We’re taking a break from turning you on to fuck you up a little with a new list of the most terrifying, confusing, and bizarre sex toys we can find. Some of these we found through Google, some were suggestions from readers and co-workers, and some came from our closet. Zap them into your brains via this list and when it’s all said and done meet us in the comments to tell us which ones you found to be most fucked up and which toy you’d actually like to own.
5. Cosmic Bear Glow-in-the-Dark Lube
4. Lotus Pussy
This is four vaginas and breasts made out of latex. Every time you fuck one and cum inside of it it steals a tiny bit of your soul and sends it to it’s dark master, Satan.
3. Peter Piper
This is a multipurpose dildo AND a pot pipe…..llright this one’s actually pretty tubular, I kinda want to light her puss up with this.
2. Fuck my Face
Want to fuck a disembodied head in the shower but you don’t want the prison sentance and/or death penality that comes with the act. Buy this fuckable head, better than the real thing in all ways – it even has a suction cup.
1. Vibrating Fuckable Dick Going Into A Gnomes Ass
This sex toy has a proper name but I prefer “Vibrating Fuckable Dick Going into a Gnomes Ass”.