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Hello Peepz! How has your week been? Winter has been hit or miss this year in the Dirty Jerz, but I basically spent last week hiding out inside because of the below freezing temperatures. I’m thankful I had PornHub to keep me warm.

This week’s Fap Along is going to include five clips from the collection of Bluebird Films. I stumbled upon their page because I was looking for a video that involved sex in a store. Don’t judge, I was in the mood for some public smut. Once I started watching the first clip in the list I went down a rabbit hole of clips and I came out the other side with slippery, pruney fingers.

You Peepz ready to join in the fun? Let’s start it up exactly the same way I did, with a threesome covered in tasty treats

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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

Over the years, I’ve heard of some very dumb home remedies people have cooked up to deal with various health problems.

One involved a guy who had read somewhere it was a good idea to run an electrical current into a bite wound left by a venomous animal – so when he got bitten on the lip by a rattlesnake, he figured the best thing to do would be to hook up his lip to his truck battery. I don’t think his face blew off (a car battery doesn’t have that kind of juice to it) but I’m relatively certain the resulting sensation probably wasn’t the quick relief he had in mind.

Some folks like to rub butter onto their burns – which might seem like a good idea on some level (“At least my badly singed flesh will taste better now!”), except that butter actually retains heat, which obviously is not what you want when you’re trying to make a burn feel better.

And, of course, there’s always the real cure-all, according to some: Robitussin.

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Sex Toy Brothels

by Alpha Harlot on February 14, 2019

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I started re-watching Battlestar Galactica a few weeks ago. I won’t go into specifics of why I like the show, because there are a bazillion reasons. To give you a small gist, humans created these robot slaves called Cylons. The robot slaves gained intelligence and created other robots that look like humans. Those human robots came back for vengeance and one of the best Sci-Fi television franchises of all time was born.

Fight me if you think I’m wrong.

One of the main characteristics of the human-type Cylons (they’re called skin jobs…which sounds delightfully perverse) is that they are hyper-sexual beings. The first time I watched the show, without knowing much about what was going to end up happening, I thought of the Cylons as automated sex machines. I was totally of base, but that’s besides the point.

Sex dolls are much more than the cheezy blow up models that people bring to Stag parties. You can totally still get your hands on those, but you can also find a fuck ton of fancier ones to buy yourself…or, you can rent one for a few hours at a Sex Doll Brothel.

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Lindsey Pelas is Hot

by Alpha Harlot on February 13, 2019

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I have a few different Instagram accounts. I try and keep at least one of them completely safe for work so that when I’m in public scrolling, I don’t offend anyone. I fucked up the other day and opened the wrong profile while I was on line at the grocery store. I stumbled on a picture from the feed of Lindsey Pelas. To no avail, I tried to play it off like nothing was going on and her amazingly huge boobs were nowhere near my face. The guy standing behind me in line was like, “I love Lindsey. She’s amazing,” so I mean, at least it was a conversation starter.

I think that when two people who appreciate the female form can connect in public, it’s special. There was a time where we would both be hiding our phones, ashamed to be looking at sex pictures in public. It’s a pretty amazing world we live in, isn’t it?

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Game Night Fantasy

by Alpha Harlot on February 10, 2019

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I can’t stop my brain from going full perv sometimes, Peepz.

My wife and I were hanging out at a Pokemon Go raid and we started talking to one of the guys that was raiding with us. We ended up defeating the monster (Palkia, if anyone cares) and we started walking over to our car. Before we got in that guy pulled up to us and was like, “I know we don’t know each other or anything, but you seem pretty cool. Do you want to come over to my place tonight to play some games? My wife is having a few friends over and I think you’d have fun.”

This is possibly the first time that I’ve randomly gone to a strangers house since I stopped being a Craig’s List slut, but we decided that it might be fun.

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Fap Along With Harlot: Mia Khalifa Forever

February 9, 2019
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Unique pornstars with tons of creativity will always get my views. Mia Khalifa was born in Lebanon and has been in the adult industry for quite some time. At this point, she’s doing her own thing and keeping her fans happy via her Patreon page and her personal website. I started creeping on her PornHub […]

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Stoya is Writing Advice for Slate and I’m Here for It

February 7, 2019
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We have a group of friends that’s about a decade younger than my wife and I are.  The age gap is never visible to us until we end up discussing culture and pop culture. I totally lump the adult industry into that category.   When people don’t recognize the names of the legendary Pornstars that […]

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Car Sex and Cocaine Lead to Arrest

February 6, 2019
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I tend to forget that my car has windows and am absolutely the person who sings and dances while she drives.  No one is watching me because all eyes are on the road, right? No? Whatever, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. My love of masturbating in my car on my lunch break is […]

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Dr. Ruth Wants to Teach Millennials About Sex

February 5, 2019
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“How in the fuck did we learn about sex before the Internet?” That’s what my wife’s BFF asked on Saturday night while we were out for her birthday drinks. My wife suggested that we just messed around until it felt right. One of our other friends brought up shady looking porno shops and watching Skinamax […]

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Taking Time To Look Behind

February 4, 2019
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What is the first thing you notice when you click on a cam room? Of course you’re going to notice the person. Regardless of the gender, the person you are watching has probably put a bit of thought into what is on camera, and I’m not just talking about their bodies and their sex toys. […]

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