Internet Pranksters Storm Subways Partially Nude

by Calvin Clark on August 2, 2017

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I hate public transportation. Everything is kind of sticky and the air smells of farts and unwashed balls. There’s a lot of Asian porn where two people start having violent sex on a subway train while nobody else seems to notice, but like most things that happen in Asian porn it is total bullshit.

Anyone who claims to have had sex on a subway is either a liar or a rapist. The entire goal of public transportation is to appear like such a detached asshole that nobody even bothers trying to talk to you, much less engage in spontaneous casual sex. Subway trains are so unsexy and boring that extended commutes on one are the leading cause of suicide among penises aged 18-35.

In an attempt to spice up the lives of Earth loving hippies and people too poor to drive to work, a bunch of hipsters in major cities across the world decided to board their local subways without any pants on.

According to various news sources, the idea for the annual No Pants Subway Ride was started by a group of yuck loving bloggers who also setup meet ups at local bars immediately following all the pantsless shenanigans. This year marks the 15th anniversary. A quick break down of this information reveals that the movement consisted of public indecency, alcohol, and anonymous internet gatherings – the three essential elements of a syphilis outbreak.

Like comic convention orgies and porn theater hedonism, however, these events most likely consisted of a couple moderately hot chicks and about ten times as many dudes. While these ratios may not bother some of you sick fucks, they aren’t that appealing to those of us who would, at most, Chinese finger trap a chubby shut-in WoW nerd.

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