Fap Along with Harlot: How Does Your Garden Grow?

My kitchen is currently overflowing with zucchini. It happens to be my favorite vegetable to eat, but depending on the size of the baseball bats my friends, family and neighbors donate to me, I’ll also fuck them. There’s no shame in fucking veggies. I’d stay away from bananas because they squish, but that’s just a personal preference.

Gardens are sexy, right? I’ve got a little bit of everything for you in this Fap Along. An actress named Garden, some fucking in the garden, plus my personal favorite, “What the hell type of vegetable did she just stick in her butthole?” Grab a dirty towel out of the hamper and let’s start stroking!

JM Productions are known for their nasty take on porno. In this clip from Gag Factor 26, Eden De Garden gets her throat fucked with a huge dick. Her saliva ends up all over her face because of the blowjob position. It’s pretty sexy, if you ask me. Skip to 1:44 to get past the credits.


Outside orgy? You know I’m all about that. There’s pool sex, there’s garden sex on the grass, there is even an underwater camera so you don’t miss a second of the action.

Buttsex and vegetables can be a perfect match. Alysa Gap can stretch her fuck holes to accommodate basically anything that is thrown her way. Got a bottle? She’ll fuck it. Got an apple? No problem! She teams up with turnip fucktress Isabella Clark in this next video.

When you’re a gardener and you start peeping through windows, you better have a pretty good excuse when you get caught. Adriana Maya is no fool. When she sees something she wants, she goes for it. The gardener’s punishment for being a Peeping Tom is the best part. Don’t be a jerk IRL though. Always ask before you sneak a look inside a window.

Question for you Peepz…and it’s a serious one. What in the fuck kind of mammoth root vegetable is this woman fucking herself with?!?! I have zero idea and would love to be educated.

That’s it for this week, Peepz. I’m about to play Peter Rabbit and go steal some veggies from McGreggor’s garden (and by veggies I mean kisses…and by McGreggor’s garden I mean my wife’s mouth). I’ll see you next week!

Image: Nina North in Vegetable Cock Tale by Brazzers

  • My mom just burned a bunch of zucchini in the oven and the house smells

    • That’s totally terrible. I don’t think I’ve ever burned zucchini before? It takes a whole lot of cooking to get all that moisture out of the veggie. You can also replace the word, “cooking” with “fucking,” and “veggie,” with, “my pussy”