Australian Military Wants To Send Sex Workers To Front Lines

by Calvin Clark on November 23, 2018

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Regardless of your political affiliation it’s hard not to love your country’s troops. The freedom to powerlessly disagree with your government is a fundamental right, but letting that sour your attitude towards members of the armed forces is kind of a dick move. These men and women are simply trying to provide for their families while serving their country so we can be free to openly criticize our least favorite politicians on Twitter.

Australia has a long history of supporting their troops. During World War I a recipe for a kind of dry cookie with a long shelf life called ANZAC biscuits was distributed so citizens could bake them and send them to soldiers fighting in Europe. No longer content with baked goods, an Australian captain suggested sending sex workers to front lines to help relieve stress. Cool!… or not?

While the idea may sound good on paper, apparently the spouses of men and women fighting abroad were less than thrilled about the idea of government funded prostitutes being provided to the troops. Oops.

The recommendation was part of an essay called “Sex and War – A Conversation Army Has to Have” by Capt. Sally Williamson. In it she suggests having sex while on deployment would help ease the stress of “loneliness or prolonged absence from family, friends, partners and spouses.” Rather than soldiers having sex amongst each other, providing professionals would make sexual partners more accessible.

Kind of like ANZAC cookies but with orgasms.

Given the distances military marriages endure, it’s no surprise to hear they also experience a higher divorce rate. While it would be easy to say married soldiers could simply abstain from sex, the idea of the government providing that extra temptation was too obscene for some Australians.

After realizing Williamson’s essay pissed off almost every military spouse, a spokesperson from the military quickly apologized and stated that it was not meant for public reading. Maybe it was just some of that Aussie wit we hear so much about?

Now if you were to train these sex workers to be elite soldiers, that would be different. Not only would they be able to serve dual purposes on the front line, but training a bunch of sexy prostitutes to sneak behind enemy lines and have sex is the exact plot of one of my favorite Brazzers movies. It would be the most patriotic example of life imitating art of all time.

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