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Since the beginning of human history, men and women have tried to attract mates by using visual flair to distract from their questionable personality. If you can’t carry a conversation, hit the weights. If you’re as interesting as dry bread, get a crazy haircut, but what if you’re a lady with a rocking bod, but nobody can get over your depressingly bitchy attitude? Try hot gluing some feathers to your coochie.
A hair removal saloon called Completely Bare is offering ladies a couple options for attracting attention to their vags while distracting potential partners from everything else. Ladies can choose from neon colored fox fur or feathers which are fastened to their bikini line. The procedures cost in the range of $200 and include a wax job. They are said to last for a minimum of three days.
Now, let’s be honest here. I talk a lot of shit on this website, but I’m actually pretty ugly. While I do fight for sport, my pre and post training rituals include a lot of Taco Bell and getting the holes in my face stitched up. Really hot women aren’t into me no matter how charming and witty I am, so I usually ignore them completely. The women I’m attracted to coincide directly with the women I think are attracted to me. The tall, slender women with feathers emanating from their pussy? Total waste of time. The short, slightly chunky awkward women trying to pretend that they don’t care nobody is talking to them? Target acquired.
By the time my partner and I are approaching the thralls of passion neither of us give a fuck. It’s dark and we’re grabbing things like fireman trying to save a puppies from a burning pet store. We don’t care what each other’s genitals look like, we just care that they will soon be a single, sweaty entity.
For those of you blessed to be among the beautiful people, have fun with your pussy pom-poms. For the rest of you, quit worrying about what your junk looks like and just find somebody else equally horny.
Everybody needs a little love sometimes.
Via Glamour.com
