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An English man got so mad at his partner for relentlessly reading a book that he decided to give her a generous coating of “brown sauce.”
Gross? Sort of.
Brown Sauce is what one might call steak sauce if they were from North America, but that doesn’t make the story any less weird. Apparently the man was upset because his partner would not put down her copy of 50 Shades of Grey, a steamy romance novel that has been moistening the knickers of mature women across the world. The man considered the best-selling novel to be porn even though I’ve masturbated to episodes of Murder She Wrote that were hotter than it.
The man got brown sauce everywhere. The woman was reported to have been covered from head to toe, with sauce caked in her hair and even splattering the walls behind her. For this hostile marinating of another human being, he was arrested and charged with common assault, which I presume is the gentlest kind of English assault one can be charged with. He is now equipped with a house arrest anklet and had to pay about $150 in fines on top of receiving community service. The man and women split, ending their five-year relationship much to the dismay of their respective parents, with whom they still live.
I knew a girl who was so into yellow mustard that she admitted to becoming sexually aroused at the idea of spreading it on her body. It’s a shame the woman in this story didn’t have a similar condiment fetish. After receiving a passionate squirting of brown sauce, she could have embraced her partner while exchanging salty, tangy kisses.
It could have been the perfect setup to one of those European porns that you see in thumbnails on websites but never click on because everyone is so skinny and pale. However if it had “squirting brown sauce” in the description there would probably be a few takers.
Via LaWeekly.com
