Miranda Kerr Swears Off Sex Until Marriage & We’re All Doomed!

by Lola Byrd on February 14, 2017

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Model Miranda Kerr, who we all know used to be married to Orlando Bloom before hooking up with The Biebs, has sworn off sex until she’s officially married to fiance Evan Spiegel. Kerr, 33, and Spiegel, 27 have been seeing each other since 2014 and are planning on getting married later this year.

You may know Evan Spiegel as the billionaire who co-founded Snapchat. The guy is a catch. Sort of. He was in the news for a while there when some old emails from when he was at Standford popped back up. He said some pretty misogynistic and homophobic things, blah, blah, blah. The guy’s a monster, but he’s also filthy rich.

Filthy rich and a little traditional, apparently. When asked by some rando if she was on the pill, Miranda said she didn’t want a second child, but that she won’t be taking the pill until after she’s married, because Spiegel is a pretty traditional guy.

When asked if that meant that Kerr and Spiegel weren’t having sex, Miranda said: “We can’t … I mean, we’re just waiting.” So there you have it. Miranda Kerr, a previously married woman who has had a child, is not having sex before marriage, because traditions.

Thanks to extensive photographic evidence, at least Evan Spiegel will know what’s up on his wedding night.

Waiting for your wedding night is a bummer for many reasons, but it especially sucks big fat monkey dick because by the time your wedding night actually comes around you’re probably tired as shit. Weddings are hard, yo. You’ve been up for days taking care of shit and getting ready. DAYS.

I would prefer passing the fuck out after all that instead of having sex with someone for the first time. #Priorities

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Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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