I’ve been reading the Big Book of Sex Toys, which has got me totally horny for an insanely long list of luxury and quality sex toys.
For starters, I think I’m going to shell out some of my own money and buy the famous Hitachi Magic Wand that everyone and their mother won’t shut up about. It’s not even that expensive. Nothing compared to other item on my wish list.
When it comes to novelty or “strange” sex toys, though, you really don’t have to spend that much money. The downside is that they’re not build to last and probably can’t withstand as much abuse, but then again, it’s not every night that you’re in the mood for dildos that attach to your heel.
You may be put off at first, but when it comes down to it and you put your prejudices away, you’d be surprised how much fun you can have with weird sex toys. This list isn’t even that bad – look at some of Bucky’s Bizarre Sex Toy posts for comparison – but each item was found with the google search “strange sex toys,” so someone out there thinks these are super weird, but I’m here to say, I’d totally give them a go.
The Heeldo, it’s a dildo harness that fits on the heel of your foot. The idea being that you kneel on a your bed and lower your ass onto the dildo in order to fuck yourself. Yup, totally fucking weird. But, but, but, wait a second, I’m thinking I could actually have some fun with this.
Sure there are other products out there that will deliver the same thing in a more “normal” package, but could you have a threesome that consists of two people and a foot with anything else? Picture this, your kneeling on all fours, a guy or a chick with a harness is about to enter your a-hole, your heel which is position behind and between then is outfitted with the Heeldo. Bam, you’ve got a butt fucking train.
>4. Fantasy Web
It’s a bondage web, a freakin’ bondage web. Throw in a Spider-man costume and I’m ready to go. “Oh Spider-man, please save me from the villain with silver electric hands. It’s hurts so good.” And it ties to your bed, which means you don’t need a four poster bed frame, a headboard, or a fancy well set-up. Go Spidey. Twip.
3. Electro Gloves
Yes, these are in fact silver gloves that conduct electricity. They better, otherwise the fact that they’re hooked-up to a battery with wired and electrodes would be totally pointless. I just want to squeeze those boobs and ZAP! Also, I wonder what a spanking + electricity feels like?
2. Pleasure Periscope
It’s a periscope. It’s a vibrator. It’s a vibrating periscope. It’s a shame that we can’t see into our various holes, but with this little baby, you can insert the phallic shaped vibrator end into a-holes, v-holes, m-holes, whatever, switch on the light and look through the view finder. It’s like deep sea exploration, but inside a vagina.
AND THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT, you get to see all the changes the inside of a vagina goes through when it’s aroused. The bummer though, is that I would really like to try it out on myself. Hook this thing up to a camera, I say!
1. Auto Suck
Auto Suck, get it? You can auto your own blowjob and it plugs into your auto. GENIUS. Yes, yes, I’m a girl and I don’t have a penis, but I do have a clit and my vulva knows no fear, so I’d totally be down with seeing what kind of suction I could get going around my clit with this vacuum-like contraption.
The only flaw is that this product should not be used WHILE driving, but those warnings are more like guidelines than anything else. It’s not like there’s a law against auto-ing your auto-thing in your own auto-car.