulating. I get horny all the time, but when I start craving that D inside of me like my vagina will die if it doesn’t get sprayed with some random man’s sperm, all I have to do is look at a calendar and sure enough I’m ovulating.

Not cool, body. Not cool. I feel tricked and I won’t have it! Understand? Nope, I won’t have it at all. Oh, I mean, I’ll take some of that sweet vitamin D, but you better count on the fact that I will make sure my womb is as infertile as the dead sea.

That said, let’s ogle some ladies.

Catiane @catilauser #makeup @hectorsimancas #hair @bertkietzerow @alluremgt #beauty #daylight #portrait @abamgt @rohzin

A photo posted by Gavin O’Neill (@gavinoneillphoto) on

Catiane Lauser Pilecco has a magic bra. That cleavage is out of this world. 

 

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Post image for Sex News: NYC Sex Club, Get Better At Sex, & Pro Cuddling

Peepz, I’ve been on a Kathleen Turner binge ever since I happened upon Romancing the Stone on Netflix a couple weeks ago. I just watched the Jewel of the Nile and holy shit that movie did not age well.  It’s so racially intensive and just downright wrong that I cringed throughout most of the movie. KT was still hot, though. Those legs, I can’t get over her legs. I would pay to cuddle with vintage Kathleen Turner.

Once upon a time, if you wanted to do it with strangers, it meant doing it in non-luxury settings like a Bushwick warehouse or a Gowanus warehouse. These were accessible sex parties, open to everyone from debt-ridden millennials to the mean fat cat Wall Street jerk. Typical to our widening gulf between rich and poor though, the New York Post reports that a new out-of-town sex club is opening in NYC soon, and unlike the democratic sex clubs of the city we once knew, this one will cost you $10,000 at a minimum to get in. […]

Snctm owner Damon Lawner told the paper he’s currently scouting for a suitably exclusive location in which his A-list actor, model and “top lawyer” (lol) members can fill each other’s holes, with the first party planned for September 10th. As for the sex parties themselves, they come with a strict dress code (tuxedos for the gents, lingerie for the ladies), and Lawner insists they aren’t “sex parties,” at all. Instead they’re “erotic theater” and more about “conversation” and “the artistry of erotica” as opposed to just raw boning. Turns out that sex can be gentrified just as easily as Williamsburg.

NYC-Sex-Club

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I was involved in some rather awkward dinner conversation last week. My super Italian, ultra-conservative grandfather decided that he wanted to talk about something he saw on the news while I was sliding a slice of pizza into my mouth.

“There were these ladies of the night on the television earlier,” he turned to my dad who was already blushing, “You know, those girls that don’t wear clothes and dance?”

It was terribly awkward and I hate when my grandpa talks about stuff like that.

I get all squigged out.

My bff says this makes me a prude.

I told him that my boobs are all over the Internet and that cancels out the fact that I don’t like talking to my family about strippers.

Anyway.

The Sunrise Gentlemen’s Club, which is located in Paterson, New Jersey, sponsored a golf event that was held at an upscale golf course late in July. Tattle-tale videos surfaced and ended up in the hands of no-fun news casters and POOF! A scandal is born.

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Monday Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Katrina Jade?

August 22, 2016

Katrina Jade got into porn when she started watching Kink and she decided she wanted to experiment with the whole BDSM scene. That’s one way to do it. Personally, I usually pick up a book and try to learn as much as possible about something when I want to try something new, but becoming a […]

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Sex News: Sex Scandals, Pornstar Condom Bill, & Cucks

August 20, 2016

Watchdog: Dallas woman discovers new Secret Service sex scandals through public information requests (The Daily Morning News) A culture of “wheels up; rings off” meant even married agents could party on foreign trips. Secret Service K-9 units brought their dogs into their hotel room, which the dogs trashed. The agents made payoffs so the incident […]

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Fap Along With Harlot: Pretty Pink Panties

August 20, 2016
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Today I’m in the mood to walk around my condo wearing nothing but a pair of pink panties. Unfortunately for me, we’ve got a few workmen coming to the house, so I’ll be hiding out in the bedroom taking care of putting together my perversions for the week. You ready to join me in some […]

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Of Draymond Green, Penises and Job Offers

August 19, 2016
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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced […]

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Orgasms Keep Your Mind Sharp

August 19, 2016

After a long, stressful day of dealing with the people that I work with at my day job, sometimes I need a few dozen orgasms to relax. It only takes about 30 seconds of clit rubbing before I’ve forgotten all about the idiot who broke the very expensive piece of equipment and the jerk who […]

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