I’ll Pencil You In, Right Between Spinning Class And Netflix Binging

by CALICO RUDASILL on August 3, 2018

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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

If I were to ask you what sort of personality traits you find sexiest, what would top your list?

Are you turned on by confidence? Do you like a partner who is assertive in bed – maybe even aggressive? Or do “take charge” types rub you wrong, leading you to prefer someone a bit more laid back and/or submissive?

Here’s a question along those lines you might not have thought of before – because I know I sure hadn’t until today: Is the key to a great sex life a partner who is really organized?

To Schedule An Appointment For Oral Sex, Press 1…

In a paper published in The Journal of Sex Research, Julia Velten, Julia Brailovskaia and Jürgen Margraf go about “Exploring the Impact of Personal and Partner Traits on Sexuality” – which sounds way more fun than it is, once you start reading the article.

Because I’m feeling lazy today, I’m going to let other people do the interpretation of this research, people like Rachelle Hampton from Slate, whose take on the work of Velten, Brailovskaia and Margraf is: “While Scheduling Sex May Not Sound Hot, It’s Probably Better for Your Relationship.”

Hmm. I can agree with one half of that statement, I guess.

When I think about things which have contributed to hot, satisfying sex, I’ve had in the past, none of them involve updating the calendar on my smartphone or checking my most recent, hand-scrawled to-do list.

But let’s not be too hasty; maybe this whole “scheduling sex” thing is less regimented than it sounds.

“One positive predictor of sexual function for both men and women was how conscientious the respondents themselves were, and for women, how conscientious their partners were,” Hampton writes. “The authors describe conscientious individuals as ‘careful, thorough, dutiful, and having the desire to do a task well.’ In other words, the type of person not only most likely to schedule sex but, as the authors’ write, ‘to postpone one’s own needs and interests to focus on resolving a sexual problem within the context of committed, long-term relationships.’”

I detect a leap here – the kind of leap which makes me think I’m going to wind up having to read this paper for myself, after all. After all, being conscientious doesn’t also imply being so anal about everything you start blocking out times to have sex as though it was a meeting with the marketing department.

And Here I Thought The “Big Five” Was A Collegiate Athletic Conference

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but for some reason I’m skeptical of the whole notion of imposing order, time constraints and/or priority scheduling on my sex life. To me, trying to schedule something like an orgasm sounds a little like jotting a note under 1pm in my day-planner which says: “Laugh heartily here – subject of mirth TBD.”

Before I go off on a rant about these three weird researchers who are advocating for people to treat sex like a dentist’s appointment, maybe I should confirm the notion they’re advocating for sex-scheduling as an approach to improve one’s sex life.

One of the things the researchers did was to consider to what extent a five-factor model of personality – also known as the “Big Five” – was predictive in terms of the “sexual function” of couples. The personality traits which make up the Big Five are extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability and “openness to experience.”

Confused? Me too. But let’s pretend we’re not and forge ahead – the same approach which served me so well over the nine years it took for me to finish college.

“Actor conscientiousness and emotional stability were positive predictors in both genders, while partner conscientiousness and emotional stability were significant in women only,” the researchers report.

I’d explain what that means, if it weren’t for the somewhat inconvenient fact I have no idea what it means. Among other things, I don’t know how actors came into this – unless one of them is George Clooney, who always seems to show up in my head when I’m thinking about sex.

“Conscientious individuals are characterized as careful, thorough, dutiful, and having the desire to do a task well.”

OK– now this is starting to make sense.

I still have no idea where people are getting the idea this study is telling people to schedule sex (all joking aside, that idea doesn’t appear anywhere in the research paper itself), but I sure do understand why a lover who meets that description would be an adept and worthy one.

After all, who better to have going down on you than someone who is “dutiful” and has “the desire to do a task well’?

Hell, for a man like that, I might even cancel lunch!

Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:


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