I Want Young M.A’s Dick

I bought my first strap on back in 2003, I think. The adult video shop I went to didn’t have much of a selection, so I asked them if they would be able to special order a purple, “leather” Vac-u-lock harness. Creepy McCreeperson who owned the shop tried to talk me into some rubbish harness he had on the shelf, but finally he gave in.

He absolutely overcharged me, but this was back when Internet shopping wasn’t even close to being popular. I had to deal with the creep to get what I wanted…and I worshipped that fucking harness.

Later in life, once I fucked a considerable number of people with my assortment of cocks, I met my wife and hung my strap up basically for good. She would rather fuck me than be fucked, and she had a harness of her own to play with. I miss wearing my Vac-U-Lock sometimes, but now I have a reason to buy a new one.

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Adventures in Kink: Hypno Fetish

Last summer when my wife and I went to TES Fest, we ran into a friend of ours that we know in the vanilla world. I was about to get naked so that my wife could tie me to a bench when we heard a familiar, “SHUT UP!” a few feet away from us. I was definitely glad that I wasn’t naked yet, even though in that particular kink friendly setting, I don’t think it would have mattered.

Since we found out about our mutual respect and love for kinky things, we’ve had a few round table discussions when we run into each other in public places (and admittedly, on fetlife as well). One of our friend’s fetishes is hypno kink so over the weekend, we decided to attend a 101 class that they were presenting at to learn a little bit more about what makes them tick.

Because my wife and I can’t do anything without a little spice, we also invited two other couples. Of those four people, only one of them had been to a public kink event of any kind, so we were bringing a large batch of virgins to the party.

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Fap Along with Harlot: Banging Blondes

Happy Sunday, my Peepz! I’ve been messing around on Pornhub all morning and I kept making circles around clips with hot blonde women in them. It’s not hard to do, but it isn’t something that I often end up doing.

I don’t necessarily have a hair color preference with the ladies that I bang, but if you happen to enjoy the company of blondes more than anyone else, I suggest you saddle up and get ready for a wild ride.

Are you ready to get down and dirty with me? Pants off, please…it’s time to fap!

First up is Skye Blue with her boyfriend’s boss. All she wants is to convince the guy to give her man his job back. She knows that her tight fuck hole is going to do the trick to get her back on the road to riches.

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Have a Sexy Valentine’s Day!

Listen, you should 100% read this post all the way to the end. I posted a super sexy cupid clip all the way down on the bottom. The blowjob noises are amazing, and that should be incentive enough for you to stay.



It’s literally the gift that keeps on giving and won’t give up on you until you are completely spent. That’s hours, Peepz. 24 hours of free access to all the porn that you can possibly handle.

My wife and I give each other “Love Socks” every year for Valentine’s Day. What are love socks, you ask? Love socks are just socks with something silly printed on them. Last year I gave her “Pizza My Heart,” socks. This year, I couldn’t find any actual Valentine’s Day socks, so I got her a pair with llamas, racoons and sloths on them. Our ridiculous sentiment to each other completely makes sense in our relationship. We don’t really take Valentine’s Day seriously because we fucking love each other every day of the year.

You know what we do take seriously though?

Our porn.

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Fetishes in the United States

What’s your kink, Peepz? Is there something out there that just does it for you? It could be something you wear, like a clown costume or head-to-toe leather. Or maybe it’s something you like to participate in, like group sex or flogging.

Personally, I’m a fan of electro play. I love the tingling zap of a Violet Wand or the intense rush of a TENS unit strapped to my pussy lips. Too much for some, I know, but it’s exactly the type of thing that keeps my mind working and my panties wet.

Future Method went to the Google machine and pulled out the kink search results for each of the states in the union. The map has some surprises (Nevada and Pennsylvania, I’m looking at you) but all in all, it’s fairly typical fetish-type stuff.

Here’s a look at the map they threw together:

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Bad Bikini Photoshop

Most of the time Instagram influencers seem to photoshop themselves to look more like their ideal. Bigger butts, bigger tits, smaller waist, more dramatic curves, that’s all part of the magic of technology. Someone on ABC decided to do the opposite of that on an episode of the Bachelor though.

Barely there bikinis have been all the rage for years. There is nothing wrong with getting some sun over every square inch of your body, especially if you want to show off all your assets on national television. Puritanical society took the reigns on last week’s episode though, when the ladies all had their butts photoshopped to cover up their cheeks.

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Fap Along with Harlot: Skin Diamond Flashback

My email had a surprise in it last Friday, my Peepz. Apparently the illustrious Skin Diamond is going to be making appearances at all four of the Exxxotica conventions this year. One of those conventions happens to be in October in the Dirty Jerz.

I’m fucking JAZZED for this. Skin Diamond has been one of my girl crushes for the longest. At Exxxotica, she is going to be appearing in the dungeon set up as Madame Skin.

BDSM and Skin all wrapped up into one? Yes please.

To celebrate her appearances, I’m diving deep into the Pornhub archives to pull some clips for us all to enjoy together. Are you Peepz ready? Grab your favorite jizz towel and let’s fap!

Skin can go from sensual to hardcore in the blink of an eye. She’s willing to please and give pleasure in every clip. She gets soapy in the shower and fucks after a massage.

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More Vagina Scented Stuff

When I’m feeling sexy, my go to music is Erykah Badu’s Baduism. Her voice is everything soulful that I’m looking for when I want to ramp up the mood. Everything about that album is nostalgic for me and I’ll forever be a fan of hers because of it.

Last month, I wrote about how Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina scented candle had sold out in hours and now, Ms. Badu has decided to jump on the pussy scented bandwagon herself. She isn’t going the wax route though, she’s headed straight for the nose’s jugular and creating a fragrant incense that meshes with her earthly sensibilities.

I’m honestly glad that pussy is having a moment. It’s super dumb that people are tweaked out about the way that a pussy smells and tastes. All that nonsense is puritanical bullshit.

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Streaking at the Super Bowl

It takes balls to run around naked in public. Attempting to run onto Super Bowl turf while you’re nearly nude is ballsy on a completely other level. It happened though, Peepz.

Influencer Kelly Kay took to the sidelines and attempted to run straight onto the field as an attention grabbing stunt for Vitality Uncensored.  Those guys seem to be like Girls Gone Wild for millenials. The beautiful, blonde bombshell wasn’t completely naked at the time. She was actually wearing this super high cut one piece advertising the company.

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Dick Pic Tricks

One of my Internet friends is a filmmaker. Not porno movies, honestly interesting movies that are sometimes sexy but all of the time interesting. Over the years, we’ve had many interesting conversations and this weekend, we talked about dick pics.

I am not a fan of penis pictures being sent to me. You know how there are beautiful social media influencers out there that take the time to check the lighting and angles before they send their pictures out into cyberspace? Very few men actually go through a beautification check before snapping pics of their cock. There is no story to it…no imagination

I don’t get turned on when someone shows me who they are and how attractive they feel. My attraction to someone else has 85% to do with their own self-confidence. That’s my trigger. Hot people exude hotness…not cockiness, mind you…Cocky narcissistic people can go fuck themselves, or other people. They are definitely not fucking me.

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