I haven’t watched one nano-second of the Olympics. Gawd, I can’t think of anything worse than watching televised sports. Sure, those swimmers are pretty hot, but I don’t need the excuse of the Olympics to drool over cute guys. I’ve got porn for that.
Televised sports bad; televised sex good. A bunch of horny athletes releasing a bit of tension by rubbing their body parts together also good.
You know that old wives tale coaches used to tell their team: “Don’t have sex before a big game or you’ll lose your edge.” It’s all bullcrap. I might know jack about sports, but I do know that the peepz who make it to the Olympics are the best athletes in the world; at the top of their form and all that jazz, and if this select group of boys and girls can have sex all night long in the Olympic village without loosing their momentum, I’m pretty sure high school/college jocks can handle it too. They just don’t have the same accommodations:
Home to more than 10,000 athletes at the Summer Games and 2,700 at the Winter, the Olympic Village is one of the world’s most exclusive clubs. To join, prospective members need only have spectacular talent and — we long assumed — a chaste devotion to the most intense competition of their lives. But the image of a celibate Games began to flicker in ’92 when it was reported that the Games’ organizers had ordered in prophylactics like pizza. Then, at the 2000 Sydney Games, 70,000 condoms wasn’t enough, prompting a second order of 20,000 and a new standing order of 100,000 condoms per Olympics.
I might hate sports, but I’m not bad at math. According to my calculations, that many condoms equals a whole lot of fucking. It’s no wonder athletes say that what happens in the Olympic Village stays in the Olympic Village, but some secrets are just too good to keep to yourself:
American shot-putter and silver and bronze medalist John Godina thought he’d seen it all in Atlanta: late-night hookups, friends disappearing for days at a time. But he hadn’t seen anything like the dorm room in Sydney he shared with a javelin thrower, which had instantly become a revolving door of women without backstories. “It’s like Vegas,” Godina explains. “You learn not to ask a lot of questions.”
How can you not ask questions when the answers are so sweet?! I’m starting to wish I hadn’t quit gymnastics class when I was a kid. Sigh. I might not be invited to take part in the debauchery going down at the Olympics, but at least I can still do the split.
This Peeperz Olympic coverage seems like a good time to remind you all of a much superior international competition, ending in less than two days as well, THE OLYMDICKS.
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Olymdicks Entry Is Easy
1. Take a photo of it
Write “PH” or “Pornhub” on your penis and take a picture of it.
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Log in or create a Pornhub account to upload your photo.
3. Win it!
After following the progress and showing the daily standings of each country, a winner will be announced when the London Olympics end on August 12th. The winning country will be the country with the highest number of unique entrants. We’ve got a bunch of Pornhub t-shirts and memberships to Pornhub Premium to be randomly awarded to entrants of the winning and runner-up countries.
The contest ends soon on August 12th, 2012! So visit the Olymdicks Page now.