Driving Away From Women Hating Fanatics On My Vagina-Cycle

by FIONA WILDE on July 12, 2013

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Fiona Wilde is a staff writer and commentator for sssh.com and a published author of erotic novels for Blushing Books. Fiona comes from a background as a journalist for a large daily newspaper, but moved into erotica after mainstream media could not pay enough to keep her an honest woman. Her columns can be found on sssh.com and her novels are widely available on Amazon.com.

I try to shy away from making this column political, but today I just can’t help myself.

I really need to get my vagina out of North Carolina, even if I have to hop on my menstrual cycle to do it.

And now you’re all like, “Huh? Your menstrual cycle? Are you crazy? You don’t ride a menstrual cycle. That’s your period, and not to be confused with a vehicle.”

To which I say, “Thank you, and would you please come down here and explain that to our lawmakers who just loaded a motorcycle safety bill with a bunch of legislation regulating what’s between my legs? Which, I assure you, is not a motorcycle (even if it does need a little lube once in a while.)”

Things have just gotten crazy here in North Carolina, ya’ll. Folks are jobless and scared because the state just cut their unemployment benefits, we’re still underachievers in education and all our lawmakers can find time to do is advance abortion bill after abortion bill designed to get all up in our lady business.

The first one they tried to sneak in by modifying a bill that would have made Sharia Law illegal in North Carolina, even though the chances of Sharia Law taking hold in North Carolina are about as good as you finding out you just won the lottery while getting head from a Victoria’s Secret model.

But we women realized what was up, and by the time we’d gotten our panties unknotted we’d raised such a ruckus that the governor was all like, “Wait. Maybe I shouldn’t sign this.”
But the GOP mascot is an elephant, and when you think of an elephant what comes to mind? Stealth? Sneakiness?

Fuck no. When I think of an elephant I think of an animal that’s so obvious it’s stupid, even when it’s trying to be subtle. So naturally they tried doing the same thing, this time by loading a bunch of anti-choice legislation in a motorcycle safety bill.

And the collective female reaction was, “Sweet, fluffy Jesus….really?”

Now, in all fairness to the GOP, they don’t seem to have a real good grasp on biology. I’m sure a lot of you remember the last campaign when some Republican lawmakers suggested that in cases of unwanted sperm invasions, our pussies become straight-up killing machines to keep us from getting pregnant. So is it really so hard to believe that they could confuse a motorcycle with our lady parts? I mean, just look:


Of course, my uterus doesn’t have a kickstand, although if you showed that to a GOP lawmaker in North Carolina he’d squint, stare and say, “Nah, that’s not a kickstand. That’s a coat hanger.” Because these guys never learn.

And they’ll never stop, either. Because although I’ve tried to be a little tongue in cheek with this column, this is a very serious issue and a very real threat on a national level to the women you care about – your wives, your sisters, your friends.

No matter how you feel about the issue of choice, the decision to go through with or terminate a pregnancy is deeply personal and is often one made not just by the woman but by the woman and her male partner after careful consideration of their living situation, finances and ability to care for another human being which is a pretty damn big commitment

If the decision doesn’t affect their lives personally, lawmakers need to butt out. These are our bodies, guys. We’ve got this.

Fiona Wilde is a Sssh.com columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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