What I’m about to tell you is classified information, if it were to get out I’d have a target on my back. There’s a lot of money in big pharma, as well as the “health” industry what with all the supplements and herbal cures all the charlatans (I mean doctor Oz and the like) are constantly shoving in our faces and if it were ever publicly known that the cure to cancer is looking at Sara Malakul Lane’s boobs and freckles the shit would hit the fan.
I’m no doctor, I’m not even a fake doctor, so I’m not sure what the science is, but there’s something about looking at Sara’s boobs that releases an antioxidant in our brains (or is that blood, yeah, I’m pretty sure antioxidants are all about the blood), which in turns just scrubs us clean of all the toxins we ingest all day.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the Internet, besides how to pick a lock and give a decent blowjob, it’s that toxins (e.g. chemicals) cause cancer. I don’t totally understand how chemicals cause cancer yet, since the last time I checked water is a chemical. And I’m talking sparkling clear spring water here not sludge factory water, but the Internet says, so it must be true.
Either way, though, it doesn’t matter because Sara Malakul Lane and her boobs cures it all. Sara’s boobs even cure Skarktopus… Sharktopi… Sharktopusses?!. Having issues with mutant skarks that have been bred with octopi? No problem, just take a nice long look at Sara’s boobs and problem be gone. It’s like magic, only with more science.
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Image: Sara Malakul Lane by Michael Benetar