Michael Douglas Got Throat Cancer From Eating Too Much Pussy?

by Lola Byrd on June 3, 2013

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Eating pussy is a double edged sword, on one hand it causes throat cancer and on the other it cures throat cancer. It all depends on whose pussy you’re eating. No joke, old man Michael Douglas was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer three years ago. Don’t worry, he’s still alive and romancing the stone.

During a recent interview with the Guardian, when asked if he regretted all his years of hard boozing and smoking, Douglas answered that he got throat cancer from eating pussy and that his “bad habits” weren’t to blame.

Now, without reading any further I immediately assumed that Catherine Zeta Jones‘ puss puss secretes tar, but I couldn’t quit make the science work. So my second thought was that Douglas simply wanted to boast about his sex skills.

Turns out, though, that there IS a link between eating pussy and throat cancer. it’s that damn HPV virus (does that mean that CZJ has HPV?). No kidding, a 2011 study published in the journal of Clinical Oncology shows that a cancer spike in men was cause by HPV transmitted during oral sex.

The ladies have known for a while to beware of HPV lest they get cervical cancer, but until recently it was presumed that men, although carriers and transmitters of the virus, were pretty much immune to developing symptoms.

This is bad news for all, if eating pussy can cause throat cancer… it’s only logical that sucking HPV infected dick has the same risk factors, so no not only do I have to worry about every sexually transmitted disease on the planet every time I want to deepthroat some peen, but I’ve also gotta worry about cancer. As if going crazy from syphilis wasn’t bad enough.

P.S. I don’t have syphilis.

Via today.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

  • Robonino123

    God damn science ruining everything and shit

  • BDY

    Thanks to the exceptionally pregnant wife and her clean VD screen all that pussy I ate before we met won’t give me cancer.

  • R.A.

    80-90% of women will get a form of HPV before their 50th birthday regardless of sex life. It’s a fact of life, not smoking and drinking less will help you out… and us! :) Of course less sexual partners lowers your chance too, but you’ll still probably get it.

    So BDY you’re not in the clear yet

  • GetAClue

    There is a vaccine easily available to women which prevents the strains of HPV that contribute to cancer. The 80 to 90% figure is very misleading, and probably not true RA. There are over 200 different strains of HPV, only a few of them contribute to cancer. While many women will end up with some form of HPV, there is NO REASON they need to get the strains that contribute to cancer. Lola you need to tell the whole story.

    The problem is you have to take the vaccine before ever being exposed to the HPV virus, or it doesn’t do a thing. Throat cancer from HPV is VERY rare – in men or women. You know what’s much more common from HPV? Pussy cancer, as in cervical, vaginal, and ovarian. And also genital warts and anal warts. Isn’t that great? All of these are easily prevented by getting the vaccine. So tell your daughters, tell you sisters, tell your college bound female friends. Get the fucking vaccine.

  • venomchris

    I wanna cry.

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