Chronicles of a Libertine: The Ins and Outs of Sex on the Swing

by Emmanuelle Undine on August 19, 2010

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If you’ve read my other posts, you’ve probably already guessed it: PC (aka Psychic Cock, my lover) and I are swingers. Personally, I hate the term. Every time I hear it I can’t help but think of 1970s happy-go-lucky, Ken and Barbie suburbanite couples who wife swap for kicks (the same goes for another variant: “hot wife lifestyle”). Call me an elitist, but I favor the seemingly more refined, imported expression “libertine” (hence the title of my blog).

Contrary to polyamorists, who engage in more than one romantic relationship at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved, PC and I share an emotionally monogamous bond that is not sexually exclusive. In practice, this means that on the one hand we are committed to building a life together in the conventional sense of what that means to the heterosexual mainstream in North America (cohabitation, marriage, kids, and so forth). On the other hand, we fuck other people. Together. That’s key really – and it’s what differentiates us from those who opt for an open marriage or the like. While maintaining an exclusive emotional partnership with one person, couples in open relationships fuck other people according to whatever rules they’ve established. This may include one or both partners having lovers on the side, whom they do not necessarily fuck together.

How did we become a couple of libertines? Simple. We had (and continue to have) many open, honest, and non-judgmental conversations about sex. The truth is, beyond our high sex drives, we discovered that we’re both pigs who really love fucking. So much so, in fact, that recreational sex (“rec sex” for short) – the kind you have with people to whom you are not emotionally attached – has become our hobby. Don’t get me wrong, we love getting it on privately, and sometimes we go to sex clubs on quiet weeknights just to fuck somewhere other than in our own bed. What really gets our mojo going, though, is something that many couples talk about but seldom actually do: Transforming mutual rec sex dreams into lived reality. Since our fantasies always gravitate towards group sex scenarios, we seek out other couples with similar preferences and sexual orientations (i.e., straight men and bi-curious or bisexual women).

Thinking about joining the lifestyle? Here are some things to consider before you make the transition. Are you jealous, possessive, or insecure? Are you easily embarrassed? Are you afraid to be naked in front of strangers? If you answered “yes” to any of the above, the lifestyle is not for you. However, does watching your partner fuck another man or woman turn you on? Do you love sex? Can you be stone cold sober and still get your freak on? If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then you might just be a closet key party playa.

If you’re seriously considering checking out your local adult lifestyle scene as a single or with your partner, feel free to ask questions in the comments’ section. Also make sure to read my upcoming posts, where I will cover the kind of emotional foundation you need to establish in your relationship before you start playing with other people, what to expect when you go to a sex club, and the action you can score once you get there.

Read all of Emmanuelle’s sordid sex stories

Tagged as: Emmanuelle Undine, open relationship, sex story, swingers, swingersclub

  • Lando

    Sounds fun but to most dudes i’m guessing it would. I would love to have a relationship like this with my gf but she doesn’t like to be naked around random people =/.

    • Emmanuelle Undine

      Thanks for writing, Lando! As for your gf being too shy to be naked around random people, here are some ideas that might help ease her into the swing scene. First (and assuming you don’t already do this), talk to each other about your group sex fantasies, and push some boundaries by fantasizing together during sex. (I love it when PC talks dirty to me and walks me through his fantasies when he fucks me — I come so hard and so fast it’s nuts!). Next, do some research on sex clubs in your area and find one that is on the tamer side of things (some are bathhouses where you can only wear a towel or lingerie — that might be too much for your gf the first time out; also, some only have public rooms where people fuck, while others have a mix of public and private rooms). My fave in my hometown is a lot like a bar — it has a dance floor, etc., and people dress in anything from club wear to high heels and panties. Agree to go together only to check things out and get a feel for the scene. Indulge in some voyeurism and maybe snag a private room where the two of you can have some fun. Get where I’m going with this? :) After a couple of visits or more, your gf might feel comfortable enough to play with new people…. That’s how I got started. (Good luck!)

  • Lando

    Sounds fun but to most dudes i’m guessing it would. I would love to have a relationship like this with my gf but she doesn’t like to be naked around random people =/.

    • Emmanuelle Undine

      Thanks for writing, Lando! As for your gf being too shy to be naked around random people, here are some ideas that might help ease her into the swing scene. First (and assuming you don’t already do this), talk to each other about your group sex fantasies, and push some boundaries by fantasizing together during sex. (I love it when PC talks dirty to me and walks me through his fantasies when he fucks me — I come so hard and so fast it’s nuts!). Next, do some research on sex clubs in your area and find one that is on the tamer side of things (some are bathhouses where you can only wear a towel or lingerie — that might be too much for your gf the first time out; also, some only have public rooms where people fuck, while others have a mix of public and private rooms). My fave in my hometown is a lot like a bar — it has a dance floor, etc., and people dress in anything from club wear to high heels and panties. Agree to go together only to check things out and get a feel for the scene. Indulge in some voyeurism and maybe snag a private room where the two of you can have some fun. Get where I’m going with this? :) After a couple of visits or more, your gf might feel comfortable enough to play with new people…. That’s how I got started. (Good luck!)

  • Nataliya

    my bf is the shy one! :(

    • Emmanuelle Undine

      Hi Nataliya! Glad to hear from a woman :)
      If your bf is shy, you need to find out why. I’ve come to realize that a lot of straight guys who are just starting out (in the swing scene most guys are hetero) feel uncomfortable being naked around other men, and may have a difficult time maintaining an erection as a result. There’s also the fear of not measuring up, cock-wise. Beyond that, there may be other issues keeping him from exploring the lifestyle — he may be afraid to lose you or to lose the intimacy you share. The bottom line: you need to talk through it and be supportive of each other’s feelings. :) Anyhow, I’m going to address some of these points in next week’s post, so stay tuned (and good luck!)

  • Nataliya

    my bf is the shy one! :(

    • Emmanuelle Undine

      Hi Nataliya! Glad to hear from a woman :)
      If your bf is shy, you need to find out why. I’ve come to realize that a lot of straight guys who are just starting out (in the swing scene most guys are hetero) feel uncomfortable being naked around other men, and may have a difficult time maintaining an erection as a result. There’s also the fear of not measuring up, cock-wise. Beyond that, there may be other issues keeping him from exploring the lifestyle — he may be afraid to lose you or to lose the intimacy you share. The bottom line: you need to talk through it and be supportive of each other’s feelings. :) Anyhow, I’m going to address some of these points in next week’s post, so stay tuned (and good luck!)

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