Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Like a lot of people, I’ve been glued to the TV this week, watching the news out of the Ukraine with a mixture of fascination and trepidation. It’s a drama that has everything: political intrigue, international tension, stiff-lipped diplomats shuttling between nations and meeting rooms, growing visibly weary and exhausted before our very eyes…. and a world leader who likes to go shirtless on camera and who has spent an awful lot of time grappling with other men (literally).
I have to admit a certain uncomfortable attraction to Vladimir Putin, despite also finding him terrifying and kinda creepy. It’s something that’s hard to explain to a man, but that I think a lot of women will understand; for whatever reason, assertiveness and aggression can be sexy, even when they’re threatening and dangerous in a very real and tangible way. It’s an interpersonal mechanism that has given rise to the cliché about women liking the “rebel type” or “bad boy” and other manifestations of risky menfolk – a cliché to which there is, admittedly, a certain amount of truth, at least for me.
Aside from his rather transparent tyranny and raw dictatorial ambitions, the other thing that tempers my attraction to Vlad is I’m pretty sure, when it comes to his sex life at least, he’s a sub, and subs just don’t do it for me.
I know what you’re thinking: How on Earth did I come to this conclusion?
The short answer is “experience.” I’ve found that a lot of men who project dominance and an ‘alpha male’ front in their public and professional lives actually like to put the shoe on the other foot in the bedroom – and sometimes not just the shoe, but the frilly lace panties that match the shoe, too. For whatever reason, this appears to be particularly true of physically diminutive guys like Putin.
My read on Vlad is that despite his outward half-naked-horse-riding, judo-throwing machismo, this is a guy who would sincerely enjoy being penetrated with a massive strap-on dildo while choking on a ball gag and wearing women’s lingerie. Mind you, I’m not saying that he actually does these things; I’m just saying he wants to.
Given his position on the world stage and the fact that he basically lives in a spotlight, my bet is that Vlad has never been able to really explore this side of himself, and the closest he has been able to get is having Russian customs seize imports of the Bend Over Boyfriend series in order to augment his private DVD stash. (Of course, at 5’6” tall, Vlad probably wouldn’t need to actually ‘bend over,’ but that’s a sexual logistics thing, not a sexual submission thing.)
I could be wrong about this, of course. Maybe Vlad is a more “traditional” anal gonzo kind of guy, and he’s looking to give rather than receive – but I’m betting that if this man played baseball, he’d be behind the plate and not on the mound, if you catch my drift.
In the context of the ongoing crisis in the Ukraine, what difference does it make what sort of porn Putin likes? Well, one of the core principles of both diplomacy and warfare is that you must know your adversary and see him for what he is. As such, we need to ditch the Hitler comparisons (among other things, Hitler was a softcore, Aryan-pinup-only kind of guy) and at least consider giving Vlad what he really wants: something big and hard, right up the ass.
Granted, I’m guessing that neither Obama nor Kerry is going to publicly suggest that – which is just more proof, if any is needed, of that fecklessness and timidity about which the Republicans are always complaining.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out: