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Steve*, a writer for the Telegraph, swears to abolish Facebook (or at least make people say ‘ewwww’) after unsuccessful attempts at building up his friends list. He quickly found Professor Kelly, director of public health in Teesside, to help him. Professor Kelly, in a bizarre leap from correlation to causality, said his staff found a link between social networking sites and the rise in syphilis.
Professor Kelly said:
“Social networking sites are making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex.”
“I don’t get the names of people affected, (even though we would have tried because it probably means they’re easy) just figures, and I saw that several of the people had met sexual partners through these sites.”
No word about Facebook. But that didn’t matter to Steve. After hearing word that syphilis rates had risen 400 percent in areas of Britain that were 25 percent more likely to log on to social networking sites, Steve realized this was his time to take action against Facebook and write an article that would hopefully lead to an all out panic.
A Telegraph insider told us, “Look what it really comes down to is that Steve didn’t have enough friends on Facebook. He’s just not cool. Stan in accounting has 473 and Helen in HR has over 600. Even the sandwich guy was beating him. I kept telling him it wasn’t a big deal even though, like, everyone knows, it totally is….”
*All names have been changed for privacy
