Perhaps it is because people literally burst into flame upon viewing Latina muchachita picante Emy Reyes that I was unsuccessful in capturing her head in this video.

“That’s all right, Grams,” you might breathe – through your mouth, “I don’t need to see her head.”

Reyes was on the set of the much-anticipated food truck porn epic “The Flying Pink Pig,” directed by Erica McLean of “Hardcore Circus” fame.

“Just say ‘Welcome to Porn Valley’ in Spanish,” I asked Reyes, staring into what I thought were her eyes but what turned out to be the actual Sun. “It will make people very happy.”

As you can see, the few times I approached her face it was as if Dios Himself swiped the camera away. It’s odd how belief in God can be such a polarizing feeling when Reyes squeezes her breasts together.

Despite not getting footage of the whole person, I am confident you will come away from this video a fan of the approachable and charming Emy Reyes and, from the brief moments in which her face was visible, you saw that she was smiling at you.

Bring Me the Head of Emy Reyes is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

Many of us can remember where we were when we learned of the Kennedy assassination, the World Trade Center tragedies, seeing Britney Spears’ vagina for the first time.

We can also be transported by those iconic photographs of history in the making, or snapshots that defined the zeitgeist, like the sailor and the nurse in Times Square at the end of World War II, the MTV guy landing on the Moon, and Miss Celie meeting her children at the end of “The Color Purple.”

Here is a story of one photograph and one day that captured the spirit and the heart of a nation.

Monday, July 5, 2010.

Today the banks and post offices are closed in America to celebrate our independence from England, yet a porn director from Scotland known as Gazzman is making people work. Hard to believe that a native of that fair country, so long oppressed by the British (according to “Braveheart,” anyway, which is where I get all my information on such matters), would turn around and make Americans suck dick on film.

Well, it’s happening and I’m there to document it.

Gazzman is shooting “Alexis Texas: Nymphomaniac” and the title character is in the room, not looking nymphomaniacal at all, but instead corn-fed and satisfied. She is settled into a comfortable couch, wearing a breezy summer dress and green socks, as she waits for her call to get into slutty makeup and sluttier shoes.

She is texting.

James Deen, one of a handful of male porn performers who works constantly, sits next to her and they strike up a friendly conversation. Though they are paid to fuck each other, one gets the impression they’d do it anyway. This is a nice thing to know.

But the two are products of their generation, and soon the temptation overtakes them to stop talking and start photographing themselves for Facebook and Twitter updates.

It is at this point that I, America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, intrudes on their idyll in a rented home overlooking L.A.’s Sepulveda Boulevard.

“Could I take a picture of the two of you taking a picture of the two of you?” I ask.

“Yes,” they say, and Alexis Texas reads my mind by flashing her nipples.

It is at this moment that many worlds converge. As if sensing that this will be the last photograph ever taken (and how else could you explain it?), Flower Tucci’s abundant and glorious ass rests itself pertly on James Deen’s head. This is known as sandbagging.

Deen looks up and pokes his eyeballs against her buttock.

Then, from stage left, Marco Banderas’ penis pokes above Texas’ head, as if he is a metal detector and she is a shiny trinket buried beneath the sand. But Banderas continues eastward, as if drawn gravitationally to the twin fleshy planets of Flower Tucci’s bum.

Banderas comes to a stop above Deen’s right eye.

“This is not how I expected this to go,” Deen says into Flower Tucci.

But despite all the unexpected changes, Alexis Texas keeps her mind and breasts on posterity, even as Marco Banderas’ penis acts as a turgid puppetmaster to her pert nipples.

“Thank you everyone,” I said, wiping away a tear. “I think we made history this morning.”

“Is good,” said Banderas.

“Time to oil myself up,” said Tucci.

“Not sure what just happened,” said Deen.

And Texas returned to texting.

I Was There: A Short History of the Greatest Photograph Ever Taken is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

Jesse Jane knows how to handle fame.

I have watched Jesse Jane make short work of a convention hall full of autograph seekers, all of whom want to touch her boobs. She is kind and attentive to each of them for the 25 seconds or so they are alloted, but then they need to go, and there can be no boob touching. For the same reason that the U.S. Constitution and whatever they use up in Canada are kept behind glass, Jesse Jane’s boobs can’t be handled by everyone, lest they be corroded by foul dermatological oils and greases.

“But Angelina Jolie touched me once,” says Jane, “and I totally knew what it was like to be star struck.”

The women Jesse Jane thinks are pretty include Marilyn Monroe and Kate Hudson. But she has a special wide-on for Jolie and, now that I think of it, they do look like porny photo negatives of each other.

“My friends knew I loved Angelina Jolie. She is just so sexy to me. And I was in L.A. and they’re like, ‘We have tickets to the ‘Ellen’ show, and I didn’t know who was on.

