Banging in Amber – Science!

If it were the end of the world, like for real for real…what would you do? My half joking answer has always been that I’d just masturbate until I was warmed over by death so that it would be pleasurable. I honestly think that I would just stand still and remember to breath. Breathing is more important that orgasming, no matter what I’ve said in the past.

The animals have these primal instincts to hunt, gather and fuck. It’s all fairly basic. When animals are going to die, what do they usually do? They either try to run away or they fight till the death. Predator or prey, the fight or flight response is completely ingrained into their psyche.

So do animals and insects ever have the notion to fuck when they are about to give up the ghost? Perhaps…A paper written by some Australian scientists titled, “Amber from the Triassic to Paleogene of Australia and New Zealand as exceptional preservation of poorly known terrestrial ecosystems,” may prove just that.

Invigorating title, no?

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What Does Sex Feel Like?

My twitter feed is filled with tons of sex positive people who have a lot of amazing ideas about feeling good. I was scrolling the other day and came across the post linked below by Girl on the Net as she answers the question, “What does sex feel like?”

I went through a creative exercise with a handful of my friends, but IRL and online while I was trying to come up with the words to define my own answer.

My best friend is a guy who goes by SinIsSir on Fetlife. He said:

Sex for me is all a mental game. How do I tap into this person’s energy and find the triggers and pull the triggers at the right time. If the person is open and willing then the ride is like waves in the ocean. It’s a wave of sexual energy and intimacy. the more the mind opens the bigger the release.

That’s totally on brand for him. It’s the mind game of control and energy flow that gets him off.

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Fap Along with Harlot: Jules Jordan

Happy Sunday, my Peepz! It’s my favorite time of the week again, where you and I get to sit back, relax and enjoy each other’s company. For this week’s adventure, I’ve decided to pull five Jules Jordan clips so that we can get off together.

There is so much buildup in Jules Jordan videos. They are the master of the tease, with extended beauty shots and amazingly intense hardcore scenes. I know you are going to love these, so I’m going to stop talking. Pants down everyone…it’s time. Let’s fap!

In this first clip, Natalia Queen gets dicked down like there is no tomorrow. This threesome has an amazing transition from two beauties showing off their lingerie to deepthroat gagging. If you’re not paying attention, you may get a bit startled by the change in sound.

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Fantasy Friday: Can I Leave My House, Please?

Stir crazy isn’t even the word for what most of the world is experiencing right now. The idea of staying home all the time seemed awesome to me a few months ago. Now all I want to do is go to a park and roll in the grass while I’m surrounded by hundreds of people doing the same thing.

I was talking to one of my friends about wanting to have sex in public, just because I can’t right now. It’s the rebellious side of me that always wants to do what I shouldn’t but usually can’t bring myself to break the rules that badly.

Yeah, I’m turning into a scardy cat in my old age…don’t judge.

We were trying to figure out a way that I could masturbate in public, but not get arrested for leaving my house…and that’s when I realized that I am the owner of a (not at all) semi-private deck. Under normal circumstances, my backyard faces a busy street…but now? There is literally no one driving or walking past for minutes at a time and that’s all that I need to get my rocks off. It was the perfect scenario.

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Are We Running Out of Condoms?

My best friend called me up today to let me know that he had somehow scored 500 boxes of neoprene gloves for the technicians at his job. He was excited because he realized that as soon as this whole pandemic thing is over, he’s going to be able to fist as many ladies as he wants to.

Priorities…It’s all about flipping a terrible situation into something you can work with.

Because so many people are buying up all the gloves and manufacturers are working day and night to keep up with that demand, the condom industry is suffering. Don’t let your dicks go unsheathed, Peepz!

On top of the supply and demand issue, Karex Bhd, the Malaysian company that makes one out of every five condoms, is suffering. Their factories were shut down for quite awhile and only half of its workers are back on their assembly lines.

