Post image for Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Beatrice (2007)

It’s been a decade since this photoshoot appeared in the Estonian issue of Playboy and it shows. I’m not sure what nude models look like in Estonia these days, but this isn’t it. I’m not saying it’s bad, because it’s not. Beatrice is quite fetching, but it’s almost like the stylist and photographer couldn’t figure out what decade they wanted to emulate, which just goes to show how confusing the aughts were in terms of fashion and makeup.

That said, there’s something I really like about the faded red lip stain and the high red cheeks in the third picture as if Beatrice was sucking on a cherry popsicle on a hot day. One can only hope that’s what she was doing in between shots.

As a young lass, I used to take cherry popsicles and repeatedly line my lips with the melting tip to stain them red. It was my way to get away with wearing lipstick without really wearing lipstick. I was a tricky little nymph. My parents hadn’t forbidden me from wearing makeup, it’s just that lip stains weren’t something that existed in my universe. I didn’t want to wear lipstick, I just wanted my lips to look flush as if I had just come out of a makeout session.

Another handy trick for those emergency moments when you run into someone and you suddenly wish you had swiped on some tinted lip balm before leaving the house, you can gently bite your lips to draw blood to the area. They will instantly look a little bit redder and fuller.

Ah yes, the secret joys of being a woman. Beatrice knows what I’m talking about. Beatrice knows.

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Post image for Porn Blooper Reels, Because Why Not?!

The corkscrew phone cord stuck in the scrunchie is so retro.

Every. Porn. Shoot. Should do bloopers reel! It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen. This Vivid Throwback is SFW, so it’s kind of tame, but just imagine the kind of stuff we could see on an Adriana Chechik shoot?!

Just imagine! I feel like there would probably be a couple anal prolapses in there. Perhaps some accidental poops. A few flubbed lines. Lots of giggles. Perhaps a few “Dude, what the fuck are you doing?”

Check out the video:

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Post image for Hump Day, GIF Day:  Kendra Lust Gets You Through The Week

Lisa Ann is the number one MILF everyone knows and loves, but my personal favorite is Kendra Lust. The Peepz over at the AVN Awards agree, because after nominating her a few times they finally gave her the 2017 MILF Performer of the Year Award. I hope she has it mounted in her house somewhere. I hope she has mounted her award. I would. I would mount my AVN Award if I had one. I would mount Kendra Lust too.

I hope she has it mounted in her house somewhere. I hope she has mounted her award. I would. I would mount my AVN Award if I had one. I would mount Kendra Lust too.

Kendra Lust was 33-years-old when she starred in her first porno. Ahe came late to a profession that seems overrun with teens, but the bodacious babe rose to fame pretty quickly what with her good looks and energetic sex skills. You’d think that working as a nurse for six years prior to her career in porn would have sapped all that energy, but Kendra is happiest when she’s out and about making people comfortable by taking care of their bodily fluids.

Somehow that can-do attitude doesn’t translate well to desk sex. Apparently, there’s a lot of desk sex in porn and it’s the worst. At least according to Kendra. It’s great when you’re bending over Kendra says, but it’s so damn hard that overall it’s a shitty experience.

Noooooo! Say it ain’t so?! I’m kind of sad to hear that about desk sex, because it remains one of my favorite fantasies. I still wish one (or two, or three) of my old college professors would have bent me over a hard desk. I’m almost tempted to go back to school just to make it happen.

Whatever, according to Kendra Lust I’m not missing much.

10.

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Post image for Sydney Graham Is A Glowing Goddess With A Great Ass

It is so damn humid that my skin has gone from looking like a dewy meadow to some kind of swamp thing. I’m basically Julia Adams in the Creature from the Black Lagoon, which is nothing like the Blue Lagoon FIY. Although, they’re both classics in their own right.

Sydney Graham, on the other hand, looks like she was dusted with fairy dust. Her skin manages to appear like it’s glowing from within. How she manages this without going into shiny, oily, glittery territory is beyond me. All I know is that as a result, I want to lick her peach of an ass.

I’m guessing that’s exactly what the Peepz over at WRENN Management thought when they saw her humps, her lady humps, on Instagram. That’s right, like all the models these days Sydney got her start by amassing a following on social media.

Don’t knock it till you try it. Long gone are the days where modeling agents would troll the juniors department at Sears. God, I hope that never actually happened. One of my high school friends was actually “discovered” in a mall. She did a few modeling gigs, but it never really panned out.

I hope Sydney Graham has a long and prosperous career. She’s gorgeous and I want to see as much of her as humanly possible. I might just devote the rest of my days to stalking her online.

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Post image for Sex News: Virtual Reality Porn, Congress Fucking With Sex Workers, & Sex On Reality TV

Immediately after launching, views of VR videos began to average around 200,000 per day. They further increased in the fall of 2016 and then tripled on Christmas Day! VR devices were a popular holiday gift, and it seems that porn was one of the first things people wanted to try out with their new headsets. After the New Year, average daily views remained much higher than the pre-Christmas levels at around half a million per day.

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Monday Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Kendall Woods?

June 19, 2017
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Why, oh why, would someone spell the name Kendall with two L’s? That’s just confusing. Wait— A quick Google search has informed me that Kendall with two L’s is actually quite common. At least she didn’t spell it Kyndall. Now that would have been plain ol’ wrong. Kendall Woods (a.k.a. Kendall with two L’s) is a […]

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A Photo Book of Naked Ladies I Admire

June 17, 2017
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What do you get when you discover one single book that has beautiful pictures of basically every one of your major crushes in it? I ended up with an empty wallet and a puddle on my desk chair. I’m a big fan of coffee table photography books. I’ve got dozens of them lining my bookshelves […]

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Fap Along With Harlot: We’re Going Plaid!

June 17, 2017
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Last year for Halloween, I was a farmer, my wife was a carrot and our pug was an ear of corn. We didn’t put much thought our effort into our costumes, we just found the dog corn costume and built ours around that. I kind of bugged me that I was just wearing jeans and […]

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The Deuce: Sounds Like I May Need To Get HBO Again

June 16, 2017
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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced […]

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Sex News: Sex Act That Kills, Straight People Don’t Exist, The Pros & Cons Of Robot Brothels

June 16, 2017
Thumbnail image for Sex News: Sex Act That Kills, Straight People Don’t Exist, The Pros & Cons Of Robot Brothels

I came out as bi to my best friend when I was 12 or 13, somewhere around there. It’s hard to remember how old I was exactly, but I continued to identify as bisexual until I was 15-16. These days I identify as straight, even though I continue to be sexually attracted to women. If […]

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