Hooker University?

by FIONA WILDE on September 27, 2012

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Fiona Wilde is a staff writer and commentator for sssh.com and a published author of erotic novels for Blushing Books. Fiona comes from a background as a journalist for a large daily newspaper, but moved into erotica after mainstream media could not pay enough to keep her an honest woman. Her columns can be found on sssh.com and her novels are widely available on Amazon.com

Artist Mary Engelbreit once said “If you can’t change something, change the way you think about it.” In this election cycle, there’s been a lot of focus on the economy and morality. The U.S. is drowning in debt and unemployment is at record levels, but even so one party is spending an inordinate amount of time examining sexual behavior.

But maybe it’s time to stop all that moral scolding. Conservatives need to understand that the sexual genie has been out of the bottle since the sixties and is just going to get freakier. Americans love them some crazy sex, so rather than fight it why not just have the government turn our national libido into its money-making bitch?

That’s what they’re doing in Spain, where they’ve hit upon the perfect solution to put people to work – by promoting prostitution.

See, it’s all in how you look at something. That man collecting money from women who’ve spent a long night turning tricks isn’t a pimp. He’s a Job Creator. Now, we know America doesn’t like to look stupid. But here goes Spain, showing us up by tapping that ass-for-sale trade to boost employment rates and raise revenue. And to add insult to injury, they’re even giving their pimps an educated workforce to draw from.

Spain is offering prostitution classes where students can learn about the legalities of the trade while also taking courses on the Kama Sutra and the proper use of sex toys.

I’m waiting for the presidential candidates to not only see the sex trade as the answer to our national debut, but to ponder – once again – how the American workforce isn’t properly educated.

I want to hear one of them stand up before a group of Rotarians and declare that we will never be able to compete until American prostitutes are taught to fellate with the same finesse as Spanish prostitutes.

If you don’t think education matters, ask a John. Or as we will now be calling him – The Consumer.

Of course, there will be resistance from lawmakers, but that really seems kind of hypocritical. Politicians have been teaching each other the fine art of whoring since the first lobbyist pulled his car onto that Washington street corner, rolled down the window and yelled, “Hey Congressman? How much?”

There’s enough stroking and sucking up going on in Washington back rooms to make any working girl feel inadequate. And don’t even get me started on the many ways elected officials have learned to fuck us working people, and without the courtesy of a reach-around half the time.

Look, I know I’m coming across as having a dirty mind, but I’m don’t. OK, that’s not true. I do have a dirty mind. But damn it, I’m a dirty-minded patriot who loves her country and I really hate to see us beaten again by the same Europeans who have already sprinted ahead of us with a better health care system.

Are we really going to let them have better hooker schools, too? I think not.

Fiona Wyle is a Sssh.com columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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