Post image for Blast From The Fap Past: Kate Upton SI Rookie Outtakes & Video

Kate Upton made a huge splash in the big titty world when she was named Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Rookie of the Year in 2011. She blew the roof right off the damn scene. Titty lovers world wide went plum nut crazy for the corn fed blonde. I could have sworn she was from Iowa, but after watching this “outtakes” video from SI it’s been confirmed that Kate Upton is from Florida.

I was all set to write a piece about how sweet and innocent she looked in her first pictures for Sports Illustrated, but now that I know she’s from Florida, I gotta a say that has to be a marketing ploy. She was definitely damaged goods before SI ever got their claws into her. And that is a value judgment on Florida not Kate Upton the actual person.

I’m sure she’s as sweet as American apple pie, a la mode. See what I did there? “A la mode” is totally not American.

All kidding aside, Kate does look rather innocent and sweet in these outtakes from her Rookie of the Year photoshoot and they’ve been released just in time, after The Fappening, but before everyone forgot her name. Ouch. I’m feeling a mean streak today. Ignore the snark Peepz (unless you find it amusing), you know I have nothing but love for all womankind, except chicks without belly button piercings… I can’t stand those.

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Post image for Hard Dick Stuck In a Wet Italian Box

So, my inbox was hopping over the weekend, and 7 Internet friends all sent me the same story. I’ve got to tell you that, based on the facts provided, I’m going to be calling shenanigans, but that’s just my opinion. I’m putting a disclaimer on that statement because, if I’ve learned anything while being a sex working writer, it’s that anything is possible.

As the tale goes, a couple was getting frisky in the ocean off the cost of Porto San Giorgio, Italy, when there was a bit of an issue finishing things up. It wasn’t that the fellow couldn’t cum. He gave his sweetie a creampie and their heavy breathing subsided. The problem was that the couple couldn’t separate themselves after they finished up as they were held together by suction.

I’m nearly petrified of the ocean (not because of sharks or anything, just because the shore is fairly nasty where I’m from, and none in their right mind would frolic in the waves if they saw all the trash that washes up on the sand in Jersey) and I’ve already admitted to you guys that I don’t do sex on the beach anymore, but what really gets me about this whole thing, is how they got out of the water.

They were banging in public, but all of a sudden they got shy and had to wait for a stranger with a towel to pass by before they got out of the water?

That’s the part of the story that doesn’t jive with me.

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Post image for Sexy Person Ayee Bee’s Body Is A Wonderland

Model Ayee Bee (a.k.a. Alexandra Berlingieri) has phenomenal boobs. Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap.

Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap.

Fap. Fap. Fap.

Fap. Fap, fap, fap, fap. Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap.

FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP. Faaaaaaap.  Splooge. Sigh. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Snort. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Roll over. Mumble, mumble. Hmm. Tan lines. Mumble, mumble. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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Post image for Seattle Strip Club Has Peepholes Over Urinals

You know when you go see a movie and you get a drink and a popcorn (can’t see a movie without snacks), but then halfway through the movie you have to squeeze your legs and pretend like you don’t have a bladder, because you don’t want to go to the bathroom and miss anything? Well, it’s the same thing when you go to a strip club.

Why take the chance you’ll miss something spectacular like glow in the dark clit rings that throb in sync with Sisqo’s “Thong Song” (it’s been a while since I’ve been to a strip club) when you can see it all through the peephole over your urinal?! It’s a brilliant idea. Strip clubs (and movie theaters) around the world should follow suit.

Peter Jackson’s King Kong would have been much more enjoyable if they had screens in the bathroom that you could sync to whatever flick you’re seeing. I think I may have caused my bladder irreparable damage sitting though that movie to the end.

If you’re afraid for your bladder every time you go to a strip club you should head on over to Pole Position Sports Bar in Seattle. They have nifty looking red tile in their bathroom and conveniently placed peepholes so you don’t miss a second of the show. Too bad it’s over the urinals and not in the stalls, cause you could stand there and rub one out for the team without creating a mess. If you have good aim, that is.

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Post image for Kathryn Budig’s Nude Toesox Yoga Ads Drive Me Wild

My Mom got me a subscription to Yoga Journal a few months ago in the hopes of putting the kibosh on my couch potato ways. It worked, sort of. Since the beginning of the summer I’ve been doing one activity or another every day and for the last month I’ve start doing yoga – a practice I haven’t done since my early 20s.

Don’t get me wrong, I can still do a Netflix marathon with the best of them and pizza, not to mention peanut butter M&Ms, are a major food group as far as I’m concerned. I’ve just added kale in there for good measure and every other bag of Twizzlers I try to eat an apple or something.

Yoga Journal like every other magazine on the face of the earth is way too full of ads, but to save me from the boredom that is Alicia Silverstone trying to sell me a multi-vitamin, I thank the powers that be, everyday, for Kathryn Budig’s nude yoga Toesox ads:

Kathryn-Budig-Toe-Sox-22

That’s how you do booty.

Until recently, I didn’t know the name of the lovely lady posing nude in her socks for Yoga Journal, but thanks to a recent issue featuring Budig on the cover I can now put a name and a face to that fabulous ass.
Yoga-Journal-Kathryn-Budig

I got a little confused, though, when I stopped starring at the ads and started reading the words in YJ’s body issue. Apparently, Kathryn Budig is considered a plus size. Okay, maybe not plus size, but she’s definitely considered bigger than the typical yoga teacher and model.

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Suspected Drunk Drivers Have Sex In The Backseat Of Police Car!

October 19, 2014
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Being drunk in the back of a police car is a uniquely terrifying experience. What should be a peaceful moment to get your story straight and compose yourself is more like the nerve-wracking calm before an ensuing shit storm. It’s the ultimate time out. Once they open the door you pretty much pour out and […]

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Masturbation Roll

October 18, 2014
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Peeperz presents to you the best sites on the entire internet: Canadian MILF Shyla Stylez in a Fur Coat – Sex.com Mara Teigen in Cheeki for Galore – DrunkenStepfather ‘Walking Dead’ Star Lauren Cohan In Sharp Magazine – CelebJihad Lacey Banghard Topless Celebrity Bombshell – CelebSpank Adrianne Curry Strips Down for her Instagram – TaxiDriverMovie […]

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Sara X Boob Dance To Mozart Over Breakfast

October 18, 2014
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I take full responsibility for the fact that there were no posts on Peeperz Thursday. Apparently, I contracted some sort of “not feeling well” virus and entered into a sleep coma for the better part of the working day. My bad. I deserve a spanking. Still not feeling great today, so like the big baby […]

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The Fappening Could Be Paris Hilton & Kim Kardashian’s Fault

October 17, 2014
Thumbnail image for The Fappening Could Be Paris Hilton & Kim Kardashian’s Fault

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s premier Porn for Women & Couples Site . With over 16 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a […]

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MMA Fighter Ronda Rousey Is All Kinds Of Hot

October 17, 2014
Thumbnail image for MMA Fighter Ronda Rousey Is All Kinds Of Hot

Except for the bellybutton ring. I abhor belly button rings. Not sure why, between the age of 13 and 18 I had every thing (above the belt) pierced you could possibly image, but the belly button ring always seemed trashy to me. Maybe they remind me of my aversion towards outties. Innies are really sexy, […]

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