Just For Porn Headphones – Whaa?!

by Lola Byrd on June 2, 2014

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I need those, natch. (Talking about the butt cheeks.)

Back when I was a wee lass and the Internet wasn’t close to what it is today, most teenagers living at home had to pillage their parents porn stash to get off. If they were lucky they were able to catch a late night soft core porn on Skinemax come Friday night.

Hopefully, your parents were fast asleep by the time the sweet porno music started to make it’s way out of your television set, but no matter how loud your Dad’s snoring was you always tried to keep the volume as low as possible as to not alert the parental units you were trying to have a masturbation session in the living room.

If you were lucky as all hell, your TV had a headphone jack and you could sit in front of the BOOB tube and rub one out as quietly as possible while praying not to get caught.

Those were the days where I discovered that the moans and groans I tried so hard to keep my parents from hearing where a huge part of what turned me on. Talk about a bummer!

No longer do you have to choose between your sexual satisfaction and keeping your roommates/parents from hearing the sounds that are helping you get off. I mean, hell, everything with a screen these days comes with a headphone jack and it’s not like headphones are hard to come by.

But what about quality headphones that are designed to let you hear every queef and cum splat?! Lovepalz, a Taiwanese company dedicated to high end sex products, has come out with a pair of headphones just for you: “Ladobies are said to enhance the listening experience of porn by making every lick, flick and exhale sound closer and clearer, like the people you’re watching/listening to are “just next to you.” “

It’s the world’s first 6-way earphone that provides a 4D listening experience designed for porn. Sure, there’s nothing stopping you from using these to listen to Beyonce on your ipod, but if your true passion is porn you might as well use these as dedicated sex-phones.

Via thefrisky.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

  • Zach Becvar

    this reminds me of a time i was watching porn and I had the volume turned up a little too loud because my roommate thought that it was the couple living next door to us and he freaked out and ran into his closet and put his ear to the adjoining wall trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. After I finished my business so to speak, he asked me if I heard anything and I told him I was watching porn. It was all good though we ended up laughing about it later.

    • This guy I lived with – my best friend at the time – he used to rent porn all the time when we would go rent movies. I’d accompanied him, sometimes, into the adult only section. Good times.

  • Robonino123

    It’s a double edged sword though. If you are watching porn with headphones on trying to be sneaky you also can’t hear if someone is about to come into the room.

    • That’s sooo true. Ah, the perils of masturbating with your parents in the house.

  • edwards21

    Warning: Technical.

    Don’t buy these. They’re stupid. They’re just “surround” (read: multiple drivers to little real effect) headphones with jumps around 800 Hz and 4000 Hz, and probably a low-end rolloff south of 250 Hz. And the Surround won’t even work right since they’re just a de-summing of a 2.0 signal, so unless the mixer actually has a Surround version, which is unlikely since it’s a ton of unnecessary cost that no porn studio would actually pay… except maybe the big ones like Digital Playground or Private.

    Meaning they’re basically as useless as Beats by Dre.

    Seriously, if you want good headphones, get some AKG K-44s, they’re like 30 bucks and awesome. If you want a little more firepower, Sennheiser HD-280s or AudioTechnica ATH-M50 are also great headphones. And if you’re looking for a REALLY high end listening experience, Beyerdynamic DT-770, AKG K-240 Mk. 2, or Focal Spirit Pro are all absolutely AMAZING, but they’re all pretty expensive. But don’t waste money on novelty bullshit like this.

    • Right, I didn’t actually look at any of the technical stuff, because it would have meant nothing to me in the first place. I added the headphones you recommended to my Amazon wish list, though. You seem to know what you’re talking about.

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  • Leonard Taylor

    my advice would be to use earbuds. keep one earbud in and one out and that way you can fap and keep watch. has worked for me for years

    • I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. Seems so obvious in retrospect.

      • Leonard Taylor

        a couple of close calls forces you to start considering your options

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