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Talking dirty is a skill just like any other. Some people get the hang of it quicker than others, but with a little practice anyone can be a champion. You just have to get over your inhibitions first, easy as eating pie.
I wasn’t always the sex champ I am today, there was a time when I was filled to the brim with anxieties and doubts… about my performance, about my skills, about everything under the goddamn sun.
I’d hung around too many guys to feel secure. I knew how they liked to get together and make fun of so-and-so, because she moaned too loud, was a dead fuck, didn’t swallow, had a funny looking ass, or one of her tits was bigger than the other. It’s a fucking miracle all the dude conversations I’ve overhear did scar me for life.
I was visiting my older cousin once, back when I was an impressionable young lady, and I went out to diner with him and a bunch of his guy friends. This lot were from Ontario (Canada). That probably means nothing to you; just imagine that Conservatives and Republicans got together and had a baby that grew up into a nation of men that didn’t carry guns and fancied the Queen of England.
Any-fucking-how, at this diner (where I wasn’t wearing a bra and was showing lots of cleavage) the conversation slowly, but surely turned to sex. I remember this one guy complaining about how the girl he was fucking on the regular (I guess that would make her his girlfriend) talked too much during sex. It bothered him that she was always rattling off “Oh God, yes. Fuck me. Fuck me.”
I took me a while, but I eventually got over all my insecurities. I realized that not all men are douches that sit around and make fun of the chicks they’re fucking. Not all guys are douches, I was simply hanging around douches that wouldn’t recognize a good thing if it slapped them upside the head.
Real guys, good guys, the guys who really love women and sex will love all those weird things about you. They would never use you as a punch line to a joke. Hell, they’d rather remember the way you moan”too” loudly with their dicks in their hands than make fun of you for it. Even if you are the most brutally honest dirty talker in the world, if he digs you, he will find a way to get into it:
Via funnyordie.com
