Using Submission Grappling In Group Sex Situations

My best friend is an obnoxious, overly pale, skinny fat, bastard with the stamina, agility, grace and physical strength of a deceased baby giraffe. He’s also rich and therefore has a disproportionately attractive girlfriend. I pretend to be joking when I tell them how aggressively I would crush her shit and often suggest we participate in a three way. Though we all share a laugh, I can’t help but think the seeds have been planted and are beginning to grow. After I got to thinking (and pounding off) I realized something. Should this come to fruition, I would have to maintain an erection while my shithead best friend grabs, gropes, and thrusts in my general direction. Fuck that shit.

But there is a way to make the whole thing bearable.

Now, while I am admittedly ugly as shit, I also spend a great deal of my free time training at a mixed martial arts gym. Beneath this doughy, fuzzy, unevenly tanned shed are the ruthless battle hardened tools of a man who devoted the majority of his 20s to the art of moving people around. These skills combined with my total destination to sexual activities lead me to one ultimate conclusion: arm triangle choke my best friend while I relentlessly fuck his girlfriend.

For those of you who don’t know, an arm triangle choke is a submission grappling technique wherein the attacker uses favorable position and leverage to trap their opponent’s neck and arm within a triangle made by clasping their hands together. This maneuver allows the attacker to completely subdue their opponent with just their upper body strength and weight, leaving their lower body free to penetrate a third, preferably female participant.

Considering this mother fucker would die of thirst if I weren’t around to open his beers for him, I think it’s entirely possible for me to impose my will on him in this manner.

Tagged as: funny, MMA, threesome