Post image for Sex News: Face-Recognition Porn, Sex Stores, & Sneezing Fetish

Oh man, I’ve been having weird dreams. I put a rock in my bikini bottoms so I could masturbate with it? I don’t know what my mind was trying to process with that one.

Porn site Megacams just introduced a not-creepy-at-all feature that lets you upload a photo of someone you want to see nude and get matched up with a lookalike “sex model.” The feature leverages facial-recognition technology to scan a photo — analyzing things like the bridge of the person’s nose, their forehead, and chin — to find a similar-looking sex model in the site’s database. What a world we live in, huh?

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Post image for Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Dita Von Teese (2002)

Dita Von Teese is perfect. And by that I mean, she’s a perfectly constructed persona and it never ceases to amaze me how she can be so faithful to one look. Sure, it’s a timeless look, but I wonder if she ever feel like just saying fuck it and wearing a pair of sweats and ugg boots.

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Probably not.

Here you can see Dita from a photoshoot she did for Playboy back in 2002. She’s showing off her nice ta-tas and even some bush and lips. As usually she’s channeling burlesque and a little bit of BDSM, which is a perfect combination with her femme fatale looks.

Dita didn’t always look like the leading lady in a film noir. If you can believe it, once upon a time Dita was a bubbly teenage cheerleader with the looks and blonde hair every girl dreamed of.

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Obviously, Dita was always a knockout, but she definitely honed a very particular look over the years, which she has worked to her advantage. Dita Von Teese will never be mistaken for someone else, because she is so distinctive in her own look that it’s impossible to forget the dark-haired beauty once you’ve laid eyes on her.

Dita’s bedroom eyes are just begging me to run my hands all over her milky white skin. I bet her tits feel amazing, too bad this is all make believe and that will never happen. Never, I tell you. Never.

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Post image for Angelina Jolie’s Divorce, A Pornhub Insights Perspective

America loves a loser or at least a juicy story about successful people having personal problems. Constant news about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s divorce have become a mainstay of American pop culture over the last few days, and for good reason- their life seemed better than ours and it’s comforting to find out it wasn’t.

I spent the entirety of their relationship playing World of Warcraft and while I may have not traveled the world or generated millions of charity dollars for worthy causes, I’m not going through a nasty public divorce either. Sounds like I played my cards better than I realized.

While people like me are sucking the teat of entertainment news for the latest Brand and Angelina details to validate our mediocre life choices, those morally above wallowing in celebrity gossip are able to do more productive things with their time… like searching for Angelina Jolie on Pornhub?

According to a recent report by the smart, attractive people behind Pornhub Insights searches for everyone involved in the Brangelina love triangle have spiked since news of the divorce broke. Hmm!

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Post image for Hump Day, GIF Day: Jillian Janson Gets You Through The Week

I’m too tired to think, let alone write, so I’ll just leave this meme here for you.

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I ate some chicken noddle soup and some chocolate chip cookies, I feel better now. Less tired, more about getting your attention, so stop fapping… for at least a minute. READ ALL MY WORDS. My precious words that take me an eternity to craft so that each and every blog post is perfect. Better than the next great American novel.

I’m tired, because I’ve been googling iPads all day and each and every time I decide which one I want to buy I go to order it online and they don’t have the color I want or they don’t have the number of gigs I want. Making decisions is hard. (I was literally sulking as I wrote that last sentence.) I’m officially the worst.

Nooooow, you can go back to fapping with a little help from Jillian Janson. She’s up to the task, I assure you.

20.

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Bing image search “Jillian Janson” GIFs and you’ll find a whole lot of this. Deep. Throat.

19.

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Post image for Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Morgan Lee?

Morgan Lee has a stunning face, a tight little body, and an amazing ass. It’s no wonder that she was nominated for a 2016 AVN Best New Starlet Award.

Lee got into porn when she met fellow performer Spencer Scott while studying hairstyling. It’s not your typical story of girl meets agent while stripping or girl gets into porn through modelling, but whatever works… amrite?!

That tight little body can be attributed to the fact that Lee trains for competitive MMA fighting, which comes as a surprise. To me, at least, because I know next to nothing MMA and that little tidbit of info makes me want to know more about Morgan Lee.

It’s an interesting combo is all. Pornstar and MMA fighter, it’s a pretty intriguing career path. She loves basketball too, tough, she doesn’t play professionally, which probably has something to do with the fact that’s she’s tiny. You don’t see many 5’1″ Koreans in the WMBA.

What really gets me going about Lee is her stunning looks.

Look at that face!

I am here in Ibiza 😝

A photo posted by Morgan lee Bitch 😼 (@lil_kim_cheez) on

I could just eat her up.

I can’t stop looking at Lee’s eyes and her long dark hair is just one other thing that’s so damn amazing about Morgan Lee. I haven’t watched many of her scenes yet, as I’ve just discovered her, but I’ll be spending the rest of my day watching her vids on Pornhub, that’s for damn sure.

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Kim Kardashian Isn’t Just An Ass, She’s Got Amazing Boobs Too!

September 26, 2016
Thumbnail image for Kim Kardashian Isn’t Just An Ass, She’s Got Amazing Boobs Too!

Kim Kardashian is on a mission to show the whole world that she has amazing tits. No, seriously. I’ve been staying away from posting too many KK updates, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t kept an eye on her assets and lately every time she’s stepped out for the paparazzi it’s been all about her […]

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Sex News: Porn Star Side Hustles, & An $25K Pornhub Scholarship

September 26, 2016
Thumbnail image for Sex News: Porn Star Side Hustles, & An $25K Pornhub Scholarship

What’s your side hustle? Do you have one or do you put all your focus on your day job? Rise and Grind: A Look at the Side Hustles of Porn Stars (Broadly) According to “A Scene Is Just A Marketing Tool: Alternative Income Stream In Porn’s Gig Economy” by USC women’s studies professor Heather Berg, […]

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Sex News: Weird Porn Scenes, Amber Rose Debut, & Porn In Russia

September 25, 2016
Thumbnail image for Sex News: Weird Porn Scenes, Amber Rose Debut, & Porn In Russia

Porn Stars Talk About the Weirdest Things They’ve Been Asked to Do for a Scene (Vice) “The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever been asked to do for a scene was to walk around and pretend that I had a limp. I also had to pull my mouth open and show my fillings in a photoshoot […]

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Coffee Fetish=Pumpkin Latte Sex

September 24, 2016
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My girlfriend sometimes complains that I sound like I’m having an orgasm when I take a taste of something delicious. I can’t help it honestly because it’s kind of the same type of satisfactory feeling for me. It’s not a fetishy thing for me, but I have definitely been known to moan a bit when […]

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Fap Along With Harlot: Bad Week No More

September 24, 2016
Thumbnail image for Fap Along With Harlot: Bad Week No More

Like some of you Peepz, this week was a long one. Work seemed to drag on forever and I had so much to do that I mentally checked out and managed to get zero things accomplished. All I wanted was to hang out at my desk, grab my favorite vibrator, and pleasure myself. When I […]

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