It seems like every day I have more reasons to love Canada. They take their gravy cheese-fries seriously, their assorted adult film companies pay for my mixed martial arts classes, and they have the time to study things related to alcohol consumption and casual sex. We here at Peeperz also conduct such experiments, but they usually boil down to pounding off with the Fleshlight I embedded in a pair of hulk hands after downing a bottle of tequila, a sexual toy I have invented affectionately referred to as the “Incredible Cock Smasher.”
At the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, legitimate scientists are performing real science by getting a bunch of people fucked up and then measuring how many of them would have sex without a condom. These results were compared to a control group of individuals who were served no alcohol and answered the same questions.
Now, if I just told you “people make bad decisions after they had a couple drinks” you would probably say “No shit, Rick,” but we’re talking about actual Canadian scientists here. The results of their experiment were significant enough to establish an actual number of drinks a person needs before their risk of having unprotected sex increases. The article states:
“The more alcohol participants consumed, the more willing they were to engage in unsafe sex. An increase in blood alcohol level of 0.1 mg/mL increased the indicated likelihood of engaging in risky sex by five percent. For most Americans, this amounts to about four drinks for women and five for men.”
Considering I have 5 drinks before lunch, I’m just going to have to live with the fact I’m 5 percent more likely to have unprotected sex.
Then again, with the Incredible Cock Smasher always within reach, I’m 100 percent more likely to just rampage my junk until I’m too tired to move.