Last week we wrote up the case of Fred Willard, the 78 year old comedian and actor was busted by police for jacking off in a porno theater. I’m not sure what else the cops were expecting to find there when they raided the place but we can all agree the age of grimey porn cinemas is over. Now you can rock your cock to high quality pornography in the comfort, privacy, and safety of your own home, for FREE, thanks to fine sites like YouPorn.com.
In fact our very own YouPorn is reaching out to Mr. Willard with an offer to make sure this never happens again! YouPorn will actually buy Fred a computer and come over and set it up for him, and if he’s looking for work after this scandal we got a gig as a spokesman waiting for him, here’s the full offer my boss, Corey Price, sent over to Fred Willard:
Dear Mr. Willard,
We are so very sorry to hear about your recent run in with the law at the Tiki Theatre, and getting caught with “your pants down”. We can imagine that all of this press has probably been quite embarrassing for you.
We are very impressed that at your age you still have such a strong, and healthy libido Fred! That’s why we wanted to educate you a little more on some of society’s newest advances to help you achieve orgasm from the privacy of your own home!
First there is our website, YouPorn.com which is found on a place called the “internet”. Some people say that former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore invented it, (but that’s a whole different discussion). The website can be accessed through a machine called a “computer” and it’s connected these days via a cable modem that’s provided by your local cable company.
The computer has a television monitor attached to it so you may view any adult related material in the privacy of your own home! Also, a side beneﬁt of owning a computer is that you can actually communicate with other people, but many of our members don’t choose to do that.
Our website is 100% free and features thousands of video clips of people having sex. Every niche you can imagine is featured,on YouPorn.com. We’d like to buy you a home computer and have one of our YouPorn.com representatives come to your home to install it for you now that you may have some downtime.
We’d also love for you to join the millions of fans who ” come” on our site daily, and possibly become our new spokesperson.