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Boober Eats Rules

Are you addicted to food delivery? I definitely am. Now that the world is under quarantine, I’m really trying hard to be good and cook for myself, but every now and then (like today…and yesterday…) I feel the need to pick up my phone and easily plug in exactly what I’m in the mood for.

Sushi for brunch? Yes! Count me in…Pancakes at 9PM on a Tuesday? For sure, you know I’m down.

All of these food delivery services are making it that much easier to say in our homes and enjoy the food we love. What’s missing from that equation? Boob oogling. You know that some really smart business person out there had a plan for that though.

Boober Eats is fucking genius.

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Fap Along with Harlot: Gabbie Carter

I’m 100% enamored with Gabbie Carter. Her body is killer, her porno is amazing and she has all the right moves to make anyone’s day brighter. Wait until you see the magic that she makes.

For our masturbation session today, I’ve pulled five of her clips from Pornhub and I dare you to last to the very end. There is literally zero chance of you being able to hold your load all the way through the clips, I don’t give a fuck how much you enjoy edging.

Are you ready? Break out your favorite jizz sock and let’s get down to business.

This first clip was way too hot for social media. Gabbie takes care of business on and off the golf course. The stunt cock definitely gets a hole in one…or two.

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MMA and Gay Porn, So Hot!

Over the last seven or eight years, one of my truly guilty pleasures has become watching Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) competitions. The unique combination of highly precise physical movements with nearly unrestrained violence is one source of its appeal, tapping into some animalistic, primal part of me that simply enjoys watching two tattoo-slathered, douchebag jocks beat, twist and grind each other into submission.

Of course, there’s another reason why MMA has found a home on my TV set: the sport’s occasionally striking similarity (heheh; see what I did there?) to gay porn.

For example, when two male competitors are entwined in what is euphemistically called the “north-south position,” what you really have is two scantily clad men 69-ing in a cage. Now that’s hot! Sure, the real goal is to literally crush the other guy, not make him cum in your mouth, but still, all that Brazilian jiu-jitsu and other grappling routinely results in porn-friendly positions that invoke the time-honored pairing of pleasure and pain.

Watching some fights the other night, it occurred to me that these guys aren’t doing nearly enough to take advantage of their opponents’ possible homophobia. To wit, I’ve never seen a fighter attempt an escape from a choke hold by subtly pressing his finger into his opponent’s butt crack while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.


Orgasmic Pregnancy

Pain is all relative, right? My wife can get pummeled by whips and floggers for hours, but I take two good wacks and I’m down for the count. I love the stinging cut that electric play provides my sensory organs with, but she isn’t cool with the shock of touching a door frame when you’ve been rubbing your feet on the carpet.

Birth seems to be one of those life experiences where the pain levels can fluctuate. Some people with vaginas think that birth is the most outrageous pain they have ever experienced, but there is another school of thought out there that giving birth doesn’t have to be so painful. What if it was OK to have an orgasm during birth?

Enter: Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Debra is a Duala, which is basically like a cheerleader for the person giving birth. They provide comfort and good energy. While I’ve never given birth, a few of my friends who have have sworn up and down that their Dualas were essential to their birthing teams. Who is going to hold you up mentally and emotionally when everyone is totally focused on the fact that there is a person sliding out of your birth canal?

The Duala, that’s who.

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Masturbation Will Flatten the Curve

Listen, any excuse to masturbate is good enough for me. I have no issues with a little bit of self love, especially in times of crisis. New York City’s recently released memo regarding sex and the Corona virus seems to agree.

In a city filled with strangers who are ready to hook up, best practice is to stick to your own guns and do the do solo style for awhile.

In the article linked below, they quote officials as saying:

“The next safest partner is someone you live with,” officials offered.  “Having close contact– including sex — with a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19. Anyone outside your household? Avoid.

And no “group sex” either, the agency said.

I mean, yes orgies with strangers are off the table…and yes, if you live alone

Here’s the full document in a tweet:

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