New Service Exposes Hidden Porn Stashes?

by Calvin Clark on March 1, 2019

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For those of us who hoard porn for rainy days there are two prominent mentalities regarding storing it on a computer: the proud collector and the discreet burier. The proud collector openly incorporates their porn with the rest of their media. For all the fucks these people give, the video of their grandma blowing out the candles on her very last birthday can be flanked on both sides by gaping buttholes and 9 inch cocks.

On the other side of the spectrum is the discreet burier who goes about things with a little bit more secrecy. These individuals hide their porn in a series of random folders designed to distract and mislead the uninitiated, not unlike One-Eyed Willy’s hidden pirate treasure in Goonies.

Buriers take great care to make sure nobody ever finds their stock pile of hidden pirate booty, as such, nothing would frighten them more than an internet service designed to unearth and expose their porn cache. If you think that sounds like a retarded idea, then you are probably not the kind of controlling vindictive asshole that would actually sign up for the new service called “Find His Porn”.

Find His Porn is a hard drive scanning service which claims to do exactly what you think it would. For just $19.95 Find His Porn searches through every file and directory on your hard drive and reports on any pornography it finds. It’s marketed towards wives, mothers and girlfriends as a way of “empowering women” by removing the joy out of the lives of their husbands, sons or boyfriends.

The service is only compatible with Windows based operating systems, (and may not even work anyway) so those of you who live with your mothers and use Macs can continue beating off with reckless abandon.

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