“So they do this thing where the star comes out into the audience and shakes peoples’ hands? And it’s Angelina Jolie, and I just stood there. With my mouth wide open. And she looked at me. And she was kinds of smiling. And my mouth was wide open. My friends don’t let me forget about it.

“I’m like: ‘Assholes.’”

With Mouth Wide Open: Jesse Jane is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

When we were dating, the person I am married to said, “I want us to be able to hurt each other.” What I thought she meant was that we needed to keep on our toes and continue to recognize the other person as a human being. I’m happy – and exhausted – to say that we’ve continued to hurt each other for seven years.

When I watched the movie “Spit on Your Face” (from the studio Purple Starfish) I had a reaction I don’t normally have while watching porn: disgust. This was quickly followed by relief.

“Porn still has the power to affect me,” I said, weeping and rejoicing. “Even if it affects me to the point of throwing up.”

Each scene starts with a woman literally spitting onto the camera lens, then proceeding to finger (or even toe) the anus of the guy holding the camera. It is an intensely specific movie.

And you might think that, after a moment or two, the spit would be wiped from the lens. But you’d be wrong. Instead, we watch the entire scene unfold as the sputum of personal favorites like Sasha Grey, Lorelei Lee, and (the long since retired from porn) Vixen Vogel slide from the top to the bottom of the frame.

But the girls don’t seem to mind (although Sasha Grey allows herself a “this is disgusting”). In fact, Lorelei Lee laughs lustily throughout. Only Vixen occasionally appears hesitant, but she was never the lifer the other two are.

Because, Readers, spit distracts me and having anything remotely near my Ultimate Exit distracts me more. But I love the fact that there is porn like “Spit on My Face” out there because, for everyone who watches it, that’s one less person who feels alone in wanting to get spat on and jerked off while his prostate is getting tickled and his ass eaten.

And we all know the trouble loners can get up to.

You’re A Better Man Than I Am, Sasha Grey is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

Elegant Angel’s “Pornstar Superheroes” has done adult parodies one better; not only has it incorporated themes from one popular genre and pornified it, but writers/directors William H. and Graham Travis have also thrown in at least a thousand identifiable film references into this “Kill Bill”-meets-”The Stand”-meets-”X-Men” feature starring girls in and out of tight clothes.

Oh, and “Thundarr the Barbarian.”

Those girls are Asa Akira, Tori Black, Kristina Rose, and Sadie West, who find themselves in a lawless, post-apocalyptic Southern California devastated by a flu epidemic and in need of a vigilante hosedown.

Oh, and “Death Wish.”

Naturally some questions arise. How do the cholo gang members keep their t-shirts so white despite the near-total; breakdown of infrastructure? Why does Tori Black choose black latex in the scorching L.A. heat? At least Kristina Rose sensibly chooses white stretchy material. And must Asa Akira always play an Asian?

William H. is one of porn’s most dependable directors, usually making small-budgeted gonzo movies look much more expensive. In his hands, “Superheroes” suffers just a bit from feature sprawl (and I also wondered why scripted porn generally aims for dark themes when all we want to do with these women is fuck them) but you can tell that each of the talented castmembers is grateful for the change, the costumes, and to add some “bad” to their asses.

Having seen the acting chops of Kristina Rose and Asa Akira before in movies like “Seinfeld XX” and (especially” “Pure” respectively, I was happy to see them back in roles with dialogue (and, in Rose’s case, “early stages of telekinesis”). But the real treat of “Pornstar Superheroes” was seeing traditionally gonzo girls Tori Black and Sadie West chewing some scenery.

Elegant Angel doesn’t tend to have overwrought media blitzes for their movies, so I hope “Pornstar Superheroes” doesn’t fly under the radar.

Pornstar Superheroes is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

Kagney Linn Karter is one of my favorite people in porn. She’s kind, hard-working, and talented, and she has a machine-crafted body that seems to conjure semen from all directions.

Madison Scott, though I don’t know her nearly as well as the KLK – and that is a shame – also possesses an energy and a rack that one can imagine spending a good long time with. Or three minutes. But a good long time afterward.

Both are seen in this video from the set of Hustler’s “This Ain’t Star Trek II” (this was one day before the KLK began her exclusive contract with Zero Tolerance) discussing that most democratic of sexual encounters: the gang bang.

As you’ll see in the video, the girls like them.

Anthony Rosano, however, does not.

“The only dick I want to see is mine,” he said.

Rosano is a fine actor as well as musician. His accent as Scotty was impeccable. And you know what? I totally agree with him.

When It Comes to Gangbangs, Some People Are Givers is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

When the first popshot was captured in mid-flight, in Michelangelo’s Le Corde Calde of 1560, it was only a matter of time before such things could be seen bursting forth from video screens in glorious 3D.

