Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
In an age filled with hyped-up headlines and innuendo-laden soundbites, it’s not at all uncommon to come across news stories which promise something explosive, but then deliver a dud.
For example, how many times have you read a headline asserting some public figure has “blasted” another public figure, only to read the article and find out the blast in question was really a pretty mild critique being overhyped by some click-hunting editor?
Calling out someone who during the Republican primaries referred to Donald Trump as “dangerous” and “a con man” but who now endorses Trump is considered blasting that person now? Or is it the fact Obama said “C’mon man” in reference to Marco Rubio which is the ‘blast’ in question? If so, has anybody told the guys over at ESPN they’re ‘blasting’ several NFL players per week?
My headline-based disappointment for this week is about a different kind of blasting, though: Butt-blasting.
Should Local Anchors Even Count?
To be clear, what disappoints me isn’t the butt-blasting itself, but who’s doing it – or, perhaps more accurately, who isn’t doing it.
The headline from Pink News had such promise: “A former Fox news anchor is now a gay porn star.”
Holy shit, right?
Could it be G. Gordon Liddy? He certainly has the mustache! Maybe S.E. Cupp is doing lesbian porn in between long sessions of rolling her eyes at CNN panelists? No doubt that would be my husband’s preference.
Oh shit…. Please God, tell it’s NOT Dick Morris; I just can’t imagine any gay porn studio’s standards sinking so low.
Come to think if it, I guess Morris and Liddy were merely “contributors” to whom the word anchor does not apply, so we’re probably not about to be exposed to a title like What’s So Tricky About Dick? with Liddy and Morris serving as the erotically-entwined centerpiece.
The one I was really pulling for, of course, was Mike Huckabee – mostly because this would introduce the possibility, however remote, of the former Governor reuniting with Ted Nugent for a different kind of performance than we’re accustomed to seeing them team up to deliver.
Sadly, however, it turns out the anchor in question was a local (to Southwest Florida, specifically) Fox news anchor, not one of their nationally well-known talking heads.
Oh well. Maybe Huckabee’s holding back on making his gay porn debut until the 2020 election cycle, when presumably things will get even weirder than they are now.
Here’s The NOT Disappointing Part
After recovering from my initial dismay and actually reading the article, I’ve come away rather liking this Jim Walker fellow. I like that he’s not at all ashamed of being a gay porn performer, and I like even more that he seems happier in his new job than he ever was in his old one.
“I miss telling great stories, I miss the rush of sharing breaking news and I miss getting to know viewers,” Walker told Pink News. “What I don’t miss is the schizophrenic management at every station that can’t decide from day to day what they want, and as a result are constantly blaming the talent and trying to make the talent be something they aren’t. If they left the talent the fuck alone to be who we are, viewers would be a lot happier. Most anchors are so beat down, even they don’t have a clue anymore about who they really are.”
Best of all, when it comes to people who have criticized his new career choice, it’s quite clear Walker’s not about to let them kill his buzz, saying he “felt bad” for them.
“They’ve obviously decided at some point that there are limitations about who you can be and what you can do once you hit 40,” Walker said. “I’m sorry if the haters have decided that gays over forty are supposed to put on the board shorts, move to the suburbs and settle down to bridge parties once per week. I don’t plan to ever go quietly into the night.”
Fucking-A right, Jim.
Welcome to the porn industry, by the way; we’re more than happy to have you, just the way you are. Granted, I’m just hearing about you for the first time, but so far, I’d say Fox’s loss is our gain.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out: