Alpha Harlot

Fap Along With Harlot: Quintessential Summer Porno

July 21, 2018
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The New Jersey summer is hot this year. I’m admittedly more of a fall/spring type of gal. I’d rather wear hoodies and skull caps than short shorts and tube tops. My memory is pretty much shit, but I don’t really think it was as hot as it is now last year. I needed a little […]

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Kinder Eggs Are Dangerous

July 19, 2018
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My wife and I don’t have a proposal story. We have like twenty proposal stories because we realized that when you get engaged, people tend to buy you free food and drinks. When we actually got engaged, we decided that we wanted to get married during a regular old conversation and then went to the […]

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Do You Read Erotica?

July 17, 2018
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One of the drawbacks to being surrounded by porno for 85% of the time that I’m awake is that I’ve gotten lazy with getting turned on. In my early 20s, I would print out super hot lesbian erotica stories on my printer at work and sneak them home in my purse. Watching porno wasn’t my […]

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Will Smith Has Had Enough Sex, I Haven’t

July 15, 2018
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I can’t seem to get enough of the Smith family lately. A few weeks ago, I wrote about Jada Pinkett Smith and her refreshingly open dialogue regarding sex. Now Will Smith is talking about how he’s had all the sex he ever wanted. I don’t think that’s even possible. He’s got a new song called […]

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Fap Along With Harlot: Steamy Steampunk and Cosplay

July 14, 2018
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This Fap Along is going to be slightly all over the place. My original idea was to pull PornHub clips that were 100% steampunk. I wanted clocks, gears, corsets and cocks. What I ended up with was the realization that not enough good steampunk porn yet exists. GET ON THAT SHIT ADULT ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY!! So […]

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GQ is Telling Peepz to Have Beach Sex

July 11, 2018
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Sometimes fantasies are better than the reality. I think that’s the case most times, actually. You daydream about banging in public with someone ultra attractive. Then you find someone who is willing to fuck in a back alley and it ends up this awkward exchange of thrusts. I’m not telling you not to fantasize…Fucking do […]

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Is Electric Slide Really About a Vibrator?

July 8, 2018
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One more thing from my childhood is potentially “ruined” forever and ever, Peepz. I use the words “my” and “ruined” very loosely though…as I could give a shit about this particular song and nothing that has been made perverse is ever truly ruined. That’s the truth in a lot of cases anyway. An Internet rumor […]

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Man with Bionic Dick Needs a 10 Day Boner

July 4, 2018
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Robotic human body parts are fucking fascinating to me. I love the steampunk-esqe idea of a person being half man, half machine. My entire Battlestar Galactica obsession is basically because Six is the hottest robot to ever grace my television screen. I legit wonder what having sex with a Cylon is like. Since I am […]

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Smashed Windows After Sex Denial

July 2, 2018
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Do you Peepz ever hit up your ex’s for a bit of boning? I had this bad habit in my 20s of recycling my lovers. It was mostly because I didn’t have to put much work into getting them in bed, but also because their bodies were familiar. The problem with fucking ex’s is that […]

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Fap Along With Harlot: Blue Eyes, Spread Thighs

June 30, 2018
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Wearing glasses has been part of my whole identity since I was a kid. I got myself a pair of contacts before we went on vacation because I wanted to be able to go scuba diving. That all worked out, but now I’ve got a pair of contacts and I feel like I should break […]

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