Monday Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Kira Noir?

I don’t want to be a snob, I recognize that on the Internet not everyone’s first language is English, so I try to keep that in mind when I come across porn bios that were clearly written by someone who doesn’t have a stong grasp on English grammar. I say this so you don’t think I’m making fun of all the peoplez who write bad. Screw grammar natzis!

That said, porn bios that were written by a language bot or someone whose English isn’t exactly up to snuff can sometimes surprise you with their unique use of syntax.

This bio about Kira Noir gives me all the giggles: “Kira Noir makes you breath heavily and feel excited. This pretty young girl shows you her terrific pussy that makes your cock leaks all semen to the last drop. Her hot firm ass makes you want to kiss it nonstop. How lovely this girl is!”

That paragraph won’t be winning any literary prizes anyday soon, but it rings true in a way that make me happy. Giggly and happy. Kira does make me breath heavily and feel excited. I can feel the lady semen leaking already.

The best bio I found so far was written by Kira Noir herself: “I’m a Jamaican American person that goes by Kira and is frequently naked. Also sometimes I’m in pornos.”

I mean, that pretty much covers it all, but just in case you were jonesing for some more info on the lovely Kira Noir I’ve got you covered.

At 5’6″ and 129lbs with a 32B-26-35 figure, Kira is slender and athletic with all the right curves. By which, of course, I mean her ass. Her ass is glorious and her abs fill me with envy. My favorite overall feature, though, is Kira’s face. She is GORGEOUS!

A navy brat, Kira was born in San Marino, California, but moved around a lot. After her parents split and her mom remarried they moved to Nashville, which is were she grew up. Her parents know what she does for a living and althought they’re not jumping up and down with joy about it, they respect her and her choices.

After graduating high school, Kira moved around Missouri and lived in St.Louis for three years, which is where she started stripping at The Hustler Club in East St.Louis. According to Kira that place is the bomb and she will always consider it to be her home club.

You’d think that stripping would turn out to be Kira’s gateway into porn, but it was the Tumblr account she kept while working at the club that led her to meet other girls online and see that she could sell clips of herself doing dirty, dirty things that got her thinking about porn.

Seeing Bonnie Rotten do a feature show at The Hustler Club confirmed for Kira what kind of performer she truly wanted to be.

Click on images below for larger versions:

Check out this video of Kira Noir courtesy of Pornhub:

Via – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

  • This Monday has been trash but this made it a bit better

    • Every Monday is trash since Trump was elected.

      • Today was especially bad though. Somebody I follow on Tumblr dog died.

        • That blows.

          • And somebody I used to like and respect has turned stupid because of election stuff. And I can’t use snapchat anymore. And Supergirl wasn’t on last night because the channel was showing a football game instead.

          • By turn stupid, do you mean they support Trump?

          • Not supporting Trump but not not supporting either.

          • Oh, is it one of those “Oh, he’s President now so we’ve got to respect him” people?

          • Pretty much

  • Mark Simkulet

    Thank you for featuring her! I really enjoy her performances. From the interviews I’ve seen, she seems really cool and intelligent, which just makes her all the more attractive to me.

    • Yeah, I like the spark of personality that shines through her eyes.