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Don’t believe the Scooter Store hype: being elderly can really suck. You lose your hair, your friends move away or die, the music those damn kids won’t turn down just keeps getting worse and worse, and chances are you’re not pulling in the 19-year old honeys unless your Playboy mansion has a grotto. However, many seniors have found a new way to ease the painful transition into old age: more pain.
Apparently, BDSM is on the rise with the 55+ crowd in a big way. Not content with their generous discount at the carwash, seniors are now responsible for over half the clientele at a BDSM club called the Sins Center in Chicago, and this isn’t just a local phenomenon. Owned by a delightfully unsleazy chap named Master Z, places like the Sins Center are quickly replacing the country club when it comes to seniors watching the Masters. One patron interviewed, Master R, is in his 80′s and got into it after his wife died (by non-bondage related causes). After following some curiosity on the internet, Master R is now notorious around the club, dabbling in “the violent wand, knives, canes..and staples.”
‘Peaches,’ a sub, says BDSM opened up her eyes to what she was always missing. “I was born submissive,” quips Peaches, presumably muffled by a large gag. “I mean, my grandchildren tell me what to do!” Note to Peaches: requesting Happy Meals and being whipped by a studded paddle are very, very different.
However, these clubs can pose health risks, and not just for those of us grossed out at the thought of Master R working his knives. With old age comes joint problems, heart problems, and a host of other ailments that increase the risk of a very awkward obituary. Get used to it though: this trend is likely here to stay, thanks to longer lifespans and the miracles over at the Pfizer labs. Old people like to bang too, and us young people can either suffer through it or jump on the GILF bandwagon.
