Gwyneth Paltrow Is Topless & Covered In Mud For GOOP

by Lola Byrd on September 14, 2017

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I won’t go as far as to say that Gwyneth Paltrow is a garbage human being, but she’s pretty much a garbage human being. Okay, so she’s alright as Pepper Potts, but we’re talking about a woman who once said that being on set is harder than being a regular working mom.

One of the most frequent complaints I hear about Gwyneth is that she out of touch with reality, her health and wellness website GOOP has been recommending the most dubious and expensive things to women for years. In response to these valid critiques, Paltrow responded that she can’t pretend she makes $25,000 a year.

Oh, and remember when she said she would rather smoke crack than eat string cheese?! Yup, that’s the woman who has now launched a print magazine to spread the healing properties of crystals and mud.

For the first issue, Gwyneth appears topless and covered in mud on the cover. The cover, which reads “Earth to Gwyneth” is a cheeky nod to the fact that this garbage human is completely out of touch with us plebs and the lives we lead.

It’s not working, Paltrow. I’m onto you and your suggestion that women get stung by bees to get rid of old cesarean scars. I mean, maybe it works. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve been stung by a bee before, but never on a scar. What I do know, however, is that a crystal will not cure infertility. Nope. Nohow.

If that wasn’t reason enough to dislike Gwyneth, there’s also the fact that she totally screwed over her best friend Winona Ryder back in the ’90s. Paltrow was at Ryder’s house just hanging out and whatnot when she saw the script for Shakespeare in Love and literally stole it for herself. What a bitch?!

Via dlisted.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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