Porn, after all, is the science of getting as close as one can to something one can’t currently have.

And 3D might be one of the crusty hooks porn hangs its future on. 3D porn can’t be pirated. Well, it can’t be pirated yet.

Utilizing pro-sumer cameras that aren’t prohibitively expensive to rent, a few 3D porns have been released, each also available in a standard 2d version with a couple of pairs of red/blue glasses in the box.

Aside from the plot, direction, and acting, New Sensations’ “Octopussy 3D” does almost everything right; while we don’t get squirted in the face, director J. Lalls has at least cast women whom we want in as many dimensions as we can get them, the brick houses Phoenix Marie, Audrey Bitoni, and the near-awe-inspiring Aletta Ocean.

“Octopussy 3D” is not the first or best 3D porn; last year’s simple but effective “Cummin’ at You 3D,” featuring Tommy Gunn and Sindee Jennings, was spare, couples’-friendly, and packed with all the gimmicks you’d expect from porn in 3D. At one point even the lens got wet.

“Octopussy 3D,” on the other hand, is disappointing for all the stuff it doesn’t do, especially considering the budget for talent. But that almost doesn’t matter: the busty, hippy trio of Marie, Bitoni, and (quiver) Ocean threaten to break the fourth wall in a way that their birdlike porn counterparts couldn’t hope to, and are perfect for the 3D treatment.

Having met these three in person, I can tell you that I become awkwardly aware of dimensions manifesting themselves from significant parts of my person. That is why I think “Octopussy 3D” is a good start.

And at least it’s not “Octomom 3D.”

3D Porn Cummin At, On You is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

“Deep Throat,” “Behind the Green Door,” “The Devil in Miss Jones,” and the original “Debbie Does Dallas” are all cited as tentpole (ahem) movies of porn’s Golden Age. They were high-budget productions worthy of the mini-phenomenon in America known as “Porno Chic.”

But the Golden Age is strictly a porn industry term. It is used by old-timers in the business to describe that period in which making porn was a license to print money. Of course, there was also that outlaw aspect of porn at that time, too, as it was technically illegal to film it, and the old-timers remember the 70′s and early 80′s as an era of great camaraderie (although accounts from that time paint a different picture – but that is a different story).

As I’ve become more aware of porn from that time, though, I realize that the good old days weren’t always good. There’s a reason that the running joke about 70′s porn includes visible boom mics and wooden acting. For every “Devil in Miss Jones” there were hundreds of “Dickman & Throbbin”s.

“Dickman & Throbbin” features John Holmes and a young Tom Byron in tights, plopped into the middle of a movie about something else. You get the feeling that the original movie ran out of money and was put on the shelf, then the Holmes scenes were flown in. It is an awful movie save for a delicious performance by Amber Lynn.

So I think there is a disconnect between perception and reality with regard to classic porn’s quality versus its contemporary counterparts. Even if the point could be made that Golden Agers were artists and hippies and free thinkers and that many of today’s performers are just cashing a check, the marketplace is demanding that today’s movies be technically superior.

Because making porn is no longer the money-making enterprise it once was, producers of today’s features need to make smart choices on limited budgets. Sets need to look realistic (especially in parodies), and every moment needs to be accounted for.

“Dickman & Throbbin” would not pass muster today.

We visited the filming of New Sensations’ “Golden Girls: An XXX Parody” and had director Lee Roy Myers take us through the set, which looked eerily similar to the one Bea Arthur made her own in the 80′s sitcom original.

While you may have your doubts (and I initially had mine) about the sense of making a porn about grandmothers, you will see that Myers and crew made some very smart choices with regard to a narrative technique called a flashback.

Oh, and there were also some people (Raylene and Rocco Reed) having sex there.

The Golden Age vs. “The Golden Girls: An XXX Parody” is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

Performers. directors, and fans alike have weighed in on condom use in porn: they don’t like it. But a series of moves by California’s Department of Occupational Safety and Health (OSHA), the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, California’s Labor Board, and anti-porn activists may make condom use mandatory, thus constituting what might be the final nail in the coffin of Porn Valley’s once-thriving homegrown industry.

An alliance of disgruntled former porn performers, including born-again Christian Shelley Lubben, and community and public health agencies like AIDS Healthcare Foundation has created a perfect storm of righteous indignation at the way the porn business handles itself with regard to the health concerns of its employees.

Most recently the alliance petitioned LA County to crack down on porn talent agencies, stating, “Labor Code § 1700.9 provides that “[n]o license shall be granted to conduct the business of a talent agency [i]n a place that would endanger the health, safety, or welfare of the artist.”

