A Condom So Thin It’ll Leave Her Wondering If You Used It

by Lola Byrd on December 20, 2011

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Long-term committed relationships are great, if only for one reason: assuming you’ve both been tested for sexually transmitted diseases and there’s another sort of birth control going on (or not if you want kids) you can forgo the whole condom thing.

We’re all about safe sex here at Peeperz, but I’ll be the first to admit that condoms can be a drag sometimes. They’re great for casual sex, but there’s something about the feel of skin against skin and hot sticky fluids that make sex within a monogamous relationship a little bit better.

Bare-backing it isn’t always a safe option though, which makes the ultimate thin condom the holy grail of safe and pleasurable sex.

According to the copy for a new Durex ad, currently running in India, the superthin ultima condom is so thin “you can leave her pleasantly puzzled–did he really use one? Or didn’t he?”

I always smile coyly when I plan for an abortion and a STD panel.

I like a thin condom as much as the next guy, but I’m not really looking to be left wondering whether or not one was used. It’s not that I’m paranoid… expect that I am.

You see, when I was a wee lass of fifteen and about to have sex for the second time in my life, I asked the guy I was with if he had a condom. Had I known he was going to say yes, turn to the bedside table, and PRETEND to put one on I would have pulled out the condom I had in my back pocket and slide it on myself, but nooooo….. I was a trusting inexperienced kid with bad night vision.

Long story short, I only realized I had been tricked when he blew his load inside of me. Semen leaking down my legs was a dead give away. I hadn’t come close to having an orgasm, there was no way the puddle slowly forming on the mattress between my legs had come from me.

What an asshole! On the upside, he did teach me to be a little more assertive about protecting my womb and body from unwanted invading forces. All of which to say, a condom so thin you barely notice it’s there = good, while a condom so thin you’re left wondering if you need the morning after pill = bad. Thanks for the happy walk down memory lane, Durex! Being violate never felt so good.

Via the gloss.com

Tagged as: Condoms, durex, safe sex, thin latex, tricked

  • Alex_33

    The best…

  • http://twitter.com/OhEmGeeItsLGB La Gordita Bonita

    In India, you say? Um… the hubby & I recently watched a special about how entire towns in India are 100% male… because they are killing off or aborting girls to avoid having to pay dowries (even though ultrasounds in India are apparently illegal!!! whoa!). This smirking condom ad is certainly targeted at men. But they can’t even find wives to marry… how will they find promiscuous wonton women who… oh, actually inexperience is enough to leave one wondering about condom use, as your own experience shows us first hand, Lola.  :(  I’m sorry that happened to you, hon.  Happened to me, too come to think of it… I didn’t know any better either.  And now, as odd as it may seem, I hate it when a guy cums in my vagina.  Especially without my permission.  Gross.

    So, yeah… I’m not liking this condom ad at all. In fact, I think I’m verging on outraged.

    • Lola Byrd

      I was with a guy once who wanted me to give him a blowjob. It was a one night stand, so I reached for a condom. He said that if I was going to blow him with a condom, he’d rather just fuck. I told him I was really good at giving head with a condom (not to toot my own horn), but he wasn’t having any of that.

      I saw him put the condom on, and then we started fucking doggie style. I can’t remember what he did exactly, because it was a long time ago, but I go this feeling that he had slipped the condom off while we were fucking. When he pulled out, I saw that he wasn’t wearing one and I was like “what the fuck dude,” but he gave me this line about holding the rim of the condom when he pulled out and slipping it right off. If he did do that , I couldn’t see the condom anywhere. To this day, I’m still not sure whether he used one of not, which was a concern at the time, because he would fuck chicks and then offer them jobs at his massage parlor. I turned him down and went on my merry way..

      Thankfully, he didn’t give me an std.

      • http://twitter.com/OhEmGeeItsLGB La Gordita Bonita

        Ugh!  Dudes can be so self-centered sometimes.  I have a friend whose ex once lost the condom *inside* her and didn’t tell her… and so a day or two after the sex happened, she was sitting on the toilet and it slid out with a sploosh.  Good thing she was on the pill and taking it religiously, I guess….  though I still dunno how she didn’t feel it up in there….

        Anyhoo, the worst part about it is the fact that our vaginas are far more prone to infections than a guy’s penis.  They can be asymptomatic for SO many things (hellooooo HPV/cervical cancer vaccine) it’s like a joke to guys.  And so many of them don’t even realize that the vaccine only protects against *some* strains, not all of them… or that guys can transfer yeastie beasties via fingers or cocks, even if they don’t end up having one themselves (and yes, those count as STI’s as well).  Don’t even get me started on things like trich or herpes… which, again, are worse for females because our whole genital area is open and moist.  Grrrr…

        *ahem*

        I volunteered at Planned Parenthood for a while when I was in college.  Learned a thing or two, and got tons of stories in the process.  The majority of the people we treated were girls aged 13 – mid 20s and gay males.  NOT straight males…. who were transmitting the STIs and STDs to all the young women being seen & treated…. (which means they were carriers hopping from one chick to the next, un-treated, because they looked & felt “clean”).  *shivers*

        Okay, I’m done writing my book now :)  But I am sooo right here with you on this one, Lola!!! 

        Love, ~LGB

        • Lola Byrd

          Back when I was eighteen the guy I was with lost a condom inside of me. We were having morning sex and kept going at it even though he had cum and the condom slipped off inside me. He had to run of to work, so he left me there kind of freaking out. I called my best friend at the time who as it happens had just had a one night stand with a doctor and was still at his house, haha. They suggested I call a nurses hotline we had where we were living.

          The nurse told me to relax and jump up and down (of all things?!) and then squat to try and reach it. I couldn’t get at it at first, but it eventually worked, but in the meanwhile I was freaking out and making a mental list of my friends and deciding which ones I’d be comfortable enough around to let the stick there fingers inside my vagina to fetch out the condom. It’s a good test to see which of your friends you’re really close too.

          Of course, once I got the condom out I had to go get the morning after pill, which made me puke. Fun times.

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  • Ballymore3

    Who is the  hottie riding the ‘D’ in the picture at the top!?!  Wow…..

    • Lola Byrd

      I don’t know who that chick is, it’s just a random google image pic. Try googling “condom sex”…

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