I came down pretty hard on Agent Provocateur earlier this week. It’s not their fault, though, I blame Penelope Cruz for that hit and miss. She directed that hot mess. I like knowing who to blame and the director seems like a likely bet if that’s how you roll. I can’t blame the models, who were all blisteringly hot, so down goes Penelope Cruz.
Photoshoots are harder to botch what with the stillness and the no music, it helps because our attention is on the boobs and we forget to judge the rest of the images with the creepy dudes standing by and starring into the distance and not at the boobs, which is clearly where they want to be starring.
I’m clearly biased, though, because Dioni Tabbers is my jam, my lady jam. I’m not saying that Ashley Smith – she of the gapped front teeth – isn’t attractive. Clearly, she is, but when Dioni Tabbers, the time travelling lady wizard, is in the picture all eyes are on her. My eyes, anyway.
Who would want to look away from this?
Love at first sight of underboob!
I can’t look away. It’s physically impossible what with her full breast and full lips and full everything. Plus, I really like her nose and her teeth. Oh, and the way her lips never seem to fully close. Yup, she’s a winner. I want to shrink her and keep her in my pocket and never ever share. Because she’s mine and none of you can have her. Whatever. I don’t care. You can’t make me.
So yeah, I love this this Dioni Tabbers and Ashley Smith Agent Provocateur photoshoot, but I can’t be trusted. I would love it even if they were covered in dirt. And they’re not covered in dirt, they’re covered in lovely lady lace. Like that little red number, which is doing all sorts of things for me. Long live all the things. Dioni, and Ashley, and lace, and Agent Provocateur who are kind of boring me these days but continue to have great taste in models. All. The. Things.
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