Mystery Vibrator Arrival

by Alpha Harlot on December 7, 2019

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I got home from work last Wednesday night and there were a bunch of packages sitting on my doorstep. It’s December, so that’s not at all surprising. I’m on Amazon and Etsy more than I’m texting with my friends these days. It’s the season of giving and everyone is getting in on the action.

One box wasn’t from a company I ordered from though. I was familiar with it…I’ve been buying sex toys from SheVibe for years, but I definitely haven’t purchased anything for my own orgasmic pleasure since the summer. Sex toys randomly landing on my front porch during a particularly stressful week? Sometimes I have the best luck.

I opened up the box and the mystery became curiouser. A vibrator was inside, but not just any vibrator…it was a sex toy that I have been pining over for months but was never ready to pull the trigger on.

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Butthole Sunning

by Alpha Harlot on December 5, 2019

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I love crazy trends. Back in the 60’s, people stuffed themselves into telephone booths and Volkswagen Beetles. In the 80s people teased out their hair while wearing shoulder pads and playing with micro machines and saying, “Where’s the Beef?” The 90s had people doing that Arsenio Hall punch-the-air, bark-like-a dog thing in Co-Ed Naked, Big Johnson shirts.

The awesome/not so awesome thing about now is that the Internet exists, so now we have visual evidence of all the fads that catch on for blips of time.

Sunning your butthole has become one of those trends, Peepz. And I’m here for it, but probably not for the right reasons. I just think that showing off your naughty bits outdoors is sexy.

Instagram influencers/hippy hipsters are letting the sun touch their bums because they believe that the practice is filled with healing energy.

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My Tits in Your Mailbox

by Alpha Harlot on December 4, 2019

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I fucking love the holidays, Peepz. The whole world seems a bit happier and I’m always so grateful to celebrate another year coming to an end while another one is starting up fresh. This year has been a roller coaster of happiness, sadness and all around change…and I’m so excited to begin 2020 anew.

Every year for the past 14 I’ve spread the word about my very special holiday cards. I put stamps on them and mail them out to anyone who requests them…it’s my way of saying thanks for reading/watching and perving out along with me for all this time. The special part is what’s inside though.

Spoiler alert: It’s a print of my boob. I slather myself up with paint, smoosh my boobs onto the card…let that fucker dry and put it in the mail to you.

Here’s an Xtube clip from 2011 where you can watch my “special” printing process.

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Peepz! It’s Sunday! My weekend was filled with visiting relatives and entirely too many animals running around my home. Last night, my wife and I kicked everyone out and told them to get a hotel because it was way too much for our childless lives to handle. I don’t know that I appreciated how quiet things usually are in my home until we closed the door on our last guest.

Anyway…it’s fucking masturbation time because my pussy is needy and I haven’t been able to orgasm in 4 days. Today, I pulled five clips from Vixen for us to enjoy with each other. These videos are shot beautifully. The scenery is sexy and the ladies are even hotter. Are you ready to get off with me? I’m thinking we leave our undies on and manhandle ourselves accordingly….Let’s Fap!

First up is sex in paradise. You’re going to see this as a recurring theme this week, I hope you don’t mind. We start out with a blowjob on the beach and then move back up to the hotel room for some spread eagle banging.

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You Can Only Date…Him

by Alpha Harlot on November 29, 2019

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Dating is rough, there’s no doubt about it. After a few rough dates in a row, you can feel like you’re completely wasting your time with strangers who aren’t in tune with what you’re looking for. A narcissistic man from Greenboro, North Carolina has fixed that problem, but only for himself.

Aaron Smith created an app called Singularity. It’s basically like the rest of the swipe and select dating apps of current day society, except that he is the only man on it. No matter what women who sign up do, he will be their only option for a man to date.

This seems like an excellent app that’s due for a lesbian takeover, if I’m being honest.

Here’s a video where Aaron explains his ambitious new tech.

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Getting Stuffed on Thanksgiving

November 28, 2019
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Thanksgiving in the United States is a day that involves a fuck ton of cooking and a whole lot of gluttony. My wife and I have tricked our families into believing that we are celebrating with other people and all we’re doing is staying home. The glorious pseudo-celebration involves watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, […]

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Struggling to Finish

November 25, 2019
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Back in the day, I invited one of my Xtube friends from Georgia up to Jersey to spend the weekend fucking me. He was younger than I was by about 5 years and online, he was rip roaring and ready to go. When he ended up in my house though, he was having issues performing. […]

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Fap Along with Harlot: Michele James

November 24, 2019
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It’s my favorite time of the week, my Peepz. It’s time to kick back at the end of the weekend and enjoy each other’s company a little more intimately. This week, I poked around on Pornhub and uncovered a few clips starring brunette sex pot Michele James. Michele has everything that I’m looking for in […]

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Canadian Couple Caught Having Sex On Plane!

November 24, 2019
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There are two ways to handle getting caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. You can cop up to it and admit you broke the rules and apologize to anyone who was hurt- or you can deny everything and lawyer up. This is what Jason George Chase and Alicia Elizabeth Lander did when they […]

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Study: Female Night-Owls Have More Sex

November 23, 2019
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In an effort to improve both my physical and mental health, I started going to bed earlier. For the most part it’s been a successful experiment and while some would argue I did it simply to eat breakfast at McDonalds more often, I do feel more energetic. However, I do have substantially less sex. Throwing […]

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