Every Thing You Always Wanted To Know About Vaginas*

by Lola Byrd on December 19, 2011

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*But Were Too Afraid To Ask

Welcome to the wonderful world of vaginas! Lissa Rankin, M.D. recently finished a 20-city book store tour to promote What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, and in honor of her fabulous book (I don’t know if it’s fabulous, I’m just assuming any book about vaginas is awesome) she posted an article on psychologytoday.com: 15 Crazy Things About Vaginas.

Here’s a run down of the of all those nifty facts about vaginas you always wanted  know, but were too afraid to ask:

“Pubic hair is not just a biological accident that forces us to the waxing salon.” Whether your a fan of hairy pussy or not, it’s good to know that it actually serves three important functions: it protects the vagina, it acts as a pheromone catcher, and it let’s people know that you’ve hit puberty and are ready to procreate.

“There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to female pleasure. The penis only has 4000.” Never again will I be jealous of the male orgasm . In fact, I feel like masturbating right now to celebrate my clit’s nerve endings.

The average vagina is 3-4 inches long, but fear not if your guy is hung like a horse. The vagina can expand by 200% when sexually aroused, kind of like a balloon.” That’s right, the vagina actually expands when aroused. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! Also, the average vagina length should cheer up all yous short dicked men out there.

“The vagina doesn’t connect to the lung.” Never fear, you can’t loose anything up there. There’s this little thing called the cervix that blocks the passage of everything except semen (and blood). Never ever try to pass anything through the cervical os (the little opening that let’s your swimmer through) unless you’re into incredible pain.

“Yes, it’s true — your vagina can fall out.” Known as a pelvic prolapse, this is scary shit, but it can be fixed so don’t worry to much about it.

“Vaginas have something in common with sharks. Both contain squalene, a substance that exists in both shark livers and natural vaginal lubricant.” See this photo for more proof that vaginas are just like sharks.“You can catch sexually transmitted diseases even if you use a condom.” Sure condoms are great to prevent pregnancy and diseases that are transmitted through ejaculate, but watch out for herpes and warts that can be transmitted through vulva and scrotum contact.

“The average length of the labia minora is less than ¾ inch long (yes, someone got out a ruler and measured 2981 women). Only 1.8% of women have labia longer than 1 ½ inches.” Good to know, sort of, but who cares since we all know that vaginas are unique and wonderful.

“While hair on your head can live up to seven years, pubic hair has a life expectancy of about three weeks, which is why it only grows so long.” Weird, I wonder why there aren’t more pubes lying around all over the place.

“The word “vagina” comes from the Latin root meaning “sheath for a sword,” which may explain why some women simply hate the word.” Personally, I like the pseudonym “peachfish” (cookie to anyone who gets the reference). What’s your favorite pseudonym for pussy?

“Only about 30% of women have orgasms from intercourse alone.” Long live the clitoris and its 8000 nerve endings!

“Increasing evidence suggests that the G spot feels good because it lies right over a deep part of the clitoris.” Does that mean that vaginal orgasm are just deep clitoral orgasms? Maybe, as long as it feels good it’s all good with me.

“Vaginal farts (some call them “queefs” or “varts”) happen to almost all women at one time or another, especially during sex or other forms of exercise.” Haha, I don’t have a very queefy vagina, but I remember a particular DP (double penetration) sexual experience where it. Just. Wouldn’t. Stop.

“Some women do ejaculate during orgasm, but you’re normal if you don’t.” Pee or cum? That is the question. If it’s over a liter, it might be pee, but chances are it’s a mixture of milky ejaculate with a little bit of pee mixed in. Don’t worry about it too much. Even if I pissed myself every time I had an orgasm I would still enjoy it. Just throw a towel/sex blanket on there and have some fun.

“Safe sex (or even just orgasm alone) is good for you. Benefits include lowering your risk of heart disease and stroke, reducing your risk of breast cancer, bolstering your immune system, helping you sleep, making you appear more youthful, improving your fitness, regulating menstrual cycles, relieving menstrual cramps, helping with chronic pain, reducing the risk of depression, lowering stress levels, and improving self esteem.” As if we needed more reasons to have sex, but it’s nice to know they exist.

Here ends your vagina education. Merry x-mas and lots of orgasms for everyone!

Via psychologytoday.com

  • Saro Avakian

    I believe the “Peachfish” reference comes from Tom Robbins’
    Still Life With Woodpecker.

    • Better late than never, I only saw this comment today. Sure it’s been five years, but I would like to give a very stale cookie for your correct answer.

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