11:00 AM Drunk Driving With Sex Toys Up The Ass & Pee Pants

by Bucky Beall on March 1, 2012

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The best entries in our crime files all come seem to come from Florida and I feel like today’s criminal report really sums up what that state is all about. A few days back Kevin Brann, 41, crashed into the back of another car at around 11 o’clock in the morning, don’t worry, no one was hurt but when the cops got to the scene they noticed Mr. Brann smelled strongly of alcohol, and he was trouble speaking, and his eyes were blood shot, and his pants were covered in his own piss. He was arrested for DUI and it was in the back of the cop car that things got interesting.

In the cop car Brann somehow managed to remove the sex toy he had up his ass, a “sexual anus plug” as the police report stated. Why go get fall down drunk first thing in the morning, stick a dildo in your anus, and drive around town? Why not? Oh and Kevin Brann also shit himself in the back of the police car too. Jesusfuck huh? It sounds like I’m telling some joke and I keep building up till I reach the punch line which is “Florida Everyone!” It’s like the Florida police report version of The Aristocrats:

Okay sorry for that diversion, please feel free to defend Florida or driving under the influence with dongs up your ass in our comments section.

Via Fark.com

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