I hate the Dodgers so much that I usually cheer against any team from Los Angeles out of sheer spite. However, female hockey fans are some of the most fierce and sexy sports fans in the world so in the last few years I’ve made an exception for the Kings.
Since making a couple of clutch acquisitions the Kings have been on a pretty solid tear, making the playoffs the last few years but failing to make it out of the first round. When they came into this year’s as the 8th seed, more of the same was expected. However, much to everyone’s surprise, the surging Kings walked straight through the 1st, 2nd and 3rd seeded teams.
The Los Angeles Kings will now be playing for the Stanley Cup for the first time since 1993. This was the general timeframe in which I became a hockey fan thanks in part to NHL 93 for the Sega Genesis, and a man by the name of Wayne Gretzky. While I was a Penguins fan at this time, I was aware of and respected the great one.
He’s a living legend, the best there ever was, but for a lot of non-hockey fans he is most famous for being Paulina Gretzky’s father. While attractive blonde women all over the world can tweet sexy pictures with little to no fanfare, if you’re the daughter of the greatest hockey player of all time, some sports writer is going to meet his daily quota at your expense.
While he may have played for other teams, to me Gretzky will always be a King. In light of this and to show my support for them during the finals, I will vigorously masturbate to some pictures his daughter posted on the internet.