Florida Man Arrested For Boning An Alligator?!

by Lola Byrd on July 17, 2015

Post image for Florida Man Arrested For Boning An Alligator?!

Is there anything left in this world some dude hasn’t tried to stick his dick into?! Probably not. I mean, I would draw the line at a hornet’s nest, or, you know, an alligator, but I don’t have a penis so apparently I know as much as Jon Snow about these things. Not that Jon Snow doesn’t have a penis, just that he knows nothing. I thought I would clear that up, because Jon Snow definitely has a penis even though he’s dead, probably.*

Right, so putting Game of Thrones spoilers aside for a moment and going back to people who stick their peens in weird places, when I first read the headline “Florida Man Arrested for Having Sex with an Alligator” I thought to myself “Florida, of course” and “Wait, an Alligator? Surely this is a joke.”

As it turns out, this is no joke, but a sick twisted story of revenge. Darwin, 59, captured and held a 12 foot alligator captive for over a month after said gator tried to drag him under water by the pant leg and failed. A witness, who was taking a nature hike near Darwin’s home, caught the Florida man having sex with the gator and overheard him say: “Next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my bitch forever.”

Thankfully, Darwin the psycho was arrested on multiple counts of animal cruelty and one count of illegally keeping a wild animal captive before he could continue with his revenge plan of cutting off the gator’s tail and pulling out its teeth. The alligator is currently being treated for minor injuries and is expected to be released back into the wild in a few weeks.

I know alligator aren’t exactly cute and cuddly, but they certainly deserve better than being mistreated by a douche named Rupert Darwin. I hope the guy gets a big dose of Karma coming his way. Fatal alligator attacks are actually pretty rare, but I’m praying the next time Darwin goes fishing in a swamp that he gets pulled under for good.

*Unless there’s some kind of resurrection that’s going to happen.

Via thugvirals.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

Previous post:

Next post: