Cigarettes and Celebrities

by Alpha Harlot on December 1, 2015

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Growing up, I had a huge crush on DJ Tanner, Candace Cameron Bure’s character on the show Full House. I’m guessing it was because I felt like we were coming from the same place…we both had obnoxious younger sisters that wouldn’t leave us alone…and we both had strange names that our parents thought sounded cool (my parents were hippies so that’s my excuse).

As the years went by, everyone became fascinated with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, the twins who both played Michelle Tanner on the show. There were super creepy countdowns to their 18th birthday that some of my friends got excited about. The twins built a multimillion dollar empire by branding everything from dolls, to movies, to clothing and it seemed like everyone wanted a piece of the action and their asses.

It was definitely a very creepy time in pop culture.

Fast forward to last weekend, Mary Kate Olsen, who is a gorgeous 29-year-old business woman/fashion plate, and Oliver Sarkozy, who happens to be 46 (and the brother of a guy who used to be the President of France) get married.

I don’t take issue with the gap in age. A lot of people Online are saying that it’s creepy but I disagree.


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Post image for Sex News: Pornstar Dating Rules, Balls Contest, & Happy Endings

‘There are a few rules for dating a sex worker,’ writes Andre [Shakti], sharing: ‘Don’t compromise their cash flow by driving away their business; never out them to other people without their consent; and don’t expect them to eagerly perform activities they normally get paid to do for free.’











Porn star Andre Shakti wrote an op ed for Cosmo detailing what it’s like to date as a sex worker. I think one of the things most people have to keep in mind is that for some performers their porn persona is drastically different than their real life identity, so if you’re dating them in real life you should remember not to treat them like they’re in a porno.

[T]he Scrotum Beauty Pageant is apparently legit and he’s offering the bloke with the most terrific testes the chance to win $10,000 (£6,543). What a load of bollocks! But apparently, he’s totally serious – with a video confirming the competition will be taking place. Once you listen to the video, it’s clear that he plans to spend a huge amount of the scrotum project, but who knows why.



Post image for Monday Morning Jerk Before Work: Kissa Sins Has A Nice Butt

Kissa Sins was a civilian just like the rest of us when she met pornstar Johnny Sins through Instagram and the two started dating. It’s a modern love story involving porn, blogging, and true love. I was seriously infatuated with the two of them when I first found out about their relationship.

Kissa wrote extensive blog posts detailing the beginning of their relationship and it was the sweetest, hottest thing I ever read. My heart grew three times its size and all the extra blood it was able to pump went straight to my erogenous zones.

Not only is Kissa Sins incredibly hot and sexy, but she humanizes her boyfriend Johnny Sins to such an extent that he has becomes more attractive by association. Not that he needed much help to begin with.

Kissa’s foray into porn started when she started filming scenes with Johnny for their personal website. Kissa and Johnny’s unconventional love story attracted over a million viewers and readers who couldn’t get enough of their story. It’s the kind of popularity that made Kissa a household name before she even filmed her first hardcore porn scene with Brazzers.

These days Kissa Sins is a Brazzers contract star and she’s looking for a publisher so she can write the entire true love story of Sins Life. I hope she gets one, because I would definitely read that book.

The 2016 AVN nominees are out, so I can tell you that Kissa and Johnny where nominated for Best Boy/Girl Sex Scene for Sins Life Part 2 and Kissa is nominated for Best New Starlet. About the noms, Kissa says: ““I was totally blown away when I heard I had been nominated. That was my first BG and totally real and me and fucking raw. I’ll never forget shooting it and I am so proud of that scene. And two Best New Starlet noms is another dream come true.” Kissa nabbed a nomination for Best New Starlet from the XBiz Awards as well. Fingers crossed that she comes away a winner.



Post image for Miley Cyrus Pubes & Strap-on Terry Richardson Outtakes!

Nothing Miley Cyrus does is very shocking to me, but that has more to do with the fact that I’m pretty open minded and I’ve seen a lot of disturbing shit in my day. That said, if I showed these pics to my Mom I’m pretty sure she would hit me up the head and scream at me to stop showing her porn. Then I would have to explain to her who Miley Cyrus is, who Terry Richard is, and that this photoshoot was for a good ol’ fashioned magazine.

