I’ve often jerked off on planes, trains, and buses..but always in the bathroom. Always in the cramped, smelly, and piss soaked washroom. Kyle Pearce, 25, of Florida, (Florida again, I mean it was in the air but I think this still counts for a Florida story) was feeling pretty frisky on his flight to Denver, so he allegedly whipped out his dick and started jerking it in plane view (ba dum tshhhh) right there in his seat.
A lucky 18 year-old lady named Danielle was in the aisle over and had this to report,
“I sat next to a man on a plane who was masturbating. I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis. He ejaculated & got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time.”
Grayson Miller, the passenger behind the mile high wanker stated to the authorities,
“My friend Zach turned to me and said, ‘That man is masturbating’ and in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis and he was. I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom.”
Brave man Grayson, to interrupt an obvious psycho masturbator midstroke with a swat! The witnesses to Pearce’s air plane high-jacking (ba dum tshhhh) complained to the airline staff who radioed ahead so that when they landed Kyle Pearce was arrested by the FBI.
If found guilty of uhhhh whatever it is you call what he did, he could face 90 days in jail, a $5000 fine, and a year of supervised release. Consider this a Peeperz public service announcement, if you need uhhhhh some “release” hit up the restroom or cut the pockets out of your pants or something.