I’m constantly fascinated with the new and improved ways people find to get themselves off. Give a guy the gift of a dry spell and a little imagination and he’s suddenly Bob the Builder. The creators of American Pie didn’t have to look far for the whole fucking a pie gag, because guys have been sticking their dicks in warm wet spots since the dawn of time and they’re not about to stop anytime soon.
I’ve never built my own sex machine, but I have used the good ol’ noggin to get me out of a tough jam when I was alone and feeling horny. Thankfully, these days with the drawers of sex toys I own there’s no need to resort to making my own Ben Wa balls out of a condom and a couple zen meditation balls, but I still like hearing about all the wonderful things you can find around the house and turn into a sex toy.
Need a little suction on your clit, who knew using an empty 2l bottle of Pepsi would do the trick? Well, as it turns out some industrious horny person with a lot of time on their hands and access to the Internet can easily figure that one out.
The problem with DYI sex toys and sex machines is that more often than not you end up with something lodged inside your penis, so although you might be tempted to re-create these kinetic sculptures by Lernert and Sanders, I recommend you save up some cash for a Fleshlight instead. That is, unless you like going to the ER to have an intern remove a beer bottle from your ass.
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