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You might not be able to tell, but I am actually pretty religious. I occasionally go to church and when I do I am perfectly groomed and well behaved. The purpose of all this is to get laid.
You see, I am 28 years old, and 28 divided by 2 plus 7 is 21. I am at the optimal age for having sex with inexperienced drinkers. What you may call date rape, I call helping young women begin their coming of age stories. Every bullshit feminist blog/story/movie starts with that retarded guy they banged when they were 21. I’m that guy. I’m the first part of the trial and error process through which women figure out if they are gay or not.
Church is the optimal hunting ground because most of the girls who go there have no clue what sex is. They’ve spent their entire adolescence keeping their legs closed while occasionally grinding their crotches on the corner of the bathroom sink and then crying afterwards. All you have to do are plant a couple seeds of curiosity, spring for a couple fruit flavored cocktails, and wait for the night to play out. A couple of asshole Southern Baptists are trying to shit all over my parade though, because they’re encouraging their parishioners to talk about, and have more sex.
They are promoting their agenda by staging a “bed-in” on the roof of their Grapevine, Texas church. The pastor and his wife spent 24 hours in bed on the roof of their church while encouraging church goes to have more sex.
They hope that by making a statement, they will return sex to marriage and get Christians talking about sex. I wasn’t even aware sex left the Christian marriage. Some of those motherfuckers have like 12 kids.
Maybe these two need to start promoting condoms. I’d probably stop having sex with my wife if prayer part of pull-and-pray stopped working.
The couple aren’t actually having sex on the roof of their church.
That would be too awesome and is probably illegal in Texas. They are, however, calling the whole thing part of a “sexperiment” and hope to sell a book about their ideas. Personally, I feel that if you want to promote good Christian sex, you should make a quality Christian porn flick. I have a half chub after merely typing that sentence.
Via Dailymail.co.uk
