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Ever feel that your weekend masturbation binges aren’t appreciated enough by the general populace? Or that you should be doing more for society while your hands are down your pants? We sure do.
Now we can make our hours fondling ourselves really count. And we no longer have to do it locked in a bathroom alone. Get ready for this year’s Masturbate-a-thon.
Over a decade ago Good Vibrations declared May as masturbation month and as an added bonus brought out a fundraiser featuring pledge and charity donations for a group masturbation contest. You can jerk off or watch others jerk off for an entire Sunday on May 30th. For the latter you may want to think of goggles and fashioning some type of splashguard.
Competitions include:
Longest Squirt Distance
Longest Time Spent Masturbating
Most Orgasms
Target Ejaculation (how close can you get from the bull’s eye)
This competition is for professionals. Last year’s record for Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Male was an absurd 9 hours and 58 minutes! That deserves a medal or trophy or lifetime supply of chaffing cream.
We’re going to start knocking on neighborhood doors asking for donations and pledges for the Masturbate-a-thon. It should go fine. This is so much better than little Tommie’s Run-For-Fun.
