I wouldn’t want to live in a world without sex toys (or good water pressure), otherwise I’d probably still be trying to figure out how to have an orgasm instead of cumming multiples times within each masturbation session. I can’t even think of it; a world without vibrators would just be too sad!
Thankfully, I don’t live in a world where I have to rely solely on my hands or the ability of others to give me orgasms. If I wanted to, I could take a little trip to the Peeperz office bathroom right now, take out my little vibrating bullet and make myself cum three times in the time it takes Bucky to take his morning constitutional.
Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but while I’m at it I might as well finish this post.
These sex toys all look super-duper fun… meaning I haven’t actually tried any of them. I could have easily called this post “Top 5: Sex Toys On Lola’s Wishlist,” and in a minute you’ll see why. These are some of the best of the best sex toys that are out there at the moment, or at least the ones I think would give me mind blowing orgasms. Either way, fun!
5. Glass Dildo
I usually go for sex toys that vibrate, but glass dildos are just so damn pretty. If I had one of these baby’s, I would display it in my living room as a piece of art, you know, when I wasn’t busy using it. The thing about glass dildos is that they are hard as, well, glass, which is a key factor in hitting that g-spot just right. I’ll pass on those realistic flesh dildos any day; they are way too floppy and soft.
4. The Sqweel
The Sqweel, get it? It’s a wheel of tongues that makes you squeal with delight. Before I ever ventured out into the world of real sex and I got my kicks from Penthouse forum letters, I was obsessed with oral sex; a nice wet tongue licking my pussy sounded like the best think imaginable. I imagine the Sqweel works wonders with lots of lube.
3. The Pure Wand
From what I hear, the Njoy Pure Wand is the best g-spot sex toy there is. In my opinion most g-spot vibe are too soft; you can’t get the right amount of pressure going, but the pure wand is made out of steel so there’s no problem there and it’s long curvature makes for the perfect angle.
2. The Cone
Oh baby, the Cone. This little vibrating cone of pink goodness sounds soooo good. You can sit on it, put it up against a wall and lean back into it, you can put it under your body against your clit while someone fuck you from behind (look mom, no hands!), you can even kneel over it while giving someone a blow-job. I’d love to grind against this heavenly machine.
1. The Eroscillator
The Eroscillator; I know, it looks more like something a dentist would use to exact his vengeance on you, but the word on the street is that this little baby packs one hell of a punch. The thing about the Eroscillator is that it doesn’t vibrate, it oscillates, which for some bizarre scientific reason I don’t understand is magic when it comes to clits and orgasms. Plus look at all those attachments; something for every mood.
Bonus: Vibrating Mini Sex Ball
Sex furniture is kinda funny sometimes; it just doesn’t scream: classy, but who wouldn’t want to bounce around on a vibrating black cock. Besides, handles?! Come on, tell me this doesn’t look fun. Lying on your back and making yourself come is all good and fun, but don’t you just want to really go at it sometimes? I know I do. And did I mention the handles? Bounce, bounce, bounce, oh yeaaaah. I bet it’s good exercise too.
Lola Byrd can’t get enough sex toys on Twitter @misslolabyrd.