If you want to make sure that you’re not a stress raddled, loner sociopath with a thyroid problem then you better be jerkin’ the gherkin and doing the two finger taco tango on a regular basis, or so found the McKinley Health Center at the University of Illinois. Actually they said something more along the lines of benefiting a person’s mental, social and physical health. But that sounds all clinical and stuff.
The McKinley health handout went on to explain all types of masturbation goodness:
- alleviates premenstrual tension for many women
- provides a healthy sexual outlet for people who choose to abstain from sex with partners or who do not currently have available sexual partners
- can be a route to safer sex, to help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV
- allows for sexual pleasuring for those who are not ready to engage in vaginal, anal, or oral sex
- increases blood flow to the genital region, which can help overall sexual functioning
- helps women learn how to achieve orgasm
- helps men to increase ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation.
Don’t worry if you’re going blind or insane or need to shave your palms on a regular basis– these are not symptoms of frequent masturbation. They just mean that something else is very, very wrong with you. Get that shit checked out. Somehow all this masturbation positive news out there takes some of the fun out of it. Sex is always more fun when there is an element of danger attached to it, even if it’s with yourself.