Zooey Deschanel is the one actress I always seem to recognize, but never can place. I feel like I’ve watched a hundred of her movies, but browsing through IMDB, I think I’ve seen two, max. Well, now I know what she’s not in: her own solo sex tape.
It took about three hours from the word to drop that Zooey had a webcam tape of herself diddling for a long-distance boyfriend for it all to come out as fake. Turns out, its just a random naked girl on a cam, who’s kind of cute in a quirky way, and some jerkoffs thought they’d rip it straight off the internet and try and sell it. Don’t believe what you hear as this story makes the rounds today.
We at Peeperz are advocating life in prison for these chumps, no trial, no parole. Not that we really give two shits about Zooey’s feelings or dignity. We’re goddamn sick of being cock-teased by fake sex tape after fake sex tape. Tiger Woods, Speidi, RonRon-Sammie, and now this? Back in the days when I grew up beating off, we had real celebrities like Tanya Harding and Pam Anderson. When they dropped sex tapes, they meant it. This Megan Fox-Jessica Alba-Ariel Rebel sex tape better be getting released soon, or Dave just might lose his freaking mind.