Did you Peepz have a good 4th of July weekend? I hope so. Mine, however, was total and utter shit. I feel like crawling under a rock and dying, but then, you know, I would actually die… of hunger, thirst, or exposure whichever got me first and that doesn’t sound like a good way to go.
Neither does riding a firework while naked. I mean, sure, it looks good and all, but that can’t be safe. I remember burning the hell out of my fingers with those tiny illegal firecrackers you could get in Mexico when I was a kid.
I was in fifth, or was it sixth grade, and I had brought some back from Cancun. I was young and wanted to be cool, so obviously I brought them to school where I proceeded to spark a few of them up. The fuze was too short on one of them or I held it too long or something, because the damn thing went off in my hand like a trigger happy dick, except instead of ending up with a palm covered in splooge I ended up with a few burns and a three day suspension from school.
I can only imagine how bad the burns would have been had I been naked and riding the firecracker at the time. Too bad I didn’t have any underboob to show off back then, my principal might have gone easier on me. And thus began a lifetime of bad decisions and crime.
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I allegedly just finished downloading the entire fifth season of Game of Thrones. Huddling down to binge watch all ten episodes while the end of the day is already looming and I have to wake up early for work tomorrow is a really bad idea.
It’s the kind of bad idea that is almost on par with getting naked in Terry Richardson‘s studio. You know you probably shouldn’t, because you don’t know what’s going to happen, but you feel pressured to do so because of all the hype.
Thankfully, Jessie Andrews looks like she has a good head on her shoulders. She probably knows how to say no when it’s time to go to bed, but there’s still half a season of Game of Thrones episodes to watch. Then again, she did start her modelling career for Dov Charney back when she was a young sales associate at American Apparel, so…
Clearly, American Apparel is a gate way drug for porn. If you don’t mind showing your boobs off to one creepy guy with big glasses and a porno stache, why not reach a wider audience showing off your boobs to another creepy guy with big glasses and a porno stache. That’s how creepy guys with big glasses and porno staches keep getting away with it.
Click on images below for larger versions:
Porn vid of Jessie Andrews courtesy of Pornhub:
Image: Pornstar Jessie Andrews photographed by Terry Richardson
Via terrysdiary.com – Check out Lola Byrd’s blog misslolawants.com
Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 16 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
To be fair I’m not sure when the penis was ever in fashion other than in European art films to make a realistic comeback. But still, lately I’ve noticed that the penis is having it’s moment in the limelight. Not to jinx it, but I sure hope we get to see more penises in the media. I’m not saying this because I want to see schlongs on tele – because I do want to see dicks on the tube – but also because other than in porn and in real life sexual situations I almost never get to see a dick. Where as tits are all over the damn place. And I’d like to see some cock please, yes. It’s important to me, and I believe to other people out there to see a penis as just another organ and not only in the context of a sexual situation. I am reminded of the time I saw a man’s penis in a sweat lodge and blushed. I mean, come on! So when Captain Randall in the TV Show Outlander was trying to rape Jenny, Jamie Fraser’s sister and he undid his trousers and whipped out his dick I almost did a double take that they actually showed him whipping his penis out and furiously stroking it trying to get it hard. Obviously I went back and watched it again. Yeap, full on floppy dick right there. I was delighted. Not that she was going to get raped, but that they hadn’t faked the whole, ‘taking penis out’ bit.
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I just ate a pizza. Not a whole one, but half of one. The delivery guy gives me the creeps a little bit. He walked in and closed the door behind him when usually I just pay the guy at the door. He put his hand on my shoulder and asked where my Mom was these days. Apparently, he knew her back in the day. He said she was a very beautiful women. I tried not to shudder, but it was a near miss. Thankfully, I was able to shoo him out the door without too much fuss.
I’m all for going out to get pizza while topless, but I was glad I was wearing something to cover my ta-tas while this guy was here. Of course, my name isn’t Lady Gaga and I don’t have bodyguards following me around everywhere I go, which is a shame. I think I could use the 24/7 supervision. Notice I said supervision and not protection.
It’s been legal for women to go topless around New York for a while now, so it’s nice to see some celebrities put that freedom to the test. Mostly, though, I’m pretty sure Gaga took off her top – and when I say top, I mean the bra she was wearing during her performance at Radio Music City Hall – because her bra was incredibly ill-fitting. Her boob was being pushed out of the bottom of her left bra cup for crying out loud. That could not have been comfortable.
The black pumps, cut-off jean shorts, and tan blazer over a bare chest is a really good look it turns out. More people should wear this exact outfit while going out to pick up pizza, I say.
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Know what stinks? When you write up this 500 snippet of your love for all things titties, and then LibreOffice crashes and you loose the whole damn thing.
Maybe it was fate though…
Because I would also like to talk a bit about how it’s MOTHER FUCKING LEGAL FOR EVERYONE, REGARDLESS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION, TO GET MARRIED IN THE UNITED EFFING STATES OF AMERICA NOW!!!!
Yes, I’m totally aware that we are years/decades behind awesome countries like Canada…
However this is monumental for me and my peoples.
So here…to celebrate the Supreme Court of the U.S of A taking another step towards equality…are my Top 5 Wedding Themed Porno Clips!
How hot does Donna Bell look in her white dress and stockings? In the back seat of her limo on the way to her marriage ceremony, the only thing she’s thinking about is how big her driver’s cock must be. Both holes are wide open and available for his perusal.
Twas the Night Before the Wedding all all through her vagina, she was moaning so loud they could hear her in China. Her titties were bouncing while his hard cock did pound, her juices were flowing all over her mound…
I’ll stop rhyming now. Just watch the porno. Hot bachelorette babes coercing the bride into one more good time before the wedding day.
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