It would be easy to call this photoshoot part of some crazy antics to get far away as possible from Miley’s Hannah Montana days, but I think we can safely say that Miley’s Disney image is long dead, so what are we left with? Maybe this isn’t a show, maybe this is just Miley being Miley.

If you look at these photographs beyond their initial shock value you’re left with some important symbolism. It wasn’t too long ago that for a woman to have body hair was considered a major faux pas. Hell, some people still find pubes disgusting let alone armpit hair, but in the last few years we’ve seen a shift happen and when women Miley’s age sport body hair they’re often doing it as a political statement.

Beyond that, however, it has also become part of what is considered sexually attractive. Comedian Rob Delaney once said that he loves hairy armpits, because they look like vaginas and it’s like a little preview of what you’ll get to see if you ever have the pleasure of seeing that person naked.

Another issue that has become politically and socially important over the last few years is the idea of socially constructed gender roles. We’re born with a certain set of genitals and from that moment on society imposes upon us a specific gender, but the entire concept is a construct that in reality has nothing to do with what’s between our legs.

It’s amazing to see someone with a large fan base like Miley Cyrus get involved in gender politics, feminism, queer and trans* rights, and the sex positive movement. You might not like the way she’s doing it, but you can’t argue with the intentions behind it all.



Post image for Fap Along With Harlot: Dinner’s On The Table

What’s my favorite thing to eat?


Where’s my favorite place to eat it?

At the dining room table.

Well, I mean, not really…but sex in places where you’re not “supposed” to have sex is pretty fucking hot. Since we’re celebrating Thanksgiving this week, I figured I’d compile a list of some of the hottest sex sessions to ever hit the dining room….now that’ll give you something crazy to picture while you’re getting stuffed…with food…if you happen to be American. If you’re not from the U.S. of A….Just grab your lube and enjoy the porno.

First up, a sex MILF bent over and taking a super long cock to the hilt. Her pink snatch gapes for this guy after he’s plowed her for a few minutes.

After a few glasses of wine, this sexy BBW is soaking wet and ready for pleasure…She plays with herself at first, but then her big boobs become the main course for some titty fucking. I love how they slap together when she goes in for a long ride.

Amateur sex is hot as fuck because it’s totally real. With this Young Libertines clip, a smoking hot couple gets it on in the kitchen and they defile the whole thing with their cum. Her moaning is out of this world hot and he nearly fucks the table across the room.



Victoria’s Secret Angels Nude In Artsy Black & White Photoshoot

November 28, 2015
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I didn’t watch the annual Victoria’s Secret show, because I don’t have cable and YAWN. Victoria’s Secret is kind of a boring brand if you ask me and beside their ability to choose good looking models to walk their runway they don’t really bring anything to the table. That said, being able to say you’re a […]

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Now This A Porn Video I MUST See!

November 27, 2015
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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced […]

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Telling A Stripper She Needs To Lose Weight Is Dangerous Business

November 27, 2015
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Don’t get me wrong, I don’t normally condone violence, but if you tell a stripper she needs to lose weight, you deserve to get hit upside the head. If you’ve ever worked a job in the service industry you know that dealing with people day in and day out is it’s own kind of special […]

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Donald Trump Is Made Of 500 Dicks!

November 26, 2015
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Donald Trump is a dick. Donald Trump is a bag of dicks. Donald Trump is a photo mosaic made of 500 dicks. I hope Donald Trump dies chocking on a dick. Donald Trump is the worst person in the world with a dick and he’s probably the reincarnation of Hitler. Someone once made a photo […]

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#TBT: Catching The Light By Shuji Kobayashi (2014)

November 26, 2015
Thumbnail image for #TBT: Catching The Light By Shuji Kobayashi (2014)

According to Tokyo based photographer Shuji Kobayashi the essence of a good photograph is to: “Grab one’s attention, draw one’s heart into the picture, and leave something in one’s mind. Do not care about the cost. Not about the concept. Not about technique. Not about the equipments. Certainly not about who is in the picture.” More […]

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