So if the workplaces are thought to be unsafe, it may be inferred from the latest challenge, then the agencies that procure 98 percent of the talent are unlawfully conducting business because they are putting performers in harm’s way.

That leaves the performers themselves, each of whom performs of his/her own free will and accepts the occasional dose of chlamydia as an occupational hazard.

“Condoms just don’t feel good to suck on, or to take in the ass, hard and fast,” said Belladonna. “If I were required to use condoms, my performance would most likely suffer, and in the end I would suffer.”

Belladonna gives the BEST blowjobs EVER! brought to you by PornHub

Belladonna requires frequent testing for her productions, more common than the current 30-day adult industry standard.

But the forces marshaling against SoCal’s adult business are aiming at the heart of what the industry produces: its most popular hardcore content.

DVD sales have been noticeably flagging since 2005, not only in porn but also in the larger entertainment industry. The economic slump of 2008/2009 coincided with a boom in free adult tube sites, and a concerted rubber drive by the organizations listed above, combined with a comparative lack of action on the part of the disorganized adult industry, may well be the end of porn as we know it.

As we know it. What would porn look like if California mandated condoms? What would it look like if the industry moved elsewhere?

Condoms have long been a mainstay of the content distributed by Wicked, one of porn’s oldest and largest studios, and condoms have frequently been mandated at Vivid in times of increased pressure, such as now. But if condom use in porn became law, only the largest companies with established libraries would survive.

And even they would have to radically alter their content in the face of decreased sales.

The organized attack on porn’s health practices flies in the face of the statistical reality of porn performers‘ comparative cleanliness to their peers in the general population, says Ernest Greene.

Greene is a board member at Adult Industry Medical (AIM), the testing facility of record for the porn business in the San Fernando Valley. He is also a director, an editor at Hustler, and the husband of Nina Hartley.

“In thirty-five years of legal pornography in this country,” Greene says, “not a single clinical death has been correctly attributed to HIV transmission in the making of heterosexual porn. During that time, thousands of sexually active young Californians from very similar demographic cohorts have died of AIDS contracted in circumstances utterly unrelated to porn, including a significant number whose cases were contracted in bathhouses and sex clubs where HIV prevention has been the province of governmental oversight.”

Regardless of who is right, what is the individual choice of a consenting adult, or what feels good, change is coming to porn.

Pro And Con: Condoms to Protect Porn Stars, Kill Porn is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog

Don’t get me wrong; I wrestle daily with my ambivalent feelings about porn parodies. Are they scraping the bottom of the barrel? Are they blazing a trail? But then I realize that thinking too much about porn gives me hives, so I just enjoy it.

What is indisputable is that parodies have breathed new life into porn, and the people largely responsible for this upsurge, X-Play’s Jeff Mullen and Scott David, were on hand for the filming of their latest porn adaptation, “This Ain’t M*A*S*H XXX.”

Producer David went to several rental houses, thrift stores, and boutiques in the month of preproduction for the show, starring 2010 AVN Best Actor Eric Swiss as Hawkeye. It was Swiss’ performance in X-Play’s “This Ain’t Married with Children XXX” that won him the trophy.

“We had some disagreements about the character,” said Swiss of his discussions about Hawkeye with director Mullen (whose porn alias is Will Ryder).

I felt this was funny, you know, talking about character when he’s just about to fuck a couple of 19-year-olds, but then realized he was serious.

“Are you playing Hawkeye like Donald Sutherland or Alan Alda?” I asked, looking at his Alda wig.

“Donald Sutherland,” he said.

“Have you seen the movie ‘M*A*S*H’?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

I consoled myself that Swiss won an award for his acting, and he was going to do fine.

Cavorting about the set were Brianna Blair, Chanel Preston, Alexa Jaymes, and Krissy Lynn, who is playing “Hot Lips” Houliham/ They had just shot an operating room scene (“I couldn’t believe I scored those gurneys,” said David) in which Preston had a boob job.

Again, to question these things would make my head hurt. The important thing is, the footage looks great and the girls are hot, and the producers have the verisimilitude down to the guy playing Radar having injured fingers (the original movie and sitcom’s Radar, Gary Burghoff, was missing a finger).

Having been on several parody sets, I know that the various directors do things differently. Mullen/Ryder has a big cast and crew on this one, and David has outdone himself on production design. The set was buzzing with invited guests, the cast ate hot plate lunches, and an older actor named James Bartholet was dressed in drag as Klinger.

“Why are my nipples hard?” he said as he pressed against Brianna Blair, who cringed. They were already getting into character!

“This Ain’t M*A*S*H XXX” will be released early this summer.

Seoul in Every Hole: On the set of “Not M*A*S*H XXX” is a post from: The Peeperz Porn & Sex Blog