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We want to encourage fun sex, fun masturbation, kinky sex, kinky jacking off! And the best way to kickup the sexy fun times (the sexy fun times with another or by yourself) up a notch is mix in a sex toy or seven!! But there’s the dark side to this awesome, and it’s those sex toys which haunt our dreams and make Bucky’s dick retract into into his body in fear. Periodically we comb the nightmare portions of the web, and of Pornhub Katie’s toy chest at the foot of her bed, to make our top 5 lists of feverish fuck devices, so prepare yourself for this attack of the bizarre sex toys:
5. Whiskey Flavored Lubricant
This is whiskey flavored lube, mankind’s greatest invention since bacon flavored lube. Mind you this product isn’t anything I need since my dick always smells like whiskey.
4. Mike’s Spikes
We already put a similar bondage device to this one, Kali’s Teeth, up on another list but I had to include this one, partly because the write up exclaims “As seen on American Horror Story!” Yes, you know it’s a must buy when it appears as a torture prop in a horror movie. Also you can swap in sharper spikes, whooot!
3. Portable Glory Holes
Look carefully, those are hangable, portable, fantasy glory holes. Have the thrill of having your dick sucked in jail or a public bathroom without the risks. Personally I prefer putting my dick in the real thing though I can’t understand why there’s women hanging out in a men’s public bathroom willing to choke down my cock.
2. $500 Pearl Anal Beads
Fuck who am I kidding, if I was rolling in the dough I’d be shoving pearl anal beads up my ass all day, hell I wouldn’t even bother fishing them out – leave ‘em up there, buy a new set every time.
1. Titty Fuck-Her
The first sex toy designed by prepubescence boys who haven’t quite figured out the whole “vagina and where it is” thing yet and what their older brothers meant by “titty fuck”.
