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If you’re serious about sharing with your lover the kind of sexual experiences that the lifestyle has to offer, you need to establish your own set of guidelines and stick by them. The first rule of swinging: Don’t break the rules you make. Think of them as a sacred pact – one that can be altered only after you’ve had a serious talk. Why? You need to know that your man has your back, and you’ve got to reciprocate by making sure that he can trust you. Without a solid foundation to keep you both grounded, you’ll fall off the pleasure swing faster and harder than any man ejaculates the first time he tries apdp (ass/pussy double penetration).
To give you an idea of what I mean, here are the six rules that my lover (PC) and I swing by.
Rule #1: Never Take One for the Team
PC and I never take one for the team, no matter what. If we meet a couple and he doesn’t find the woman hot, even if I’m drooling over the guy we pass on the opportunity to fuck them. No argument, no discussion. The reason: You don’t want to end up resenting your partner for pressuring you into fucking someone whom you’re not that into.
Rule #2: Respect Your Partner’s Feelings
If one night PC’s dying to get his freak on but I’m not feeling it (or vice versa), we don’t go to the club. Point final. The reason: Going to a sex club when only one of you feels like fucking strangers is a buzz kill.
Rule #3: Love the One You’re With
You need to validate each other on and off the playing field. This is crucial. The reason: If either of you feels neglected or undervalued in your relationship, hooking up with another couple will only exacerbate your insecurities. The point of rec sex is to let yourself go and enjoy the pleasure of new sensations. If, instead, you’re worried that your man finds the other woman hotter than you, or that the other guy’s cock is bigger than yours, chances are you’re not going to have a good time.
Rule #4: Fear Only What You Take With You (i.e., sort out your shit before you play)
If we’re not in a good place in our relationship, PC and I wait until we’ve worked through our differences before hitting the club for some sexy time. The reason: Swinging won’t create problems in your relationship, but it will magnify existing or unresolved issues. For example, one of the first times we played with a couple (whom we met online – I’ll have more to say about that in a future post), it became obvious that the woman was only there to make her man jealous (we later found out that he had cheated on her). She became so furious when she realized what a good time he was having that she dragged him to the bathroom to bitch him out in hurried whispers. Needles to say, the night ended early and we chose not to see them again.
Rule #5: Carpe Diem
Consider rec sex as a kind of meditation that invites you to seize the moment. The reason: You don’t want your job or your to-do list to distract you from that killer orgasm that’s just a couple of thrusts away. In my case, all the worries and responsibilities associated with my day-to-day life melt away when I cross the threshold of the sex club. The part of my mind that compels me to keep up appearances and perform the multifaceted roles I occupy in waking life finds itself displaced. The unconscious, animal side of my psyche takes over, urging me to indulge in the pleasures of the senses.
Rule #6: Remember Why You Swing
Never forget why you decided to start swinging in the first place. The reason: The lifestyle is a lot like Pinocchio’s playground. If you lose sight of what’s important (your relationship, your intimacy), you may never find your way back home.
Now that we’ve got all our bases covered, we’re ready to hit the streets. Stay tuned for next week’s post, where I take you inside a sex club and right into the action.
Read all of Emmanuelle’s sordid sex stories
