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Seeing as how this entry is not only a space-filler between titty shots but also a poignant social commentary, I set out to find an OSA this week that would somehow connect to the ongoing BP oil spill. However, I was quickly disappointed to find that most oil-related words aren’t related to sex at all, but are instead actually related to, like, oil. Therefore, I’d like to introduce my list of top five spill-related pickup lines. Who says irreversible environmental catastrophes can’t be erotic?
5. “I’ll spill my oil into your Gulf anytime, sweet-cheeks.”
4. “I want you to blowhard, and I’m not talking about Tony Hayward.”
3. “I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel like the livelihood of a Louisiana fisherman.”
2. “That large, oil-covered rooster’s got nothing on my big, black cock.”
1. “Two words: junk shot.”
Oh, and as for the OSA, I threw something together about pirates or some shit. Everyone likes pirates. The ratings, as always, are out of three: for two girls and one cup, of course.
Obscure Sexual Act: The Angry Pirate
Urban Dictionary Defines It As: “When a woman is giving a man head, he pulls out, and nuts in her eye. Upon doing this, she will let out some sort of grunt of disapproval, and at this point he kicks her in the shin.” Bonus points!: If she lets out an audible “ARRRRRR”
Creativity: We are lovers of women here at Peeperz, and in no way condone violence against women. On the other hand, one eye + peg leg + pirate noises = pirate hilarity. VERDICT: 1 1/2 girls
Sexual Appeal: The pirate is in a dangerous gray area: too tame for S&M, and probably too close to prosecutable physical abuse for most. However, there are people who bang in animal costumes with cock-holes, so what do I know? VERDICT: 1/2 a girl
Sheer Disgustingness: No poop ingestion. No scatophilia of any kind! What does this so-called OSA think it’s trying to pull! Look up what a tater chip is and understand how a real OSA rolls. Alternatively, don’t. Just save yourself and..don’t. VERDICT: 1/2 a girl
FINAL TALLY: A very disappointing 2 1/2 girls/cups
Next week: Dave attempts to find the OSA with the highest possible overall rating, becomes physically ill.
