Post image for Bella Thorne & Scott Disick Dating Is The Weirdest Thing Ever!

I’ve never seen an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but I’ve seen a million Scott Disick GIFs on Buzzfeed and although I’ve definitely never seen an episode of Shake It Up! I’ve been able to determine that that’s the name of the Disney show that launched Bella Thorne’s career.

I tried googling an image from Shake It Up! to show you guys how Bella looked back then, but she’s so young on that show I feel like posting any picture from that time period is likely to get me arrested. If you want to google “Bella Thorne Before & After Plastic Surgery,” though, you’ll find lots of compare and contrast images.

Basically, Bella Thorne is the new Miley Cyrus. She’s all over the gram and the interwebz taking off her clothes, doing funky things with her hair and generally just trying to shed her Disney persona. It’s working, because all the porny celeb blogs are all about Bella these days.

As for Scott Disick, you may know him as The Lord or Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy. Those two had a pretty public breakup a couple years ago and now he’s dating Bella Thorne or at least sexing her up on a daybed in Cannes. It’s the weirdest thing.

To put things in perspective, Scott is 33-years-old while Bella is 19-years old. Sure, it’s not as big of an age difference as Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden, who were 51-years-old and 16-years-old at the time of their wedding. The age difference isn’t even what’s so weird about this. It’s just so out of left field.

Do they have anything in common? What do they talk about?! I can’t even.

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Post image for Was It Luxurious Rat Crap, At Least?

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

Despite spending the better part of half my life working in the porn industry, I know almost nothing about choosing a good location for a porn shoot.

While we’re all familiar with the practice of porn producers renting out upscale homes in which to film (a practice which doesn’t always work out so well for all parties involved), I’m not at all sure how this process works.

Does someone from the studio do a walkthrough of the home first to make sure it’s suitable for filming? Alternatively, do they rely on ‘virtual tours’ available on some real estate listing websites, perhaps?

If a certain porn location-related news item which came to light this week is any indication, pornographers may need to add a new type of consultant to their list of location advisors and information resources; a trustworthy pest-control professional.

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Post image for Sex News: You’ve Made Porn, Now What?, Some More “Hot Girls Wanted” Shittiness, & Man Hate Jerks It To Portland

I’ve got bullshit followed by some more bullshit and some what the fuck for you Peepz today. Enjoy!

Pornography will change your life. There is no way to fully convey to you the absoluteness of this. The magnitude with which this is true. This is not the kind of job that recedes softly into the rearview after you quit. This is not the kind of job that you do once and then forget. This job is not forgettable. Once you have done it, anyone who knows you have done it sees a mark on you — believes there is a thing about your personality or life history that is revealed.

After you have made pornography, it will be viewed as a part of you forever, and because it is viewed this way it will be a part of you forever.

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Post image for Throw Back Thursday: Angelina Jolie For People Magazine (1998)

Back in 1998, Angelina Jolie was my ultimate celebrity crush. I still think she’s gorgeous, but I miss the knife wielding, blood wearing, crazy Angelina with an edgy style. These days (and ever since her image reform) Angie is kind of boring. She’s too much of a goody two shoes what with her UN work and altruistic persona.

And now she’s getting a divorce from her OTP Brad Pitt! What in the world will happen now?! Brad was only interesting because he was married to Angelina Jolie. Let’s face it, when he was with Jennifer Aniston they were the blandest of the blandest. I don’t understand how she keeps attracting “cool” dude types. She must be really, really, really nice IRL.

I wonder who Angelina will end up with next? It’s anyone’s guess. There’s always hope that she gets back with her first husband,  Jonny Lee Miller. Sure, he’s married to someone else now, but that has never stopped Angie before. Hardy har har, but for realz though. Angie and Jonny back together would be magical.

Did you know that when they got married in 1996, Angie was wearing a white t-shirt with Jonny’s name written in blood on it?

I want that Angelina back.

In the meantime, I guess I could just look at these pictures all day while imagining a better time and place. Ah yes, the ’90s ,they were the true golden era. How good did we have when Bill Clinton was President? Amirite.

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Post image for Caroline Vreeland Topless At The Beach Is A Miracle

Caroline Vreeland‘s boobs are real, right? I really hope so, because I want to go on living in a world where such perfection can exist without the intervention of a plastic surgeon. I see so many fake boobs during the course of a normal work day that I don’t know what real boobs look like anymore unless they’re small and/or saggy.

If I see tits that are naturally big and round my first thought is always “Boob Job!,” because fake boobs are so damn prevalent these days that I just assume they’re EVERYWHERE.

It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but with fake tits. I think this would be a great movie. I mean, if movies like Killer Condom, and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! can get greenlit, why not movies about sentient breast implants that try to take over the world.

I’m pretty sure that’s what all those paps are doing hiding in bushes with their cameras. They’re definitely lying in wait to catch a glimpse of the breast implant uprising first hand. Creepy photographers are clearly unsung heroes. We’re constantly shitting on paparazzi and to think that all this time they’ve been trying to prevent the breast apocalypse.

Fingers crossed that Caroline’s boobs are real, I wouldn’t want her to fall victim to a species of small blob aliens. Beware the blob, it eats you alive!

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Sex News: Talking Sex Dolls, Felted Boobs, & History Of Cunt

May 23, 2017
Thumbnail image for Sex News: Talking Sex Dolls, Felted Boobs, & History Of Cunt

I went to court today to contest a ticket for something or other and I won! I actually won. I can’t believe the judge believed me. A sex doll that can talk – but is it perfect Harmony? (BBC News) Harmony is a new type of sex doll – one that can move and talk. […]

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Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Vera Drake?

May 23, 2017
Thumbnail image for Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Vera Drake?

If you do an image search of Vera Drake, the first picture you’ll see if a kindly old English woman who used to give illegal abortions to women in the 1950s. Of course, that’s the plot to a highly acclaimed movie that was released in 2004 and not at all what I was looking for. […]

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Miley Cyrus Changes Her Image & Releases A New Video

May 22, 2017
Thumbnail image for Miley Cyrus Changes Her Image & Releases A New Video

Just the other day I was wondering what the hell happened to Miley Cyrus and all of a sudden she’s all over the place again, with a couple new interviews, a new photoshoot, a new single, a new music video, and a new look. I’m here to tell you, Miley Cryus is back to her […]

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Does Marisa Papen Have A Tattoo Under Her Foot?

May 21, 2017
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Every time* I see a photoshoot of Marisa Papen she’s strolling about some magical wild kingdom (mostly, Hawaii) in the nude like some damn lady of the woods who is about to take over the world one titty picture at a time and it works. I love what Marisa is about. I dig the whole […]

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Last Week On Insta: Cherry Sinatra, Kendra Sunderland & +++

May 20, 2017
Thumbnail image for Last Week On Insta: Cherry Sinatra, Kendra Sunderland & +++

I’ve got to stop scrolling through Instagram. Some days I have a hard time finding pics that speak to me, but today I was finding one good after another. I can’t make this post too long, though, so I had to cut myself off. @cherrysinatra for @her.sins Prohibition: A Cannabis Cabaret!! #austinburlesque #austinphotographer A post […]

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