Obscure Sex Br(Act)et: Birmingham Booty Call vs. Abe Lincoln

by Dave Carter on November 15, 2010

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Over the last few months, Peeperz has brought you some of the filthiest, funniest, and downright disturbing-est Obscure Sex Acts in its weekly column. Now, we’re taking the power away from our resident “expert” Dave Carter, and putting into your hands, running a two-week reader-poll tournament to determine the most obscure act of them all. Warning: mistaking this for the Sex Position of the Week column may result in serious consequences for your relationship and/or legal freedom…

Tip-off: The 1st overall seed Birmingham Booty Call faces off against the 8th seed, the Abe Lincoln/Joaquim Chissano.

Meet the favorite: “Putting your woman’s cell phone on vibrate, sticking it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.” Keeping it simple and thinking two steps ahead are a big reason this powerhouse claimed the 1st overall seed. Also, the opportunity to shit all over the city of Birmingham, Alabama, which everyone enjoys.

Meet the underdog: “When an unconscious person gets jizzed on their face, gets their pubes cut and applied to their face to form a beard, then adorned with a top hat.” Originally designed for Abe Lincoln, the Joaquim Chissano was born after Dave’s laziness meant he wrote the article at a completely inappropriate time. Thanks to Wikipedia and the voters of Mozambique, he was able to create a slightly relevant OSA and retain his job.

Betting Line: Expect an offensive matchup. The plucky underdog actually grabs the edge in both creativity and sheer disgustingness, but suffers mightily in sexual appeal. However, both involve well-timed money shots, which, as well all know, are typical bracket-busters. The favorite should take it down, but expect a serious challenge from its top-hat-adorned challenger.

Dick Vitale Says: “Showtime!!! These two teams are ALL about the X’s and O’s, but in the end the underdogs will get their just desserts. Strawberry shortcake time, baby!!!!”

Birmingham Booty Call vs. Abe Lincoln!!!!

  • Birmingham Booty Call (70%, 303 Votes)
  • Abe Lincoln (30%, 131 Votes)

Total Voters: 434

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Who ya got? The poll is right above, and will remain open until Sunday.

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