Thank you Florida for always making the headlines. I really appreciate the way you keep the degenerates coming. I am both entertained and appalled, which oddly enough is a great combo, especially when I’m trying to distract myself from all the anger I’m feeling towards stupid trolls (not the kind that live under bridges, the kind that live to make your life miserable in comment threads).

Maybe I should try masturbating, that always calms me down. It always makes me feel better. I thought orgasms had the same effect on everyone, but apparently it can lead some people to vandalism.

At least that’s what William Thomas, 25, told cops when he was arrested after going on a vandalism spree. Thomas who was shirtless and covered in dirt at the time of his arrest claimed his spree was the result of too much music and too much masturbation.

I kid you not, the guy literally said that he had “listened to too much music and masturbated too much and he felt like going out and destroying stuff.”

Oh boy, you mean to tell me the Dad in Footloose was right, rock n’ roll music really is obscene? I tell ya, you gotta watch out for so many things these days. Pretty much everything causes cancer and if you’re not careful you might listen to the wrong song and end-up in jail.

Lay off the fapping for a while if you don’t want to end up like Thomas here, who’s facing felony burglary and criminal mischief charges for causing more than $2000 worth of damages to the home of Davor Jerkovic in Clearwater, Florida. It’s unclear why Thomas targeted Jerkovic’s home, but sources say he may have been a real jerk.

Via thesmokinggun.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

The very first time I ever participated in something involving people being filmed, I learned something I’ve never forgotten: As soon as people know they’re on camera, they stop behaving like themselves and start acting. I’m not saying we do this consciously, necessarily, but I believe we all do it, at least to some extent.

I’m not knocking people for acting differently when they’re on camera, because I know I’m the same way. I think this is just a natural, human thing; when we know a record is being created of what we do and say, we become more self-conscious, less comfortable and inevitably, less ourselves.

This is why I’ve always asserted there’s no such thing as “reality television,” because even on the shows which don’t stage virtually every aspect of the on-camera action (assuming there exists any reality shows which don’t), nobody behaves in a “real” way, once they know the cameras are rolling.
It’s also why I have a hard time accepting the notion of a photographer getting “honest” or “natural” reactions from people who he’s photographing half-naked as they’re actively watching porn.

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I would say it started in the ’70s but it really had its resurgence in the 2008, 2009 area. Parodies were just another form of porn. And then in the ’80s, it got pretty big with the home video market. After that, people tagged the names on the titles of the movie, so it sounded like a parody, but it wasn’t necessarily. Since people weren’t really sure if something was a parody or not, they didn’t pay them much attention at that point. From after that until a little later, it died down a bit, and then in about 2008, there was a Brady parody. And then there was a Sarah Palin parody. And those really bumped the market back up for it.

Bob's-Boners

Comedy + Sex + Pop Culture = A Good Time! It’s a winning combination.

This authority I speak of is Kevin Blatt, “the world’s only celebrity sex tape broker,” according to his Twitterbio. Since Blatt has worked on several celebrity sex tapes firsthand (his first being the infamous “1 Night In Paris” video), he knows of the “splits” and web dollars that went into the bigger, more renowned celebrity sex tapes.

At one point in his career, Blatt claims to have received a new sex tape every two weeks. As such, he’s seen more from your favorite celebrities than you’d ever imagine. “I can’t really tell you the celebrities that I saw because I have signed off on confidentiality agreements,” he told Vice, but mentions that these things include witnessing “very straight male actors engaging in very gay sex acts with men.”

Paris-Hilton-Sex-Tape

None of the celebrity sex tapes feature celebs I actually want to see having sex, well, except for the Collin Farrell sex tape.

China is finally coming out of the darkness of sexual repression, basking in the glow of lost virginity and doing whatever else it is you do when, as a society, you become more open, sexually, that is. In all honesty though, China has been becoming freer ever since the blessed death of the sexually-conservative Chairman Mao in the 1970s.

The quickly adapting acceptance of sexual expression and freedom has manifested in China’s love hotels, a similar but less kinky version of their Japanese counterparts. After the extremely successful opening of China’s first love hotel in 2008, there have been hundreds springing up. I mean really, who doesn’t want to have sex in a room lavishly decorated like Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream?

Love-Hotels

I would not mind having sex in a hotel room decorated like Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Nope, I wouldn’t mind that at all.

Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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Masturbation Roll

by RICK RODAY on April 28, 2016

Peeperz presents to you the best sites on the entire internet:

Watch Tiny Teen Lucy Doll’s Candy Cane Tease – Sex.com

Louise Mikkelsen for Vogue Spain by Purienne – DrunkenStepfather

Jessica Alba Still In A Bikini In Hawaii – CelebJihad

Emma Roberts Sexier Than Ever – CelebSpank

Abbey Clancy Braless in See Through Sheer Blouse – TaxiDriverMovie

Sara Bareilles See Through at Waitress Premiere! – The Nip Slip

Azealia Banks’ ‘The Big Big Beat’ Video Aims For Controversy – Smoking Section

Angela White is a Busty Outback Babe! – BoobieBlog

Ariel Winter – Cosplaying for Cosmopolitan – PrettyHot&Sexy

Sexy Celeb Babes – Paparazzigr.tv

Follow Peeperz on Twitter! – We rock the tweets, join the party

 

Image: Alexis Fawx in The Naked Mom by Brazzers

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Joan Severance was one of the top hotties of the ’80s. She has that amazonian physique that was so damn popular back then (with good reason). After a successful modelling career, both in the States and internationally, Severance made her way to Hollywood where she immediately landed an agent and a manager. Good looks work wonders in that town!

Severance had the looks and the right kind of exposure, but she never quite landed that role that would catapult her to stardom. Oh sure, she was at the top of the game in the modelling world, but in Hollywood she managed to nab a few small roles in big Hollywood movies and a few guest spots on popular TV shows.

It’s not all bad news, Severance continues to have an interesting career with acting credits being added to her IMDB age to this day. It’s not all about reaching absurd levels of fame. Putting in the work to have a long successful career even if you’re never going to win enough Oscars to build a cabinet is its own merit.

Here you can see her in the Gene Wilder and Richard Prior movie See No Evil, Hear No Evil about a blind man and a deaf man who witness a murder. It’s a classic ’80s comedy where Joan Severance gave and outstanding performance as Eve the girl who takes a shower.

Check out the video:

It’s okay, he’s blind. No, wait.. that’s the other one. He’s deaf, which means that he’s totally being a pervy Peeping Tom. Bad Gene Wilder, bad Gene Wilder. Bad.

Oh man, in the late ’90s and early aughts I went through a Gene Wilder phase where I watched every single movie he ever starred in and I must see I developed quite the crush. Had I been in Joan Severance’s shoes I would have been all over that like ham on rye.

Severance modeled nude for Playboy back in 1990 when the magazine was still relevant and although I’m not always a fan of the Playboy aesthetic, I gotta say they knocked this one out of the park. The header picture is particularly astounding.

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Pauline Baly Is A Vision From Heaven By Kesler Tran

April 27, 2016

I dreamt I was in jail. It was a co-ed jail and James Deen was there. Everyone was fawning all over him and I was like “Dude’s a creep!” But no one would listen to me, so I used him to stage a prison break. The prison break was not a success. Oh sure, I […]

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Hump Day, GIF Day: Veruca James Gets You Through The Week

April 27, 2016

Veruca James (AKA the accountant turned porn star) did her first porn scene – an anal scene –  in May 2011. Usually, a porn star will start with a solo scene and work there way up to anal by way of girl/girl and girl/boy scenes, but Veruca doesn’t hold anything back. It’s one of the […]

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Rihanna Is Badass & Topless In New Video For “Needed Me”

April 26, 2016

Rihanna is an unstoppable force. Many are calling her new “Needed Me” video gratuitous as fuck and perhaps the most explicit video in history. Could be, could be. Personally, though, I think it’s perfectly in line with Rihanna’s brand and fuck you attitude. There are many things to love about Rihanna, but one of the […]

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When Tipping Your Prostitute, You Should Probably Avoid…

April 26, 2016

Other than camming, I’ve never worked a job where I could be tipped. I was a retail slave for years, and the only bonus I ever got from that whole debacle was a pat on the back and a job well done from my boss. When I’m eating out, 9 times out of 10, I […]

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Porn Stars Ask Answer Your Questions: Is Squirt Pee?

April 25, 2016

Squirt is not pee. It’s not. Squirt is a liquid produced by the Skene glands, which produces a fluid when the urethral sponge (aka the G-spot) is poked and prodded, err, I mean stimulated. Is squirting porn faked? Like most things in porn, the answer is yes. It’s a job. It’s a performance. It’s all […]

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