Apple Picking Pussy

by Alpha Harlot on October 16, 2018

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Autumn activities are my favorite type. I make plans in July to go pumpkin picking and apple picking before my calendar fills up. Last year, a family trip to the pumpkin patch resulted in me getting fingered in a corn field. This year? We waited until we were indoors to participate in our annual tradition.

Every year, we get together with some of our girlfriends to pick apples and bake. It’s a super fun afternoon, except that by the time that the 6th or 7th pie is in the oven, everyone else is drunk off their faces and I’m knee deep in apple slices. I prefer to focus on all the baking that has to be done, rather than get twisted. After the work is done? Let’s talk. This year my final tally was 10 pies, 48 muffins, 2 trays of caramel apple bars (homemade caramel sauce too, Peepz. Harlot doesn’t fuck around in the kitchen) and 3 loaves of apple, cinnamon, banana bread. You know who wouldn’t have been able to get all that done if she was downing whiskey? This slut right here.

You don’t want me drunk in the kitchen and handling knives…I’m just saying.

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Post image for Bed Making Leads to Better Sex

I never made my bed before I was married. The only time my sheets got changed was after I fucked someone on them, and then I’d make my bed…but I was never the type of person that got up, stretched and tucked the flat sheet underneath my pillow while I fluffed my comforter out. It totally wasn’t my style.

Enter, my wife.

She was raised in a military household. Her father was in the army and they traveled all over the world when she was very young. In his house, beds were made and inspected every morning. It’s a habit she never broke.

When we moved in together, I didn’t have a day job. I was freelance writing full time so I really didn’t leave the house much. I’d wake up to walk the dog and then head straight for my computer to pound away at the keys for 9 or 10 hours. After the first week, she started getting pissed off.

“Why the fuck do you not make the bed?”

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Take a Sexcation This Year

by Alpha Harlot on October 14, 2018

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Vacations were few and far between in my twenties. I was always in long distance relationships with guys who insisted that I travel to them, so I’d go for weekend jaunts and end up only being a tourist inside of a hotel room. At the time I wasn’t complaining, because traveling for sex was new and exciting. Now I look back and wish I had actually visited San Antonio, Austin and Atlanta for more than just some cock.

My wife and I love traveling with each other. We have similar tastes in that we like our trips to be equal parts adventure and relaxation. Our honeymoon in Puerto Rico was amazing. My favorite experience was either hiking through the rain forest, or fucking in the pool on our last night there. Both were things that I’ll remember for the rest of my life, while the hotel sex with my ex’s is forgettable at best.

We have brought up going on a legit sexcation before. There are plenty of LGBT cruises out there where clothing is optional and things tend to get a little out of hand. It’s definitely a dream of ours, but we’re not completely sold on getting on a boat.
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Post image for Fap Along With Harlot:  Digital Playground

When I lived in my studio apartment, I was so psyched to decorate the whole place in porno posters. I worked at an adult video store so they were fairly easy to come by. In my bathroom, I decided to showcase a massive fully clothed posted for the Digital Playground movie Pirates 2. At the time, Belladonna, Stoya and Sasha Grey were my porno fantasy trifecta and a movie featuring all three of the legends was the corner piece of my poster collection.

Why did I hang it in the bathroom then?

Because first thing in the morning and last thing at night, that poster put me in a good mood. I’d brush my teeth looking into the dreamy eyes of Jessie Jane, while thinking about how much fun it would be to blaze with Jenna Haze.

Digital Playground has always been known for the quality productions that they put out. For this week’s Fap Along, I figured I’d showcase a few of their recent PornHub clips so that we can all enjoy them together.

You Peepz ready? Pull out your favorite fuck sock and let’s fap!

Raven Alexis likes a little bit of cream in her coffee, and some of Erik Everhard’s splooge on her face. A breakfast cereal situation turns sexual in this scene from the DP movie Bad Girls 8.

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Post image for Sex and the City Without Samantha Would Be Like The Beatles Without John

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

While I’m not the biggest Sex and the City fan in the world, I’ll admit I enjoyed the show and its big-screen sequels.

I’ll also admit I was disappointed to hear there’s an ongoing feud between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall, because on some level I’m a dopey romantic who wants to believe actors all get along as well in real life as their characters do on-screen. I know that’s not the case, of course; I’m just saying I always want it to be so.

But if there’s one thing I’m not surprised or disappointed to hear, it’s that Sarah can’t imagine making another sequel without Kim on board.

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Possible Threesome with Our Grocery Deliverer

October 11, 2018
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I’ve fucked a whole lot of people and that means that I have a whole lot of memory lapses. Sometimes I wish I was the type of person who could remember every set of lips that I’ve made out with, but I think that tucking away all the sexual tips and tricks I’ve acquired may […]

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I Love You by Brooke Candy

October 10, 2018
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When a video on PornHub starts out with a shot of a glittery liquid CGI’d so that it’s flowing out of Asia Akira’s even more sparkly butthole, it’s basically my idea of a good time. The next video in the Visionaries Director’s Club series of original content made for PornHub, Brooke Candy makes her debut. […]

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Powerful Storm Blows Sex Toys Down The Street

October 9, 2018
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Living in Southern California, I’m pretty spoiled with regards to weather. We occasionally have a storm, and our insane overreaction to even just an inch of rain is worthy of national ridicule. It’s easier for us to just live vicariously through following the news coverage of every other major weather event that happens around the […]

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Mixing Mainstream with Porn

October 8, 2018
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Earlier this year, I wrote about Young MA’s directorial debut for a video that was exclusively released on PornHub. It is still one of the hottest all-girl clips I have ever seen in my life. Other recording artists had jumped on the PornHub bandwagon before, but this was a full on smash hit of a […]

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Pornhub Insights On The Curious Rise Of Bowsette Porn

October 7, 2018
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I’ve liked Nintendo products ever since I was a kid. I grew up around the original NES and playing games was a family experience. My parents would watch my siblings and I pass the controllers around, occasionally hopping on the d-pad themselves to direct Mario into an early grave. It was a gaming experience that […]

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