Now That’s What I Call A Layover!

by CALICO RUDASILL on May 11, 2018

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Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

I hate travelling by air, not because I’m a white-knuckle flyer (I’m a very chill passenger, if anything), but because I can’t abide by sitting for long stretches of time in airports, waiting for the next leg of my travel to begin.

Over the years, airports have started offering more in the way of distraction and entertainment, in some cases including half-decent restaurants, brew pubs, game rooms and entertainment decks.

Unfortunately for my mundane-location-going self, in most of the airports I have occasion to frequent, the most interesting feature is often some sort of art installation, which is great and all, but still leaves me dependent on my mobile devices and the (hopefully free) airport wifi as my best bet for entertainment.

A recent announcement gives me hope for the future though, because it sounds like someday, should I find myself stuck in San Francisco International Airport waiting for my connecting flight, I may have the option of browsing a pop-up adult shop.

Now that’s what I call a layover!

How About A Vibrator AND A Sandwich?

Feelmore Adult Gallery owner Nenna Joiner, the enterprising woman behind the idea to put an adult shop in the airport as part of the “Terminal 3 Pop-Up Retail Program” hit the nail on the head when talking about the needs of travelers who get stuck in airports.

“When people get into an airport, and the plane is delayed, you got three or four hours to kill,” Joiner said. “You’re going to need something. Not just a power cord, not just a sandwich. You’re going to need a vibrator, a condom, lubricant.”

While I wouldn’t want any of those items listed above on a sandwich (even flavored lubricants seem like a poor substitute for Dijon), I don’t see why travelers should have to settle for one or the other. Can’t I get a vibrator and a sandwich?

That way, when I left the combination sex and sandwich shop, I could hold the vibrator in my hand, look back at the cashier and say something cheeky like: “Now that I’m full, it’s time to go get ‘stuffed’— if you catch my drift.”

At which point, granted, I’d probably get dragged off by airport security – and rightfully so. Clearly, no airport employee should be subjected to such terrible wordplay, innuendo-laden or otherwise.

Talk About A Buzzkill – And I Don’t Mean Dead Batteries

Not everyone is excited about the prospect of a sex shop in the San Fran airport as I am, of course. While he doesn’t appear to be opposed to the concept personally, Matt Holmes, the CEO of retail consulting firm Retail West, said he’s not sure the idea would fly.

“If you’re going to go play ball in an airport, you have to be ready,” Holmes said. “You cannot compare Telegraph Ave. to SFO in its potential. It’s not in the same stratosphere.”

Play ball? Stratosphere? Wait, are we still talking about sex shops in airports, or has the subject changed to the idea of having the San Francisco Giants train at extremely high altitude?

“Sex is taboo,” Holmes added. “Sex is private, and people’s sexuality is not often flaunted about.”

Uh, really? Did someone travel back in time to interview this guy, or what? He does understand this is San Francisco we’re talking about, right?

It’s All About The Benjamins, Not The Ben Wa Balls

Despite my sarcasm, the retail consultant’s points are well-taken – but it also sounds like if anything is going to derail Joiner’s ambition to set up shop in the airport, it’s going to be a lack of revenue, not an excess of prudishness.

To take part in the airport’s pop-up retail program, businesses must meet an annual revenue minimum of $250,000, a sum Joiner believes is too high; she’d like to see it dropped to $150,000.

Come on, Bay Area residents; get on down to Telegraph Ave and help Joiner boost her revenue above the threshold! Otherwise, the next time I have a layover in San Francisco, I’m going to be stuck browsing that damn aviation museum and library again.

Calico Rudasil is a (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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